I sit at the sharp end of marital crisis every day, and I see first-hand what everyone is doing that’s leading them to divorce.
Far too many have no idea they are on this disastrous path until it’s too late.
Everyone comes to see me with different problems affairs, loss of passion, loss of trust, money issues, loss of love and emotional connection, to name a few.
Every couple I see, no matter what symptom they bring, has these collection of problems.
To understand these problems properly, we’ll start with a global problem that most people suffer from.
They are influenced by a fear that they are not enough and won’t be loved, which can knock their confidence in themselves and their relationship.
This feeling is devastating for so many people; some are consciously aware of it, and others are not aware, but it drives their actions.
So when a couple starts to practice behaviours that take their relationship to this place of not feeling they are enough, self-protection behaviours can start to cause a disconnect.
Self-protection is a fearful response and kills love and passion, so it’s critical to understand how to avoid getting into this problem.
This next sentence is important!
Every single couple I see has made something more important than their partner in their partners’ mind, and when this happens, relationship problems are never far away.
The important part of that sentence is “….in your partners mind.”
Many people feel they are putting their partner first, but the reality is their partner thinks they are not a priority so end up feeling insignificant and alone in the marriage.
What they think is critical to understand because it’s what they think and feel is what tells them it’s time to leave the relationship.
This is why understanding your partners’ world is so critical to learn if you want the relationship to survive.
What could be insignificant to one person might be the most important thing to the other.
People who have committed their lives to their marriage and their partner will need to feel loved unconditionally.
Very few feel this and so they protect themselves from the relationship.
They withhold their own love from their partner, and they end up meeting their needs outside the relationship.
How many people feel insignificant in their relationship and get their needs met through their work or their children?
Couples get themselves into crisis because they are totally unaware of the small things they are doing or not doing that can build up to a massive problem.
So many couples are suffering because they have no idea how their partner thinks differently to them and so they translate their partner behaviours in a way that means they must protect themselves from them.
This creates a devastating ping-pong effect of two people making a point of being together irrelevant, but neither person is aware of what they are doing.
Divorce is never something a couple designs.
The root of divorce for far too many people sits in a total lack of understanding of their partners world so…
- People stop loving and start judging.
- People start protecting themselves from a partner who is trying to love them but in their own way.
The key to understating is learning.
When couples come to see me, I share that I’m not trying to fix their marriage; they are the ones that do that.
What I teach is what they must know and do to protect their relationship from so many hidden problems most couples experience.
I have the brightest people come in for help, and they really had no idea what they needed to know to keep a marriage alive for life.
The problem so many couples face is they have waited until disaster hits before they seek help.
That means they now need a strategy of learning that can help them discover what they must now do.
For some, the relationship was right to end, but for most couples, their disconnect is down to lack of understanding on both sides.
And that must be corrected for an intelligent decision to be made about the rest of your lives.
