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Stephen Hedger

Stephen Hedger

Crisis Marriage Coach | Harley Street London

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“Maybe you are incompatible!”

I have this question almost every day. They say “I worry we are incompatible” and my response is you might be, but what if you are only incompatible based on the distortion you have both created?

What if the truth is you are genuinely compatible you just don’t yet know how to grow that energy?

What if that is true?

You see genuine incompatibility is rarer than you might think.

There are some couples who have a needs structure which means they will always struggle without external help, you might be that couple.

It’s why one of my first jobs is to run a needs profile assessment to see where the natural struggle would be.

After all, if you don’t know what drives your partner emotionally how will they ever feel understood and supported by you?

But needs are just one of the many moving parts I need to explore to discover what is actually possible.

One challenge many people don’t consider is the possibility they have attached feeling bad to the relationship, but something else is that person’s real challenge.

Other couples have belief systems that limit them from feeling good. Feeling good for them is like the mathematical formula for an eclipse as they are patterned to look for what’s wrong.

Some are running the wrong identity in their marriage and it’s jarring their connection you see living in the energy of a CEO is not the right energy for being a husband or a wife.

What about the person who keeps disconnecting from their own emotional system feels bad and blames the external world marriage included? If your relationship with yourself is distorted everything will feel wrong, especially where any pressure exists.

What if someone is running a fear system that is designed to protect them, but does it in a way that collapses their connection? Most people are doing this.

Some couples run expectation models without telling their partner and then wonder why they don’t comply.

Others have rules for feeling upset, but have so many that being upset is easy for them it’s like they are searching for ways to be unhappy.

Some think their partner should think the same as they do and if they don’t the love is now in question?

Others attach meanings to situations under the illusion that is the only meaning possible.

Many have no idea what their role or responsibility is in the marriage so they lower their expectation of themselves and put the responsibility on their partner.

Everyone I meet has little to no idea of what creates attraction in their partner so without knowing they help them switch it off.

Not one person I have met knows what each person is trying to achieve when they speak to each other as bizarre as that sounds it’s true, so no wonder they struggle to communicate.

So with all this confusion are they incompatible? Well, with this level of deficit of course because everyone is if they do this.

But what happens when they learn how they are part of the problem?

The simple answer for you is I don’t know we have never met, but once you learn all this the answer will become very clear and quickly.

I hope you are seeing why it’s so easy to struggle with each other, love, attraction, passion isn’t a magical force that stays just because you are married.

These powerfully critical energies that are foundational for any marriage to survive have to be created and as yet no one person knows how this happens.

So sexual energy dies and if they are lucky they remain friends.

The result is resentment, and that creates fear that leads them into an incompatibility dynamic.

So it’s true most couples do end up incompatible, but only because they have mismanaged themselves and the relationship.

To be honest, it’s not their fault, most people are just doing their best, but with so much to change and a significant cost of getting it wrong, it’s why my sessions are packed with couples and individuals fighting for the truth, their truth.

Emotionally the cost of divorce is significant for every person including the children who do suffer significantly. Yes, the kids will survive but the emotional cost is there, but hidden ready to appear later, the mind never forgets.

There is the cost of splitting the assets and ongoing support in amongst the cost of setting up new lives which most don’t factor in.

Then there is the cost of meeting new partners and getting that wrong over and over.

Leaving a marriage doesn’t mean the person now magically has the skill to make the next one work but they never see it this way.

Leaving a marriage doesn’t make anyone an instantly good partner it’s just an expensive way to swap one set of problems for another.

The grass is not always greener, in fact, many suffer so much and go to such low places and in that place, they attract new partners who are attracted to them when they are depressed.

Others search for the polar opposite of their partner only to discover that’s the wrong answer too, this takes years to discover.

The foundation is always going to be wrong without learning and so the disaster then happens all over again.

Some repeat this and then so fed up with the mess conclude they are better off alone so they now have to live without the love only a committed relationship can bring.

Why would anyone put themselves on this roller coaster? Especially when the answers are here right now today for those ready to learn.

Category iconMarriage Coaching

"Clients have been kind enough to want to support YOU because they were once in your shoes"

Read their stories!

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Over 1000 Relationship Articles

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I’m not going to ask you how you “feel", pay me to watch you argue, or try to find the person to blame.

I am looking to discover if the couple can become a team, overcome their problems together and create a dynamic that will create a loving and passionate life together.

My approach is to take you from where you are, to where you want to be… fast!

I can not recommend Stephen highly enough – he not only saved our marriage, but has improved my marriage and myself as a person.

Banker - London

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Do You Want
To Save Your Marriage?

Hi, I'm Stephen Hedger. I'm determined to help couples discover what their marriage is capable of with the right information. My only question is, will it be yours?

Learn more

A 30 minute call with Stephen

In a short phone conversation, Stephen was able to quickly get to the heart of what the real issue was in our marriage – and why in almost a year of working on our marriage including 10 weeks of marriage counselling through a relationship therapy organisation, we weren’t really making any progress. I found Stephen to be extremely perceptive, as well as empathetic to our situation, while being able to quickly pinpoint the real sticking point in our marriage.
Many thanks
Olivia

Dear Stephen
Thank you for your time to listen to my experience in my marriage. You gave me encouragement to speak out to my partner in confidence. You made me realise that sometimes the way we make comments on each other can aggravate the situation and make it worse. Your advice made me feel revived.

Kind regards

Chipo

Success Stories

Client responds to testimonial

November 11, 2021 By Stephen Hedger

I’m working with this lady, and during the session, she wanted to comment on a testimonial another client had left. As you go through today post, you will see what she wanted to say. Before you get to her words, I want to set the context. I’m not quoting her word for word here, but […]

“I was in tears…” 

October 20, 2021 By Stephen Hedger

‘Initially I went to Stephen with a sole focus on saving my marriage as my husband wanted a divorce whilst I felt I could not let go of the 14 years’ relationship without giving it a second chance. My husband was determined to exit and refused to join the Marriage Breakthrough Programme with me, therefore […]

“Lawyer saves relationship alone”!

July 27, 2021 By Stephen Hedger

“I went to see Stephen when my relationship was at breaking point. The final trigger was my partner’s plan to sell his property and move in with me. We had until then a long-distance relationship and never spent more than about a month together (thanks to the COVID lockdown). I had finally moved to his […]

“It was like walking through a minefield blindfolded”

November 29, 2020 By Stephen Hedger

When relationships go wrong the pain can be unbelievable. Today’s post is about a couple whose relationship was quickly out of control and both people thought it was the end. When I first agreed to meet this couple she arrived first.  She was clearly very anxious, eyes darting, wringing hands, unsure if her husband would […]

One small shift changed her mind & saved her marriage – Part 2 of “Should divorce really be the next step?”

May 10, 2020 By Stephen Hedger

What sits at the core of the most successful marriages. What is it that makes the difference. What is it that helps couples stand the test of time? What is it that helps couples make it through all the ups and downs life has to throw at them? Is sex at the core for a […]

Do you want
To Save your Marriage?

Hi, I'm Stephen Hedger. I'm determined to help couples discover what their marriage is capable of with the right information. My only question is, will it be yours?

Learn more

 

“Free Marriage in Crisis 8 Page Guide”:

Stephen Hedger is a marriage in crisis specialist sought after by CEO’s Bankers, Judges, GP’s, Business Leaders, A List Celebrities and Entrepreneurs Globally


Stephen says when you are in marital crisis it's important to know what to do to make sure your next steps don't make the situation even worse. This short guide written by Stephen is designed to help you take a step back and consider next steps intelligently.

 

Click to Download FREE

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Head Office
10 Harley Street
London
W1G 9PF

Stephen Hedger offers married couples in crisis across the globe a comprehensive strategic roadmap to overcome their marriage problems. Today Stephen works with Celebrities, CEO’s, Lawyers, Bankers, Royalty, Judges, and business owners helping them transform their family and personal relationships with massive breakthroughs, seemingly against all odds.

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Recent Posts

  • Marriage is a dance – A dance most couples kill
  • “We can’t find a way forward!”
  • Breaking unhealthy relationship patterns
  • Anyone that marries will have trouble!
  • “Identity Secrets”- Mini Post

*Disclaimer:
Any testimonials stated on this page or on any pages on the Stephen Hedger Marriage Coach website/s are proof of our success, naturally, results may vary from person to person.

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