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Stephen Hedger

Stephen Hedger

Crisis Marriage Coach | Harley Street London

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“She wanted a divorce until..!”

So what has to change for a woman to be so convinced she wants a divorce?

I was talking about wisdom a few days ago and here it is in action.

This lady was right to think divorce was the right decision.

But she was wrong about what she needed to divorce.

You see what she learnt was she needed to divorce how she was approaching her relationship.

She needed to divorce the dynamic she was a part of creating yet didn’t like.

She needed to divorce the old knowledge and replace it with a new safer way of thinking.

You see smart people know when they see the truth and are happy to change their minds when they see it.

This lady was the wife of a CEO and was unhappy and blamed him.

When I met her I could see she was unaware she was only seeing the world from her own perspective, like so many people she thought what she thinks is how it is and all there is.

She had no idea what she wanted and needed would never be understood by her husband who was busy fire fighting at work whilst not seeing the fire that was decimating his marriage at home.

Her emotional system was telling her to make a change, but her knowledge was limited so she could only see one choice and that was a divorce.

Thankfully she was smart and she was open to learning.

She told me she wanted out. I could hear she was living the story she had created which would have been painful.

I could also hear a very limited perspective, as she told her story I could hear that her husband would never have understood what she needed.

Yet here she was blaming him.

I told her I was not interested in glueing them back together, but I was keen that she expanded her knowledge so she could make a safer decision.

So I asked her to put the lawyers on hold whilst we worked together.

She reluctantly agreed.

As I helped her to expand her thinking to see his world I could see confusion descend.

Part of her that could see what I was telling her was true was in a battle with the old her that wanted out.

She was not going to give up her old thinking without a fight, she had spent years using it to feel terrible and attaching it to him.

So she fought and challenged, but in the end, what she wanted was the truth.

She wanted a safer future and she could start to see how she was in the marriage was a big part of the problem.

She could now see her husband’s perspective and how she had been a part of turning him into an unhappy man at home.

The unhappy man she despised.

She started to see she lacked the understanding of how to bring out who he really is, the man she fell in love with.

These are important skills to learn you see the demanding, the negativity, and the criticism had shut him down and pushed him to work harder at work at least he was successful there.

Although she was entrenched in her suffering she had one quality that would keep her safe.

She had the courage to admit she was wrong. This lady had courage, many don’t have the courage to seek their truth so they have to live with the truth of their distortions whilst blaming others for how they feel.

She didn’t want to live that distorted truth.

By allowing new thinking in she allowed wisdom in, the wisdom that says just maybe I’m also part of this problem.

This allowed her to see by being the creator of the problem she had the power to change not just how she felt, but also change her husband and how he showed up.

She learnt how to hear him, and how to bring out a part of him that would support what she needed.

She discovered she could give him a safer place to open up.

She told me he started to talk to her.

She created a place where he felt safe to let go of being the CEO at home and wanted to become the husband she fell in love with.

This lady had fallen into a common trap that people suffer from.

She had been seduced by the part of her that needs to look for what was wrong, we all have it.

When this search happens she will find it and if practised over many years she will emotionally retreat to protect herself from what it discovers.

As she changes through fear she will bring out the worst in him and ends up using his reactions to her as proof of the truth.

This is the problem so many face, they are living the truth of their distortions not of their capability.

Only the brave few will search for the truth, these brave few refuse to suffer.

Category iconMarriage Coaching

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I’m not going to ask you how you “feel", pay me to watch you argue, or try to find the person to blame.

I am looking to discover if the couple can become a team, overcome their problems together and create a dynamic that will create a loving and passionate life together.

My approach is to take you from where you are, to where you want to be… fast!

I can not recommend Stephen highly enough – he not only saved our marriage, but has improved my marriage and myself as a person.

Banker - London

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Do You Want
To Save Your Marriage?

Hi, I'm Stephen Hedger. I'm determined to help couples discover what their marriage is capable of with the right information. My only question is, will it be yours?

Learn more

A 30 minute call with Stephen

In a short phone conversation, Stephen was able to quickly get to the heart of what the real issue was in our marriage – and why in almost a year of working on our marriage including 10 weeks of marriage counselling through a relationship therapy organisation, we weren’t really making any progress. I found Stephen to be extremely perceptive, as well as empathetic to our situation, while being able to quickly pinpoint the real sticking point in our marriage.
Many thanks
Olivia

Dear Stephen
Thank you for your time to listen to my experience in my marriage. You gave me encouragement to speak out to my partner in confidence. You made me realise that sometimes the way we make comments on each other can aggravate the situation and make it worse. Your advice made me feel revived.

Kind regards

Chipo

Success Stories

Client responds to testimonial

November 11, 2021 By Stephen Hedger

I’m working with this lady, and during the session, she wanted to comment on a testimonial another client had left. As you go through today post, you will see what she wanted to say. Before you get to her words, I want to set the context. I’m not quoting her word for word here, but […]

“I was in tears…” 

October 20, 2021 By Stephen Hedger

‘Initially I went to Stephen with a sole focus on saving my marriage as my husband wanted a divorce whilst I felt I could not let go of the 14 years’ relationship without giving it a second chance. My husband was determined to exit and refused to join the Marriage Breakthrough Programme with me, therefore […]

“Lawyer saves relationship alone”!

July 27, 2021 By Stephen Hedger

“I went to see Stephen when my relationship was at breaking point. The final trigger was my partner’s plan to sell his property and move in with me. We had until then a long-distance relationship and never spent more than about a month together (thanks to the COVID lockdown). I had finally moved to his […]

“It was like walking through a minefield blindfolded”

November 29, 2020 By Stephen Hedger

When relationships go wrong the pain can be unbelievable. Today’s post is about a couple whose relationship was quickly out of control and both people thought it was the end. When I first agreed to meet this couple she arrived first.  She was clearly very anxious, eyes darting, wringing hands, unsure if her husband would […]

One small shift changed her mind & saved her marriage – Part 2 of “Should divorce really be the next step?”

May 10, 2020 By Stephen Hedger

What sits at the core of the most successful marriages. What is it that makes the difference. What is it that helps couples stand the test of time? What is it that helps couples make it through all the ups and downs life has to throw at them? Is sex at the core for a […]

Do you want
To Save your Marriage?

Hi, I'm Stephen Hedger. I'm determined to help couples discover what their marriage is capable of with the right information. My only question is, will it be yours?

Learn more

 

“Free Marriage in Crisis 8 Page Guide”:

Stephen Hedger is a marriage in crisis specialist sought after by CEO’s Bankers, Judges, GP’s, Business Leaders, A List Celebrities and Entrepreneurs Globally


Stephen says when you are in marital crisis it's important to know what to do to make sure your next steps don't make the situation even worse. This short guide written by Stephen is designed to help you take a step back and consider next steps intelligently.

 

Click to Download FREE

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Stephen Hedger offers married couples in crisis across the globe a comprehensive strategic roadmap to overcome their marriage problems. Today Stephen works with Celebrities, CEO’s, Lawyers, Bankers, Royalty, Judges, and business owners helping them transform their family and personal relationships with massive breakthroughs, seemingly against all odds.

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Recent Posts

  • Marriage is a dance – A dance most couples kill
  • “We can’t find a way forward!”
  • Breaking unhealthy relationship patterns
  • Anyone that marries will have trouble!
  • “Identity Secrets”- Mini Post

*Disclaimer:
Any testimonials stated on this page or on any pages on the Stephen Hedger Marriage Coach website/s are proof of our success, naturally, results may vary from person to person.

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