• Skip to primary navigation
  • Skip to main content
  • Skip to primary sidebar
  • Skip to footer

New Clients: +44 (0)845 519 4808

Existing Clients +44 (0)20 3793 2829

Stephen Hedger

Stephen Hedger

Crisis Marriage Coach | Harley Street London

  • Home
  • Private Coaching
  • Marriage Breakthrough Program
    • Couples Coaching
    • Individual Coaching
    • FAQs
  • About
  • Success
  • Initial Consultation
  • Blog

Relationship Secrets: The Biggest Relationship Problem

In today’s post, I’m going to share the biggest relationship problem that couples will experience and is a must to understand if a successful relationship is important to you.

The obvious problems people think of are struggles with:-

  • Arguments
  • Money
  • Communication issues
  • Loss of Intimacy
  • Growing apart
  • Affairs

I see all these as symptoms of the biggest problem couples will face.

The biggest problem will be at the root of all the above and can kill a couple’s attraction and ultimately their love for each other.

The biggest problem for most couples is their inability to correctly translate what the other person means when they are trying to communicate and what they both need to keep the attraction alive.

For example:

If a man uses the way he thinks to translate how a woman is reacting he will totally miss what she is trying to say and why.

I watch in sessions when his wife speaks the men totally miss what she is trying to say to him. This leads him to approach her in a way that not only frustrates her but disconnects her from him

Women are usually more intuitive when it comes to emotions but are also struggling to understand why their husbands are acting the way they are.

So imagine if for years each person is putting the wrong translation to their partners’ words and actions and this leads them to withdraw, resent or self-protect in some way.

The couple will eventually enter crisis due to practising this level of disconnected thinking.

I remember one gentleman translating his wife’s words and actions to me. His translation had led him to resentment and withdrawal and he was talking about exiting the marriage.

I asked him to look for other ways to translate her behaviours and he said: “what other way can there be?”

This thought process is a core problem, far too many people are only seeing the world through their own eyes and life experiences and this is really not enough to correctly translate and add value to their relationship.

When individuals assume the way they think is the way everyone thinks they will struggle to connect at a deeper level with others.

Couples that come to me for help are asked to bring an open mind to learn something totally new.

I remember a gentleman talking about the work we had done together. He was struggling with his marriage at the age of 71. He was a CEO of a large company now retired, but an active investor.

At 71 he was still full of energy, but confused by his lack of connection with his wife.

I spent time with him helping him to correctly translate her so he knew how to support her.

I remember him saying he had married his wife at the age of 24 and even though he knew his wife every well he realised after the work we had done he also didn’t know her at all and this was a shocking revelation.

He had spent his whole life with her translating her as if she was him.

She stayed with him, but she never got to the level of connection she wanted and she had eventually just given up.

Sadly this lack of connection did have an affect in the way she showed up in the marriage.

She assumed his work was more important than her and so she immersed herself in her family and he carried on being a good financial provider.

They had a good life but were never really connected because on both sides they didn’t know how to bridge the gap of individual experience and real understanding.

They discovered that the energy that created that deeper connection was rooted in a new understanding of what each person really needed.

This meant they both had to put their own individual translation of what was going on to one side so they had the space to learn their partners’ real experience and critical needs.

They discovered that men and women in an intimate relationship have a totally different reason for communicating, they never knew.

“No wonder we always went round in circles” he said

She discovered she didn’t know what she needed that would actually help her become more connected and sexually attracted to him.

She could see now, how would he know what she needed if she didn’t.

It’s very common for individuals to not know what they need. Some don’t know what they need, but unfairly expect their partner to know.

They discovered that to stay together they had hidden away critical parts of who they were to keep the peace and had lived together as CEO and Mum.

They lived well if they kept it calm but transactional, the energy of lovers had died many years ago but it didn’t need to be that way.

I see so many couples who have lived this way ending up in crisis when retirement or children leave home.

The correct translation of each other is critical and yet is not taught and is not a natural skill so it must be learnt.

So before a person decides their marriage doesn’t work ask you self why?

Are we really incompatible or have we without knowing totally misunderstood our partners cry for help.

Have I been protecting myself from an incorrect translation of my relationship.

The key is to get the answers to the question WHY!!!

  • Why does my partner act this way?
  • Why do we go round in circles?
  • Why have we lost sexual connection?

The list goes on….

Category iconCommunication,  Marriage Coaching

"FREE Call with Harley Street Marriage in Crisis Expert Stephen Hedger"

"In a short phone conversation, Stephen was able to quickly get to the heart of what the real issue was in our marriage – and why in almost a year of working on our marriage including 10 weeks of marriage counselling through a relationship therapy organisation, we weren’t really making any progress."

Get Started Now!

Recent Posts

  • “Never try to change your partner”
  • Retired couple in crisis “We should know better at our age!”
  • “He wants to leave the marriage”
  • Never make anything more important than your partner – Mini Post
  • Never Ignore Your Partner’s Cry for Help – Mini Post

Over 1000 Relationship Articles

 

Categories

  • A thought for Sunday
  • Communication
  • Destructive Patterns
  • Infidelity-Affairs
  • Loss of Love
  • Loss of passion
  • Marriage Coaching
  • Personal Development
  • Rebuilding trust
  • Relationship Stories
  • Retirement Crisis
  • Save Marriage Alone
  • Separation & Divorce
  • Stop & Never – Mini Posts
  • Testimonials
  • Top 10 Popular Posts
  • Uncategorized

Primary Sidebar

Free Blog Subscription

Join over 30,000 subscribers who have looked for insights into intimate relationships why they work and why they don't. Weekly posts join now.....

Popular Posts

  • Built an Empire and lost a Family
  • Marriage in Limbo
  • Rebuilding Connection & Trust
  • Divorce Regret
  • Divorce Prevention
  • Resentment Stacking
  • 36 Principles For Success
  • My Wife is Aggressive
  • A Wise Old Man's Decision
  • I was in tears
  • Tourtured by the past

Do You Want
To Save Your Marriage?

Hi, I'm Stephen Hedger. I'm determined to help couples discover what their marriage is capable of with the right information. My only question is, will it be yours?

Learn more

About Stephen Hedger

Stephen Hedger is known as the most sought after marriage in crisis specialist in the UK. He is famous for consistently and naturally saving many marriages from divorce. He is a favourite of business leaders, business owners, Judges and celebrities.

Stephen runs his meetings from his office in Harley Street London and supports his global clients over Zoom.

Learn more

A 30 minute call with Stephen

In a short phone conversation, Stephen was able to quickly get to the heart of what the real issue was in our marriage – and why in almost a year of working on our marriage including 10 weeks of marriage counselling through a relationship therapy organisation, we weren’t really making any progress. I found Stephen to be extremely perceptive, as well as empathetic to our situation, while being able to quickly pinpoint the real sticking point in our marriage.
Many thanks
Olivia

Dear Stephen
Thank you for your time to listen to my experience in my marriage. You gave me encouragement to speak out to my partner in confidence. You made me realise that sometimes the way we make comments on each other can aggravate the situation and make it worse. Your advice made me feel revived.

Kind regards

Chipo

Success Stories

Client responds to testimonial

November 11, 2021 By Stephen Hedger

I’m working with this lady, and during the session, she wanted to comment on a testimonial another client had left. As you go through today post, you will see what she wanted to say. Before you get to her words, I want to set the context. I’m not quoting her word for word here, but […]

“I was in tears…” 

October 20, 2021 By Stephen Hedger

‘Initially I went to Stephen with a sole focus on saving my marriage as my husband wanted a divorce whilst I felt I could not let go of the 14 years’ relationship without giving it a second chance. My husband was determined to exit and refused to join the Marriage Breakthrough Programme with me, therefore […]

“Lawyer saves relationship alone”!

July 27, 2021 By Stephen Hedger

“I went to see Stephen when my relationship was at breaking point. The final trigger was my partner’s plan to sell his property and move in with me. We had until then a long-distance relationship and never spent more than about a month together (thanks to the COVID lockdown). I had finally moved to his […]

“It was like walking through a minefield blindfolded”

November 29, 2020 By Stephen Hedger

When relationships go wrong the pain can be unbelievable. Today’s post is about a couple whose relationship was quickly out of control and both people thought it was the end. When I first agreed to meet this couple she arrived first.  She was clearly very anxious, eyes darting, wringing hands, unsure if her husband would […]

One small shift changed her mind & saved her marriage – Part 2 of “Should divorce really be the next step?”

May 10, 2020 By Stephen Hedger

What sits at the core of the most successful marriages. What is it that makes the difference. What is it that helps couples stand the test of time? What is it that helps couples make it through all the ups and downs life has to throw at them? Is sex at the core for a […]

Do you want
To Save your Marriage?

Hi, I'm Stephen Hedger. I'm determined to help couples discover what their marriage is capable of with the right information. My only question is, will it be yours?

Learn more

 

“Free Marriage in Crisis 8 Page Guide”:

Stephen Hedger is a marriage in crisis specialist sought after by CEO’s Bankers, Judges, GP’s, Business Leaders, A List Celebrities and Entrepreneurs Globally


Stephen says when you are in marital crisis it's important to know what to do to make sure your next steps don't make the situation even worse. This short guide written by Stephen is designed to help you take a step back and consider next steps intelligently.

 

Click to Download FREE

Footer

Sessions currently held over Zoom

If you are interested in Stephens help please call his team on

+44 (0)845 519 4808


Head Office
10 Harley Street
London
W1G 9PF

Stephen Hedger offers married couples in crisis across the globe a comprehensive strategic roadmap to overcome their marriage problems. Today Stephen works with Celebrities, CEO’s, Lawyers, Bankers, Royalty, Judges, and business owners helping them transform their family and personal relationships with massive breakthroughs, seemingly against all odds.

  • Cloe Hedger (Stephen’s wife)
  • Marriage Breakthrough Program
  • Individual Coaching
  • About
  • Success Stories
  • Over 1000 Articles
  • FAQs
  • Mission: Vision: Values:

Recent Posts

  • “Never try to change your partner”
  • Retired couple in crisis “We should know better at our age!”
  • “He wants to leave the marriage”
  • Never make anything more important than your partner – Mini Post
  • Never Ignore Your Partner’s Cry for Help – Mini Post

*Disclaimer:
Any testimonials stated on this page or on any pages on the Stephen Hedger Marriage Coach website/s are proof of our success, naturally, results may vary from person to person.

Apply FOR HELP NOW

Terms & Privacy Policy      Copyright © 2022 StephenHedger.com. All rights reserved. Company No.08279028    Return to top