When you consider the massive scale of problems I see every year, which problem is common in almost every situation?
- From affairs to loss of love
- From the loss of attraction to unhappy sex lives
- From boredom to circular conflicts
This list could go on.
The biggest problem I see is when people lose connection with themselves when they are in their marriage.
- I can no longer be myself in this relationship.
- I’ve lost who I am in this marriage.
- I don’t like who I have become when I’m with you.
- I am more myself when I’m with my friends.
- I love spending time with the children when you are not around.
- My needs are met in my job, so I like how I feel about myself when I’m there, but I don’t feel good at home.
This loss of connection with themselves means the person will have to go elsewhere to get their needs met.
They are probably self-protecting due to a lack of emotional connection.
This process can start quite early in many relationships and can grow over time.
Most couples don’t notice this challenge or the importance of seeing this distortion early because life with careers and young families can be all-consuming.
The driver or the reasons behind the problem are varied and can be corrected with the right support.
In essence, it’s critical that a person doesn’t lose that vital connection with who they are because it can create a significant problem not just for their relationship, but themselves too.
This level of self disconnect is challenging and in some cases can have a dramatic affect on a persons health.
Many people generate the feeling that to reconnect with themselves they must leave their marriage.
This step for many is the wrong decision, the correct decision is based on understanding the root cause for this specific challenge.