I am inundated with messages of disconnect. Requests for me to save their marriage or help couples through the chaos of an affair.
Everywhere you look, there is confusion and misunderstandings as couples cannot understand their partner or their actions.
There is one simple reason for all this confusion.
Couples are simply not naturally designed to understand each other.
If you think your partner is a version of you and you judge their actions through your own thinking, you’ll constantly be wrong about them.
I also meet many people who don’t understand themselves, so they won’t be able to help their partner become successful with them.
Couples that seem surprised by their disconnect or lack of sexual connection really shouldn’t be surprised.
Unless you know what you are doing, keeping connected through each life stage is very challenging, so you must know what you are doing.
I know many people see their loss of connection as a sign the marriage has died, but it’s not true!
In some cases, they might be the wrong fit, but for most couples, the disconnect is a sign the couple are just naturally unaware of what they have to know and do, to keep their connection alive.
I have seen couples emotionally and sexually disconnected for over ten years. When you add some strategically placed behavioural shifts, the couples noticed the marriage came fully back to life.
They were surprised at the power of what they didn’t know.
In many cases, the couples connection isn’t dead it’s simply dormant, but the challenge is the disconnect can scare they couple and compound the problem.
I’m a fan of couples doing what they can to understand their marriage themselves and their disconnect before they throw in the towel.
Let look at affairs.
If your marriage is dead and you felt you could be heading for an affair.
DON’T HAVE AN AFFAIR, be honest with your partner so you can see if the energy you have lost can come back with them.
Even if the marriage fails it far easier emotionally to part amicablly when you can both see why it couldn’t work.
Affairs don’t provide solutions, and they don’t create clarity.
Affairs just create more confusion and more pain and they are always discovered.
Remember we are not born knowing how to be connected for life so it’s important to see the problems are based on not knowing how to get the best out of your marriage.
Creating successful marriage for life does require a shift of mindset and learn new communication patterns but in the end the outcomes far exceed the work for those hungry to learn.