Today I want to share a simple illustration that explains why couples are struggling to stay connected.
The fundamental reason is because they have the wrong map, i’ll explain…
Everyone knows that if you are going to navigate a city like London, you will need a map of London.
So let’s look at a gentleman in London.
Let’s say he knows he needs a map of how to navigate London, yet he’s using a map of Paris, but he’s unaware.
How fast will he become frustrated and lost?
You see, we all have maps within our minds of our individual experiences of the world and how it works.
Everyone has a unique internal mind map of the world.
In essence we are all the creators of our own unique perceptual universe.
So when a person tries to use their own mind map to understand their partners’ map, it’s like trying to navigate London with a map of Paris.
It will be frustrating, which is what so many couple experience. Their partners experience can be confusing or upsetting.
This is why so many people are butting heads.
They don’t have the right map to understand the perceptual universe their partner has created and so understanding them can be a real headache.
So the couple can feel constantly misaligned.
The more time passes, the bigger the realisation that the maps are not the same and this creates resistance.
This can create fear, and now resentments can start to build.
The critical objective is for the individuals to learn their partners’ maps of how their world works, so navigating problems keeps the couple aligned.