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Stephen Hedger

Stephen Hedger

Crisis Marriage Coach | Harley Street London

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“Don’t think of an elephant”!

Have you ever noticed that it’s very challenging to take something out of your mind especially if that event is painful?

I asked you to not think of an elephant and it’s the first thing a mind will do. Your mind doesn’t do a “don’t”. If you tell a person not to worry, the mind only hears “worry”.

Look at affairs, it’s a painful experience, will a partner ever forget that betrayal?

No of course not, they won’t let it go because they can’t.

Can they change how they see it? Yes of course, but the change must empower the person not fill their life with fear dread and resentment.

You see once a powerful emotion is in a persons’ mind it cannot be taken out, so you must be very careful about what goes into a mind.

It’s why I ask couples to never threaten divorce because it can trigger their partners’ mind into self-protection and they don’t know that process is happening to them.

Minds cannot subtract especially if the event is painful, minds can only add or multiply.

What a mind can do is add more information to help the person stop their suffering.

The more could be a reframe of how a person thinks about past events.

They could see there are more perspectives or choices of experience when they think of the problem.

Or they could see the bad thing can create something good or much better.

You can’t unring a bell

This is why it’s so important to not fight what your mind is doing around past upsetting events.

Fighting it just makes it worse as the bad thing remains the persons focus and that leads to more upset.

Distraction can be of some help and endlessly talking about the problem may create connection with others that helps in the moment.

Take back control and create your own certainty

What’s important is the person is helped to see how they can take control of their own emotional states.

They must learn how to interrupt their own negative thought pattern and lead themselves into far more resourceful states.

But at the end of the day, the answers start with realigning a person so they can reclaim who they are.

The combination of reclaiming yourself and reframing the situation has immense power to change a persons’ emotional state at will.

You see a lot of emotional pain I see is connected to a person losing connection with themselves and looking that the world and problems through that filter.

This practice creates pain that leads to significant suffering.

By helping a person reconnect to a thinking that helps them become themselves again it takes them out of survival mode.

Survival mode is not a place of creative thinking.

Survival is about fighting and running so it’s great if you are in immediate danger, but not a good way to live.

Get a person out of survival and you’ll free their creative mind.

The mind that will give them choice and new ways to see their historic problems.

Remember the past is no longer with us and painful situations can only sit in a persons mind as a memory.

Thankfully the mind has the ability to rewire itself so we can look at past problems with a more resourceful emotional response.

People who judge, blame and resent are not yet free of their past events.

They are not free to be themselves and can remain victims of past events and this will block their ability to experience joy and love.

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Category iconDestructive Patterns,  Infidelity-Affairs,  Marriage Coaching

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I’m not going to ask you how you “feel", pay me to watch you argue, or try to find the person to blame.

I am looking to discover if the couple can become a team, overcome their problems together and create a dynamic that will create a loving and passionate life together.

My approach is to take you from where you are, to where you want to be… fast!

I can not recommend Stephen highly enough – he not only saved our marriage, but has improved my marriage and myself as a person.

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Do You Want
To Save Your Marriage?

Hi, I'm Stephen Hedger. I'm determined to help couples discover what their marriage is capable of with the right information. My only question is, will it be yours?

Learn more

A 30 minute call with Stephen

In a short phone conversation, Stephen was able to quickly get to the heart of what the real issue was in our marriage – and why in almost a year of working on our marriage including 10 weeks of marriage counselling through a relationship therapy organisation, we weren’t really making any progress. I found Stephen to be extremely perceptive, as well as empathetic to our situation, while being able to quickly pinpoint the real sticking point in our marriage.
Many thanks
Olivia

Dear Stephen
Thank you for your time to listen to my experience in my marriage. You gave me encouragement to speak out to my partner in confidence. You made me realise that sometimes the way we make comments on each other can aggravate the situation and make it worse. Your advice made me feel revived.

Kind regards

Chipo

Success Stories

Marriage Crisis from Infidelity & Communication Breakdown

August 21, 2023 By Stephen Hedger

Today’s post is about a professional couple in the UK who decided they wanted to share their experience of their tailormade program that was designed to help them out of their marital challenges. They were in crisis due to communication breakdown and infidelity. They had 12 meetings over five months to learn how to reconnect […]

His marriage was over!

June 5, 2023 By Stephen Hedger

This man was in the depths of sadness, his marriage was over, but he didn’t want it to be. They had seen numerous counsellors who had all concluded the marriage was indeed over. He had lost all feelings for his wife. Due to being so stuck for so long, he had started an affair. But […]

Client responds to testimonial

November 11, 2021 By Stephen Hedger

I’m working with this lady, and during the session, she wanted to comment on a testimonial another client had left. As you go through today post, you will see what she wanted to say. Before you get to her words, I want to set the context. I’m not quoting her word for word here, but […]

“I was in tears…” 

October 20, 2021 By Stephen Hedger

‘Initially I went to Stephen with a sole focus on saving my marriage as my husband wanted a divorce whilst I felt I could not let go of the 14 years’ relationship without giving it a second chance. My husband was determined to exit and refused to join the Marriage Breakthrough Programme with me, therefore […]

“Lawyer saves relationship alone”!

July 27, 2021 By Stephen Hedger

“I went to see Stephen when my relationship was at breaking point. The final trigger was my partner’s plan to sell his property and move in with me. We had until then a long-distance relationship and never spent more than about a month together (thanks to the COVID lockdown). I had finally moved to his […]

Do you want
To Save your Marriage?

Hi, I'm Stephen Hedger. I'm determined to help couples discover what their marriage is capable of with the right information. My only question is, will it be yours?

Learn more

 

“Free Marriage in Crisis 8 Page Guide”:

Stephen Hedger is a marriage in crisis specialist sought after by CEO’s Bankers, Judges, GP’s, Business Leaders, A List Celebrities and Entrepreneurs Globally


Stephen says when you are in marital crisis it's important to know what to do to make sure your next steps don't make the situation even worse. This short guide written by Stephen is designed to help you take a step back and consider next steps intelligently.

 

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10 Harley Street
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Stephen Hedger offers married couples in crisis across the globe a comprehensive strategic roadmap to overcome their marriage problems. Today Stephen works with Celebrities, CEO’s, Lawyers, Bankers, Royalty, Judges, and business owners helping them transform their family and personal relationships with massive breakthroughs, seemingly against all odds.

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Recent Posts

  • The Blame Game Trap!
  • “The Relationship Mirror Problem”
  • The Success Path for Failing Marriages
  • Marriage Crisis from Infidelity & Communication Breakdown
  • “Free your partner before they free themselves”

*Disclaimer:
Any testimonials stated on this page or on any pages on the Stephen Hedger Marriage Coach website/s are proof of our success, naturally, results may vary from person to person.

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