• Skip to primary navigation
  • Skip to main content
  • Skip to primary sidebar
  • Skip to footer

New Clients: +44 (0)845 519 4808

Existing Clients +44 (0)20 3793 2829

Stephen Hedger

Stephen Hedger

Crisis Marriage Coach | Harley Street London

  • Marriage Breakthrough Program
  • FAQs
  • Success Stories
  • About
  • Appointments
  • Blog

“Discover the No.1 Philosophy of Highly Effective Spouses: From Struggle to Success”

In today’s post, I’m going to uncover a significant block to solving marriage problems.

It’s so powerful that, if uncovered could transform your marriage.

The problem is many won’t like it – even though it works to give you the answers you will need!

It’s what many of my clients start to see as they work with me and what I discovered 20+ years ago.

In fact, it’s foundational to my relationship with my wife, Cloé.

There is only one group of people that do naturally see this problem, but they usually notice it far too late.

So I want to give you sight of the problem today to help you.

The focus of this post is on understanding high performance in the context of a marriage.

She said what?

I remember talking to a very well-dressed lady who walked into my office in Harley Street.

She told me straight – she is a demanding wife with high expectations of her husband.

So I said, “…then, you’d better be a high-performance wife who knows exactly how to add massive value to your husband.

If your expectations are set badly like this lady – she has expectations of the very thing she is out of control of, so she should expect problems.

I’ll explain…

Responsibility = The ability to respond

We all know that if we want to lose weight, it’s our responsibility. No one can lose that weight for us – we know this!

We all know that if we want our careers to do well, other people can’t do our job for us – we know this!

So life keeps teaching us that life success only comes from our individual desire and ability to be better.

So if we know this, why do so many blame their partner for the relationship going wrong?

Why do so many think the marriage is to blame for their unhappiness and then search for someone new or an affair?

What if their inability to be an effective partner is part of what’s causing the problem?

Why don’t people start there?

I have never had a person say to me my partner and I need help, so please teach me how to be a better spouse.

I have had many women say, “How do I get my husband to seek help with you?”

So I say, “Tell him you want to be a better partner for him.”

I then hear a deathly silence as they whisper, ” I can’t possibly say that..!”

And this is the problem, people want their partner to be better for them, and it’s why it goes wrong.

They are not ready to take responsibility to become better partners.

So if your partner is not happy or is not responding the way you would like, you might be the reason.

That means it’s highly likely your knowledge base is too limited.

The group that has no choice but to get this quickly

The group of people who get this concept very quickly are the ones who have lost their partner.

Or are about to, and they know it.

These people want to learn how to become super attractive high-performance partners so they win their partners back.

(To clarify, attractive in this context has nothing to do with looks and everything to do with their energy).

These people are ready to take full responsibility for themselves, their actions and their relationship.

This is the difference that makes the difference.

Taking responsibility is a far more powerful position than blaming, which most people do.

All blaming creates is a waiting game where we see if our partner will change/do it our way or not.

That’s a powerless out-of-control position to take, and the failure rate is going to be very high.

It’s more powerful to create change in our partners if we help them make their change their decision!

Yes, if their changes are their decision, their commitment to the change is highly likely to last.

  • Who likes to be blamed, judged or criticised? No one!
  • Who likes to be controlled? No one!
  • Who likes to be shouted at or stonewalled – No one!

The behaviours we create when our relationship doesn’t make sense will turn us into people even we don’t like.

This is why a lot of relationship help fails so often; it’s because it aligns with the process that created the disconnect.

It focuses the people on themselves and their own needs.

So they see an agreed lack of care, and this sets an expectation of what their partner needs to do, so they are emotionally okay – That is a problem and the wrong focus!

This process creates needy, demanding partners that will only repel their partners.

After all, who needs/wants a partner like this – no one!

Plus, it’s depressing to be needy and not feel needed; not a good foundation for a stressed marriage.

Conclusion

When we set expectations for others to do better for us, the chances of lasting success are not high at all!

So our partners will end up feeling bad about themselves and attach that to us.

The simple fact is this:- what leads to lasting changes in any marriage is taking responsibility to change yourself first.

It’s about changing to become a highly effective partner first.

People have to find ways to change themselves to help their partner and bring out the best in their partner.

It’s about learning how to become a partner that’s impossible to leave.

This is the foundation for becoming a “Highly Effective Spouse!”

I’m currently teaching this process; it can be for each person to learn as a couple or for one person to take control back to see what’s possible.

It’s a powerful process…

Please follow and like us:
fb-share-icon
Tweet

Category iconMarriage Coaching,  Personal Development,  Save Marriage Alone

"Follow simple yet powerful steps designed to save and reignite a marriage fast no matter what has happened"

Click to Claim Your FREE Consultation Now!

Recent Posts

  • The Blame Game Trap!
  • “The Relationship Mirror Problem”
  • The Success Path for Failing Marriages
  • Marriage Crisis from Infidelity & Communication Breakdown
  • “Free your partner before they free themselves”
  • She keeps saying NO!
  • Hidden Dangers: The Problems People Don’t See Coming…
  • “I need to leave my marriage!”
  • “Marriage on the Brink: Mistakes That Push Love Away!”
  • Why don’t we know this? She said through her tears…
  • “He created the wife he didn’t want!”
  • His marriage was over!
  • “Needy and not needed!”
  • “Discover the No.1 Philosophy of Highly Effective Spouses: From Struggle to Success”
  • “Unveiling the Secrets: How I Mastered the Art of Resolving Relationship Issues”
  • 3 Foundations for a Healthy Marriage
  • Misdiagnosis – Divorce Prevention Part 3
  • The Divorce Path – Divorce Prevention Part 2
  • Mistakes that lead couples to Divorce – Part 1
  • Can’t live with you. Can’t live without you!

Over 1000 Relationship Articles

Categories

  • A thought for Sunday
  • Communication
  • Destructive Patterns
  • Discussion
  • Infidelity-Affairs
  • Loss of Love
  • Loss of passion
  • Lost Attraction
  • Marriage Coaching
  • Personal Development
  • Rebuilding trust
  • Relationship Stories
  • Retirement Crisis
  • Save Marriage Alone
  • Separation & Divorce
  • Stop & Never – Mini Posts
  • Stuck
  • Testimonials
  • Top 10 Popular Posts
  • Uncategorized

 

Primary Sidebar

I’m not going to ask you how you “feel", pay me to watch you argue, or try to find the person to blame.

I am looking to discover if the couple can become a team, overcome their problems together and create a dynamic that will create a loving and passionate life together.

My approach is to take you from where you are, to where you want to be… fast!

I can not recommend Stephen highly enough – he not only saved our marriage, but has improved my marriage and myself as a person.

Banker - London

Popular Posts

  • Women are struggling, but men don’t understand why
  • Built an Empire and lost a Family
  • Marriage in Limbo
  • Rebuilding Connection & Trust
  • Divorce Regret
  • Divorce Prevention
  • Resentment Stacking
  • 36 Principles For Success
  • My Wife is Aggressive
  • A Wise Old Man's Decision
  • I was in tears
  • Tourtured by the past

Do You Want
To Save Your Marriage?

Hi, I'm Stephen Hedger. I'm determined to help couples discover what their marriage is capable of with the right information. My only question is, will it be yours?

Learn more

A 30 minute call with Stephen

In a short phone conversation, Stephen was able to quickly get to the heart of what the real issue was in our marriage – and why in almost a year of working on our marriage including 10 weeks of marriage counselling through a relationship therapy organisation, we weren’t really making any progress. I found Stephen to be extremely perceptive, as well as empathetic to our situation, while being able to quickly pinpoint the real sticking point in our marriage.
Many thanks
Olivia

Dear Stephen
Thank you for your time to listen to my experience in my marriage. You gave me encouragement to speak out to my partner in confidence. You made me realise that sometimes the way we make comments on each other can aggravate the situation and make it worse. Your advice made me feel revived.

Kind regards

Chipo

Success Stories

Marriage Crisis from Infidelity & Communication Breakdown

August 21, 2023 By Stephen Hedger

Today’s post is about a professional couple in the UK who decided they wanted to share their experience of their tailormade program that was designed to help them out of their marital challenges. They were in crisis due to communication breakdown and infidelity. They had 12 meetings over five months to learn how to reconnect […]

His marriage was over!

June 5, 2023 By Stephen Hedger

This man was in the depths of sadness, his marriage was over, but he didn’t want it to be. They had seen numerous counsellors who had all concluded the marriage was indeed over. He had lost all feelings for his wife. Due to being so stuck for so long, he had started an affair. But […]

Client responds to testimonial

November 11, 2021 By Stephen Hedger

I’m working with this lady, and during the session, she wanted to comment on a testimonial another client had left. As you go through today post, you will see what she wanted to say. Before you get to her words, I want to set the context. I’m not quoting her word for word here, but […]

“I was in tears…” 

October 20, 2021 By Stephen Hedger

‘Initially I went to Stephen with a sole focus on saving my marriage as my husband wanted a divorce whilst I felt I could not let go of the 14 years’ relationship without giving it a second chance. My husband was determined to exit and refused to join the Marriage Breakthrough Programme with me, therefore […]

“Lawyer saves relationship alone”!

July 27, 2021 By Stephen Hedger

“I went to see Stephen when my relationship was at breaking point. The final trigger was my partner’s plan to sell his property and move in with me. We had until then a long-distance relationship and never spent more than about a month together (thanks to the COVID lockdown). I had finally moved to his […]

Do you want
To Save your Marriage?

Hi, I'm Stephen Hedger. I'm determined to help couples discover what their marriage is capable of with the right information. My only question is, will it be yours?

Learn more

 

“Free Marriage in Crisis 8 Page Guide”:

Stephen Hedger is a marriage in crisis specialist sought after by CEO’s Bankers, Judges, GP’s, Business Leaders, A List Celebrities and Entrepreneurs Globally


Stephen says when you are in marital crisis it's important to know what to do to make sure your next steps don't make the situation even worse. This short guide written by Stephen is designed to help you take a step back and consider next steps intelligently.

 

Click to Download FREE

Footer

Sessions currently held over Zoom

If you are interested in Stephens help please call his team on

+44 (0)845 519 4808


Head Office
10 Harley Street
London
W1G 9PF

Stephen Hedger offers married couples in crisis across the globe a comprehensive strategic roadmap to overcome their marriage problems. Today Stephen works with Celebrities, CEO’s, Lawyers, Bankers, Royalty, Judges, and business owners helping them transform their family and personal relationships with massive breakthroughs, seemingly against all odds.

  • Marriage Counselling Alternative
  • Cloe Hedger (Stephen’s wife)
  • Marriage Breakthrough Program
  • Individual Coaching
  • About
  • Success Stories
  • Over 1200 FREE Articles
  • FAQs
  • Mission: Vision: Values:

Recent Posts

  • The Blame Game Trap!
  • “The Relationship Mirror Problem”
  • The Success Path for Failing Marriages
  • Marriage Crisis from Infidelity & Communication Breakdown
  • “Free your partner before they free themselves”

*Disclaimer:
Any testimonials stated on this page or on any pages on the Stephen Hedger Marriage Coach website/s are proof of our success, naturally, results may vary from person to person.

Apply FOR HELP NOW

Terms & Privacy Policy      Copyright © 2023 StephenHedger.com. All rights reserved. Company No.08279028    Return to top