A person’s out-of-control emotional triggers can have a profoundly negative effect on the quality of a couple’s marriage in the end, making it an unsafe place to be.
Today’s post is potentially life-changing for anyone with this specific challenge.
I see firsthand how upsetting historical events/traumas that took place long before a couple first met can help a person put enormous stress on their marriage today without knowing or meaning to.
What we are looking at today is emotional triggers that keep upsetting the individual and that will lead to an unpleasant and distorted marital connection.
The basics of triggers: Emotional triggers are stimuli that provoke strong emotional reactions, often because they are connected to upsetting past experiences or deeply held limiting beliefs. They can vary greatly from person to person based on their individual experiences, perceptions, and sensitivities.
The problem is couples do not understand their reality as this problem helps them see the marriage worse than it is, and in the end, this trend is disastrous for their marriage.
The triggered person may put too much pressure on the marriage to perform in a certain way, and the person on the receiving end can end up self-protecting and withdrawing from their inability to understand or be successful.
The challenge a person with emotional triggers has is they can struggle to take personal responsibility for their emotions, meaning they can blame others for how they feel.
They can be on a constant search for how their partner can change so they are emotionally safe.
This process of demanding change can, in the end, help their partner feel success with their partner is impossible as they feel the daily failure, and they can end up fearing that they are not enough, which compounds the problem.
A spouse can find that they are being asked to become more and more responsible for how their partner feels, which is going to affect what they attach to their partner negatively.
Caring about how someone feels is part and parcel of a healthy relationship.
However, it becomes unhealthy when a person’s happiness can only happen outside of themselves.
A person must be able to find happiness within themselves as that’s the only place that happiness is created and lives.
We all like confident partners that need us however, when a partner becomes constantly triggered and needy, the energy can exhaust their partner into withdrawal or explosion.
One lady came to me because she had not seen the effect her triggers and demands had on him, and for years, he said nothing, and then, one day, he just never came home.
This needy energy can help partners to withdraw, and that helps the needy person to esculate their neediness.
So it’s important for the person who is emotionally triggered to take back control and take their power back so what they bring to the relationship adds value and doesn’t destroy.
Their happiness and joy must be back in their hands, or they will always be emotionally enslaved to their partner and how they respond.
You see the mechanics of how any human works is very simple.
Every feeling we experience comes from within ourselves, good and bad. We are the creators, and so many don’t like their own creations.
This means we are the creators of everything we feel – that right your partner can’t make you feel anything!!! – They can, of course, trigger you, but every feeling after the trigger is of your own making.
Many people create feelings they don’t like from their triggers and then blame others for the feelings that follow. This can cause terrible conflicts and misunderstandings.
So, a person can run around the world trying to make sure 8 billion people understand and respect their triggers, but they might find that this is a big job.
They might find it easier to take responsibility and deal with their triggers so they are back in control of themselves and what they bring to the table.
You see, we all have a responsibility in our marriages.
We can choose to make any situation better or worse; in many, their triggers will make them worse.
So you can imagine the trouble a couple is in when one person’s triggers are triggering the other person; now, both people have lost control of themselves, each other, and the relationship.
People spend years doing this, and every failure takes them closer to bigger problems.
Each person has a responsibility to themselves and their marriage to correct their own emotional triggers so they don’t negatively stress the marriage or their partner.
This is why emotions such as blaming, demanding, controlling and judging end up being toxic practices that are almost guaranteed to kill a relationships connection, no matter how long they have been together or how much they love each other.
After all, who wants to spend more time with a person who is a constant proof of our own failures?
No relationship can ever get to the depths of happiness if a person’s relationship with themselves doesn’t work.
This is why individual empowerment work is a big part of my couple’s work for those who have had enough of the problems and want to take their power back.