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Stephen Hedger

Stephen Hedger

Crisis Marriage Coach | Harley Street London

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Expectations kill relationships

To understand why expectations can kill relationships we are going to firstly look at the formula for being upset?

A person becomes upset when the world should be a certain way in their mind but their reality is different.

The gap between the expectation and the reality has the potential to create disappointment.

Ongoing disappointment creates resentments and ongoing resentment causes disconnection.

So many couples bring this problem of expectations into my sessions.

They want what they want but…

The problem is they not bringing to the table what will create what they want as a desire in their partners’ mind.

Having expectations changes the relationship dynamic into one that will struggle to work.

Expectations will handbrake a couples connection.

Having expectations turns the connection into meeting my needs on demand.

Expectations isn’t what started the relationship

What’s interesting is expectations and demands are not going to be how they initially attracted each other.

Whist dating they were helping their new partner to feel special, valued, desired, attractive, respected etc.

You wouldn’t have demands which must be met or I’ll be upset with you, because that energy would stop the dating process.

So when did the model change from adding all that value to here is what I expect of you.

Expectations are about demands and in many situations, those demands are not even communicated so their partner is blind to what is going on or expected.

It destroys connection

Meeting your needs through expectations brings an energy that does two destructive things.

  1. It puts the person at the center of their world (relationships are not about me).
  2. It doesn’t add value to the relationship it wants to take from it.

The pressure they create is their partner must perform in a certain way for them to be happy, it creates pressure and a perception of neediness.

Needy people are not attractive people.

Relationships that work are a place where the couple must be free.

Free energies such as love, laughter, passion, joy never happen whilst under pressure.

When someone adds value to their partner in the way they need it, natural reciprocity creates the energy and the reasons to give and support their partners’ needs.

Taking and demanding only builds resentment and this is why so many couples lose the energy of being lovers.

To be clear I’m not saying get rid of expectations.

What I’m saying is to shift the expectation energy to yourself to be of value so you get the best out of your partner by being the best of you.

Many people think they have been the best of themselves in their relationship, but they are missing some critical information if what they are doing is not working.

The skill is in triggering your partner to want to meet your needs.

Far too many people trigger the reverse energy and this is why the couple’s connection fails.

Category iconCommunication,  Destructive Patterns,  Marriage Coaching

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Hi, I'm Stephen Hedger. I'm determined to help couples discover what their marriage is capable of with the right information. My only question is, will it be yours?

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About Stephen Hedger

Stephen Hedger is known as the most sought after marriage in crisis specialist in the UK. He is famous for consistently and naturally saving many marriages from divorce. He is a favourite of business leaders, business owners, Judges and celebrities.

Stephen runs his meetings from his office in Harley Street London and supports his global clients over Zoom.

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A 30 minute call with Stephen

In a short phone conversation, Stephen was able to quickly get to the heart of what the real issue was in our marriage – and why in almost a year of working on our marriage including 10 weeks of marriage counselling through a relationship therapy organisation, we weren’t really making any progress. I found Stephen to be extremely perceptive, as well as empathetic to our situation, while being able to quickly pinpoint the real sticking point in our marriage.
Many thanks
Olivia

Dear Stephen
Thank you for your time to listen to my experience in my marriage. You gave me encouragement to speak out to my partner in confidence. You made me realise that sometimes the way we make comments on each other can aggravate the situation and make it worse. Your advice made me feel revived.

Kind regards

Chipo

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Client responds to testimonial

November 11, 2021 By Stephen Hedger

I’m working with this lady, and during the session, she wanted to comment on a testimonial another client had left. As you go through today post, you will see what she wanted to say. Before you get to her words, I want to set the context. I’m not quoting her word for word here, but […]

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October 20, 2021 By Stephen Hedger

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Hi, I'm Stephen Hedger. I'm determined to help couples discover what their marriage is capable of with the right information. My only question is, will it be yours?

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Stephen says when you are in marital crisis it's important to know what to do to make sure your next steps don't make the situation even worse. This short guide written by Stephen is designed to help you take a step back and consider next steps intelligently.

 

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Stephen Hedger offers married couples in crisis across the globe a comprehensive strategic roadmap to overcome their marriage problems. Today Stephen works with Celebrities, CEO’s, Lawyers, Bankers, Royalty, Judges, and business owners helping them transform their family and personal relationships with massive breakthroughs, seemingly against all odds.

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Recent Posts

  • “Why your marriage may not be broken”
  • “Never attach your meanings to your partner’s words and actions!” – Mini Post
  • “Living with a problem partner” – Mini post
  • “Never be a dream killer” – Mini Post
  • “STOP making YOUR partners upset about YOU!”

*Disclaimer:
Any testimonials stated on this page or on any pages on the Stephen Hedger Marriage Coach website/s are proof of our success, naturally, results may vary from person to person.

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