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Stephen Hedger

Stephen Hedger

Crisis Marriage Coach | Harley Street London

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“My partner refuses to talk about our problems”

I get people seeking help from me on their own because their husband or wife will refuse to talk about their problems with them or with a professional.

So why would someone refuse to speak to solve the problems?

There are many reasons, but here are a few.

  1. The person doesn’t agree there is a problem.
  2. The person knows if they talk about the problem, the problem will get worse.
  3. If they talk about the problem they will have to deal with emotions that follow and that scares them as they don’t know what to do.
  4. If they talk about the issues the relationship will end.
  5. They are just not ready with what they want to achieve from a conversation.
  6. Being silent keeps them in control.
  7. They know they will emotionally lose control if they talk.
  8. They know they are the problem and they don’t want to admit it.
  9. They don’t know what they want.
  10. They want out, but are stuck.

What can you do to get a person talking about the issues.

The problem with trying to force someone to talk is you will notice they will go further into their shell if you try it.

In fact you cannot force anyone to make changes that they don’t want to make.

What you can do is become an influence for change.

What so many miss is the reason their partner remains stuck in this pattern is because they too are stuck in the same pattern of approach.

What they need is a new approach.

A person in this situation will notice that as they try to engage their partner they will trigger them into negative behaviours.

What this tells us is the person can be influenced.

The next step is to discover how you can trigger the person positively.

You see you are far more likely to engage a person by taking them to feelings they would like.

By supporting their needs and helping them positively you are far more likely to engage them to feel confident a conversation will be constructive.

That creates a new platform for less defensive conversations.

You see the idea of not talking in all cases is a self-protective position.

Once you remove the need for self-protection the pattern of engagement can change.

This enables reconnection.

One gentleman spent his sessions with me understanding how he could do this with his wife who had left him.

He engaged her so differently and successfully she decided she would like to meet me.

She was confused, skeptical, and stuck.

He was now stepping up and being what she always needed.

Could she trust the shift in him?

She had to find out and so she agreed to join in the process for personal empowerment and 6 months after she left him she moved back in.

It all started with him changing his behaviours.

He took sole responsibility of their marriage, he owned his problems, put her first and looked after her in a way she could connect to.

He didn’t wait for her to change like so many do and fail.

He understood that if he wanted a change then he must be that change.

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Category iconCommunication,  Destructive Patterns,  Marriage Coaching

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I’m not going to ask you how you “feel", pay me to watch you argue, or try to find the person to blame.

I am looking to discover if the couple can become a team, overcome their problems together and create a dynamic that will create a loving and passionate life together.

My approach is to take you from where you are, to where you want to be… fast!

I can not recommend Stephen highly enough – he not only saved our marriage, but has improved my marriage and myself as a person.

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Do You Want
To Save Your Marriage?

Hi, I'm Stephen Hedger. I'm determined to help couples discover what their marriage is capable of with the right information. My only question is, will it be yours?

Learn more

A 30 minute call with Stephen

In a short phone conversation, Stephen was able to quickly get to the heart of what the real issue was in our marriage – and why in almost a year of working on our marriage including 10 weeks of marriage counselling through a relationship therapy organisation, we weren’t really making any progress. I found Stephen to be extremely perceptive, as well as empathetic to our situation, while being able to quickly pinpoint the real sticking point in our marriage.
Many thanks
Olivia

Dear Stephen
Thank you for your time to listen to my experience in my marriage. You gave me encouragement to speak out to my partner in confidence. You made me realise that sometimes the way we make comments on each other can aggravate the situation and make it worse. Your advice made me feel revived.

Kind regards

Chipo

Success Stories

Marriage Crisis from Infidelity & Communication Breakdown

August 21, 2023 By Stephen Hedger

Today’s post is about a professional couple in the UK who decided they wanted to share their experience of their tailormade program that was designed to help them out of their marital challenges. They were in crisis due to communication breakdown and infidelity. They had 12 meetings over five months to learn how to reconnect […]

His marriage was over!

June 5, 2023 By Stephen Hedger

This man was in the depths of sadness, his marriage was over, but he didn’t want it to be. They had seen numerous counsellors who had all concluded the marriage was indeed over. He had lost all feelings for his wife. Due to being so stuck for so long, he had started an affair. But […]

Client responds to testimonial

November 11, 2021 By Stephen Hedger

I’m working with this lady, and during the session, she wanted to comment on a testimonial another client had left. As you go through today post, you will see what she wanted to say. Before you get to her words, I want to set the context. I’m not quoting her word for word here, but […]

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‘Initially I went to Stephen with a sole focus on saving my marriage as my husband wanted a divorce whilst I felt I could not let go of the 14 years’ relationship without giving it a second chance. My husband was determined to exit and refused to join the Marriage Breakthrough Programme with me, therefore […]

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July 27, 2021 By Stephen Hedger

“I went to see Stephen when my relationship was at breaking point. The final trigger was my partner’s plan to sell his property and move in with me. We had until then a long-distance relationship and never spent more than about a month together (thanks to the COVID lockdown). I had finally moved to his […]

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Hi, I'm Stephen Hedger. I'm determined to help couples discover what their marriage is capable of with the right information. My only question is, will it be yours?

Learn more

 

“Free Marriage in Crisis 8 Page Guide”:

Stephen Hedger is a marriage in crisis specialist sought after by CEO’s Bankers, Judges, GP’s, Business Leaders, A List Celebrities and Entrepreneurs Globally


Stephen says when you are in marital crisis it's important to know what to do to make sure your next steps don't make the situation even worse. This short guide written by Stephen is designed to help you take a step back and consider next steps intelligently.

 

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Stephen Hedger offers married couples in crisis across the globe a comprehensive strategic roadmap to overcome their marriage problems. Today Stephen works with Celebrities, CEO’s, Lawyers, Bankers, Royalty, Judges, and business owners helping them transform their family and personal relationships with massive breakthroughs, seemingly against all odds.

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Recent Posts

  • The Blame Game Trap!
  • “The Relationship Mirror Problem”
  • The Success Path for Failing Marriages
  • Marriage Crisis from Infidelity & Communication Breakdown
  • “Free your partner before they free themselves”

*Disclaimer:
Any testimonials stated on this page or on any pages on the Stephen Hedger Marriage Coach website/s are proof of our success, naturally, results may vary from person to person.

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