I receive a common message through my new client application forms: “My partner has lost their feelings for me”.
These are men and women on their own fighting to save their marriage.
They generally feel lost, shocked, out of control and worried about their future.
They don’t know what to do to make things better, and they can see their loss of control emotionally is making things worse.
Every situation is different, but here are some thoughts to consider.
The first thing you must not do is panic or use any emotional tactics to force them to stay or love you.
Make no big reactive emotional decisions.
It’s so important to understand what we are trying to achieve when we start this process, as many people start with the wrong goal.
The wrong goal will cripple your chances.
Many think the job is to change their partners’ minds; this is guaranteed to make them run away faster.
No one likes to be forced or manipulated.
Your partner has probably gone through a lot of pain emotionally to get to the point of communicating that message.
You see, the only way your partner will come back to you emotionally is if they think it’s a good idea.
You can’t force them, control them or blackmail them.
Other mistakes are that most people want to get the person who has lost their love in front of a professional so they can change their minds.
It doesn’t work this way.
People who fall in love do so in a state of happiness and freedom; that’s how good relationships start.
So if you want your partner to fall back in love, then give them a reason.
Every person I have helped achieve this goal has worked on themselves first to understand how to achieve this.
When the loss of feelings message is out, it will emotionally destabilise both people, so helping one person stabilise will help that person manage the situation effectively.
Several factors will come into play, all pointing to the persons’ ability to be of value to themselves and their partner.
You simply cannot rebuild a connection if you don’t know why it broke.
You cannot rebuild a connection if you don’t know how to be of real emotional value.
Remember that the mission is to help your partner love how they feel about themselves when they are with you.
This process is about understanding which differences matter most.
It’s about understanding the damaging patterns you were running as a couple.
It’s about helping one person remove these damaging patterns in themselves so their partner can experience them differently.
This process starts with one person taking emotional responsibility for themselves and the state of the relationship.
Please note: This process is not suitable for everyone and every situation; this is why the individuals need to be assessed first.