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Stephen Hedger

Stephen Hedger

Crisis Marriage Coach | Harley Street London

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“I think my marriage is over, but I’m fearful”

Many couples are suffering year after year unsure what to do. They have so much invested in their marriage but they cannot escape a fundamental fact.

They feel unhappy when they are with their partner and it’s been getting worse.

Many of these people tell me they stayed because of the kids. Some stay because they are financially stuck and others are fearful of divorce or what their life will be like after it.

Many of these people have lost connection with who they are or what they believe in. 

Some just try to get through one day at a time looking forward to time on their own or time away from their marriage.

Some are emotionally detached or numb some have lost love or don’t find their partner attractive anymore.

Some are fed up because they have been held back, some are tired of the negativity, some struggle with the lying so are tired of not trusting and now they are exhausted.

Whatever they are experiencing they are fundamentally unhappy and are stuck not sure how to take a step forward they are lost in a maze of uncertainty.

She was considering a divorce

I remember one lady came to see me with many of the problems illustrated above.

She knew her relationship had died, but she was stuck not sure what to do.

I told her that my job was NOT to fix her relationship or tell her to leave.

My job was to help her understand her marriage and why it had gone wrong and what she could do about it if she wanted to.

I shared with her that I could see she had lost connection with herself to the point she had no confidence in herself or her decisions.

I shared with her I could see she was a pleaser and this trait was very different from someone who is a contributor because a healthy contributor remains connected to themselves and what’s important to them.

Her actions clearly indicated she didn’t value herself and hadn’t for a good portion of her marriage.

I shared with her the foundation of a great marriage is when the individuals become a team, where both people are individually 100% responsible for the state of the marriage.

The marriages that are failing always have one or both people blaming the other for their relationship problems.

“We have never been a team and we are always blaming each other.” She replied.

I then shared with her that I bet you and your husband are at core loving caring people, yet you lost that connection with yourself as loving people when you are with each other.

She agreed.

So you are telling me you are not a team and never have been, at the core you are two loving people who have switched off that part of yourself when you are with each other.

I then said, “are you aware if you stop being who are and what you value that alone will help you to suffer from your relationship with yourself?”

She simply stared at me.

You have given me a story of incompatibility and I agreed that’s true, but only because you both lost sight of who you both are.

Any couple that stops being themselves will become naturally incompatible.

What we don’t yet know is what would happen if you learnt how to become what you valued and reconnected to yourself how would that change the dynamic?

What if you also discovered what it really took to become a team and take 100% responsibility for the marriage?

What if you stopped the judging and the blaming?

What if you both took the time to focus on what your partner was really going through and embraced your differences instead of using them as weapons?

Your differences are really your strengths, but you’re both clearly not seeing that yet.

What if you discovered you have been protecting yourself from someone who never intended to hurt you they just didn’t understand how you are so different to them.

I then said “I’m not saying you should be together, but with so much at stake and so many fundamental mistakes that you didn’t know you were making… 

…wouldn’t what you are feeling today be the natural outcome of all those mistakes?

What if a divorce was not the solution. What if understanding was the solution that set you both free.

Wouldn’t it be safer to explore these critical areas of focus and discover with the right knowledge what your relationship is truly capable of achieving?

Then you can decide if what you have actually makes sense for the rest of your life or not?

This lady started to see there was more to their problems than she had ever considered. 

She had overly simplified the problem.

She had been fearful that she would leave her husband, meet someone new and experience the same problems all over again, she was right to have that concern.

I shared with her that far too many people enter relationships with the wrong philosophy.

They go in looking for what they can get out of it and what they end up with is not very much and a world of suffering.

If you want a magnificent relationship then learning how to add value to it is critical.

You cannot add value to something and someone you don’t understand and sadly that is the problem most people face.

For those that have had enough of going round in circles, the knowledge is there if you want it.

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Category iconMarriage Coaching,  Relationship Stories

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I’m not going to ask you how you “feel", pay me to watch you argue, or try to find the person to blame.

I am looking to discover if the couple can become a team, overcome their problems together and create a dynamic that will create a loving and passionate life together.

My approach is to take you from where you are, to where you want to be… fast!

I can not recommend Stephen highly enough – he not only saved our marriage, but has improved my marriage and myself as a person.

Banker - London

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Do You Want
To Save Your Marriage?

Hi, I'm Stephen Hedger. I'm determined to help couples discover what their marriage is capable of with the right information. My only question is, will it be yours?

Learn more

A 30 minute call with Stephen

In a short phone conversation, Stephen was able to quickly get to the heart of what the real issue was in our marriage – and why in almost a year of working on our marriage including 10 weeks of marriage counselling through a relationship therapy organisation, we weren’t really making any progress. I found Stephen to be extremely perceptive, as well as empathetic to our situation, while being able to quickly pinpoint the real sticking point in our marriage.
Many thanks
Olivia

Dear Stephen
Thank you for your time to listen to my experience in my marriage. You gave me encouragement to speak out to my partner in confidence. You made me realise that sometimes the way we make comments on each other can aggravate the situation and make it worse. Your advice made me feel revived.

Kind regards

Chipo

Success Stories

His marriage was over!

June 5, 2023 By Stephen Hedger

This man was in the depths of sadness, his marriage was over, but he didn’t want it to be. They had seen numerous counsellors who had all concluded the marriage was indeed over. He had lost all feelings for his wife. Due to being so stuck for so long, he had started an affair. But […]

Client responds to testimonial

November 11, 2021 By Stephen Hedger

I’m working with this lady, and during the session, she wanted to comment on a testimonial another client had left. As you go through today post, you will see what she wanted to say. Before you get to her words, I want to set the context. I’m not quoting her word for word here, but […]

“I was in tears…” 

October 20, 2021 By Stephen Hedger

‘Initially I went to Stephen with a sole focus on saving my marriage as my husband wanted a divorce whilst I felt I could not let go of the 14 years’ relationship without giving it a second chance. My husband was determined to exit and refused to join the Marriage Breakthrough Programme with me, therefore […]

“Lawyer saves relationship alone”!

July 27, 2021 By Stephen Hedger

“I went to see Stephen when my relationship was at breaking point. The final trigger was my partner’s plan to sell his property and move in with me. We had until then a long-distance relationship and never spent more than about a month together (thanks to the COVID lockdown). I had finally moved to his […]

“It was like walking through a minefield blindfolded”

November 29, 2020 By Stephen Hedger

When relationships go wrong the pain can be unbelievable. Today’s post is about a couple whose relationship was quickly out of control and both people thought it was the end. When I first agreed to meet this couple she arrived first.  She was clearly very anxious, eyes darting, wringing hands, unsure if her husband would […]

Do you want
To Save your Marriage?

Hi, I'm Stephen Hedger. I'm determined to help couples discover what their marriage is capable of with the right information. My only question is, will it be yours?

Learn more

 

“Free Marriage in Crisis 8 Page Guide”:

Stephen Hedger is a marriage in crisis specialist sought after by CEO’s Bankers, Judges, GP’s, Business Leaders, A List Celebrities and Entrepreneurs Globally


Stephen says when you are in marital crisis it's important to know what to do to make sure your next steps don't make the situation even worse. This short guide written by Stephen is designed to help you take a step back and consider next steps intelligently.

 

Click to Download FREE

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10 Harley Street
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W1G 9PF

Stephen Hedger offers married couples in crisis across the globe a comprehensive strategic roadmap to overcome their marriage problems. Today Stephen works with Celebrities, CEO’s, Lawyers, Bankers, Royalty, Judges, and business owners helping them transform their family and personal relationships with massive breakthroughs, seemingly against all odds.

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Recent Posts

  • His marriage was over!
  • “Needy and not needed!”
  • “Discover the No.1 Philosophy of Highly Effective Spouses: From Struggle to Success”
  • “Unveiling the Secrets: How I Mastered the Art of Resolving Relationship Issues”
  • 3 Foundations for a Healthy Marriage

*Disclaimer:
Any testimonials stated on this page or on any pages on the Stephen Hedger Marriage Coach website/s are proof of our success, naturally, results may vary from person to person.

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