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Stephen Hedger

Stephen Hedger

Crisis Marriage Coach | Harley Street London

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“I Don’t see the Problem..!?” – Mini Post

What do you do when one person is unhappy in their marriage and the other says they are perfectly happy and can’t/won’t see the problem?

Many people who say they are happy in their relationship whilst their partner really isn’t happy are struggling to see the problem that this dynamic creates.

If only one person is happy the problem is this:-

“You being happy knowing full well I am NOT is a problem for me?”

For the unhappy person, it’s like their partner is being happy with their unhappiness.

What this will show is a lack of compassion or empathy for the unhappy person’s feelings they will experience a disconnect.

I’m happy so what’s the problem? Won’t create an action to care, they won’t check-in or reassure, so it will create a dismissive energy.

When this happens the problems for that couple can compound.

My advice is this: If one person is unhappy that is the true level of where your relationship is.

The state of a relationship is always governed by the person who is the most upset or stressed.

So if one person is resentful and the other is detached then the relationship problem is now about a detached partner.

If the resentful partner makes a problem about their own feelings all the detached person will do is become more detached.

If a person is still actively attracted and attached to their partner yet their partner is full of resentment, the relationship problem is now about their resentment.

You must NEVER gloss over your partner’s feelings or they will feel alone again which compounds the problems.

Being happy when they are not can help them feel dismissed.

Expand the model of couples on different pages

One lady was insisting her husband was having an affair.

He came to me on his own and said it was totally untrue and he was at a loss for what to do.

So I said to him you can battle with who is right and who is wrong, but I see that going nowhere.

The more you deny it the more guilty you will seem.

I’m seeing she feels unconfident, unloved, alone, and not important to you and this means she is not feeling emotionally safe.

She has to feel she matters or she will emotionally shut down and that means a far bigger job to overcome for you.

Why don’t we honour the fact she has lost trust in you and work towards rebuilding that trust?

How you see the problem changes how you deal with it

Most people don’t understand how to see their problems accurately so they make them worse.

The way problems are solved changes when you can see what the real problems are.

Left on his own he would have battled her by trying to convince her he isn’t having an affair factually he would be right but emotionally he would have broken their connection.

The reason this would have made things worse is that being right would have ended up being more important than how she feels.

And that’s always going to be a problem!

So you can never solve a problem unless you can see what it really is and that means seeing the problem the same way your partner does.

That’s the problem most don’t understand.

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Stephen Hedger
Stephen Hedger
About the author:

Harley Street Expert | Founder & High Performance Coach

With two decades of experience helping couples out of crisis, Stephen the founder of The Marriage Breakthrough Program, uses his proven system for rescuing and rebuilding relationships on the edge of divorce. A trusted advisor to CEOs, entrepreneurs, and industry leaders globally, his work blends emotional intelligence with strategic clarity. Known for navigating highly complex relationship challenges, Stephen helps individuals and couples find clarity and direction when everything is at stake.

Find out more >>> The Marriage Breakthrough Program
Stephen Hedger
Latest posts by Stephen Hedger (see all)
  • The Silent Killer of Marriages: When You Stop Being You - June 30, 2025
  • The 5C Marriage Blueprint: The Foundation Every Relationship Needs to Thrive - June 29, 2025
  • Emotional Intimacy in Marriage: The Key to Trust, Connection, and Lasting Passion - June 28, 2025

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  • The Silent Killer of Marriages: When You Stop Being You
  • The 5C Marriage Blueprint: The Foundation Every Relationship Needs to Thrive
  • Emotional Intimacy in Marriage: The Key to Trust, Connection, and Lasting Passion
  • Please Save Our Marriage – My Wife has Asked for a Divorce
  • Loss of Love? How to Save Your Relationship
  • Passionless Marriage: “Sex life dying – want to know why?”
  • Coping with an Affair: How to Rebuild Trust and Save Your Marriage
  • Feeling Torn Between Two Relationships?
  • How to Help Spouse Heal After Affair?
  • How to Rebuild Emotional Safety (Without Needing Them to Go First)
  • Why You Love Each Other But Don’t Want Each Other

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I’m not going to ask you how you “feel", pay me to watch you argue, or try to find the person to blame.

I am looking to discover if the couple can become a team, overcome their problems together and create a dynamic that will create a loving and passionate life together.

My approach is to take you from where you are, to where you want to be… fast!

I can not recommend Stephen highly enough – he not only saved our marriage, but has improved my marriage and myself as a person.

Banker - London

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Do You Want
To Save Your Marriage?

Hi, I'm Stephen Hedger. I'm determined to help couples discover what their marriage is capable of with the right information. My only question is, will it be yours?

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A 30 minute call with Stephen

In a short phone conversation, Stephen was able to quickly get to the heart of what the real issue was in our marriage – and why in almost a year of working on our marriage including 10 weeks of marriage counselling through a relationship therapy organisation, we weren’t really making any progress. I found Stephen to be extremely perceptive, as well as empathetic to our situation, while being able to quickly pinpoint the real sticking point in our marriage.
Many thanks
Olivia

Dear Stephen
Thank you for your time to listen to my experience in my marriage. You gave me encouragement to speak out to my partner in confidence. You made me realise that sometimes the way we make comments on each other can aggravate the situation and make it worse. Your advice made me feel revived.

Kind regards

Chipo

Success Stories

From Battlefield to Breakthrough: How to Save Your Marriage Without a Toxic Fight.

January 31, 2025 By Stephen Hedger

Most people who come to me for help believe their marriage is broken, so their level of hope is not high. Many will have tried to fix the problems without success. These people are unaware that there is a critical mindset shift: if you don’t make it, your chances of success dramatically drop. As you […]

“By changing yourself, you can change a relationship… because I did!”

September 16, 2024 By Stephen Hedger

We were in the process of physical separation, with my husband arranging to move out at the end of the month, and I was getting legal advice on proceeding with the divorce.  On one of those distressed and sleepless nights, I came across Stephen’s website and his blog. I was fascinated. What Stephen has written […]

“There’s no hope in hell – I want a divorce!”

April 22, 2024 By Stephen Hedger

So what do you do when the trust is broken so badly that their relationship ends with them selling their family home and moving into separate homes? Most people would consider this the end, but this gentleman decided something different. He wrote to me to see if I could help. I wanted to encourage his […]

Marriage Crisis from Infidelity & Communication Breakdown

August 21, 2023 By Stephen Hedger

Today’s post is about a professional couple in the UK who decided they wanted to share their experience of their tailormade program that was designed to help them out of their marital challenges. They were in crisis due to communication breakdown and infidelity. They had 12 meetings over five months to learn how to reconnect […]

His Marriage was Over!

June 5, 2023 By Stephen Hedger

This man was in the depths of sadness; his marriage was over, but he didn’t want it to be. They had seen numerous counsellors who had all concluded the marriage was indeed over. He had lost all feelings for his wife. Due to being so stuck for so long, he had started an affair. But […]

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Recent Clients: Scotland, Ireland, Texas, New York, Dubai, Los Angeles, Austrailia, Japan, Germany, France, Ireland, UK, Monaco to name a few.

Stephen Hedger offers married couples in crisis across the globe a comprehensive strategic roadmap to overcome their marriage problems.

Today Stephen works with Celebrities, CEO’s, Lawyers, Bankers, Royalty, Judges, and business owners helping them transform their family and personal relationships with massive breakthroughs, seemingly against all odds.

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Recent Posts

  • The Silent Killer of Marriages: When You Stop Being You
  • The 5C Marriage Blueprint: The Foundation Every Relationship Needs to Thrive
  • Emotional Intimacy in Marriage: The Key to Trust, Connection, and Lasting Passion
  • Please Save Our Marriage – My Wife has Asked for a Divorce
  • Loss of Love? How to Save Your Relationship

*Disclaimer:
Any testimonials stated on this page or on any pages on the Stephen Hedger Marriage Coach website/s are proof of our success, naturally, results may vary from person to person.

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