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Stephen Hedger

Stephen Hedger

Crisis Marriage Coach | Harley Street London

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“Sitting on the fence”

Many people have found themselves stuck in a marriage that is not working for them.

They know they are unhappy and have been for a while.

They swing from knowing 100% they have to leave the marriage to days later questioning that decision.

They can cycle from frustration and anger to sadness and then back to frustration looking for an answer that never comes.

A lot of these people are usually very decisive people.

They know how to be successful in the rest of their life yet here they are stuck and directionless.

Even their own stuckness (apparently that is a word) is surprising and frustrating for them.

What’s interesting about this pattern of being stuck, unsure of what to do is it’s not a new pattern for this person in this area of their life.

In their marriage, they will have felt stuck historically especially when things have gone wrong with their partner.

But they normally know what to do

In their professional lives or as a parent when things go wrong they usually know what to do to fix the problems.

But with their marriage, they probably felt lost, confused, and simply baffled by their partners’, behaviors, reactions, and emotions.

This lack of confidence in knowing what to do or how to influence their partner into positive energy when things go wrong is painful.

Who wants to be 100% committed to someone they cannot influence positively?

That’s a vulnerability almost anyone would want to avoid.

They are doing their best, BUT…

What I find is most people are doing their best, BUT…

Trying to understand a partner’s behaviors using the filters of your own mind is always going to lead them to disconnection and problems.

This is why most people are left with this destructive pattern:

I am going to translate your words and behaviors using my worldview and my own mind filters and then make you responsible for my interpretation of what you just said.

This pattern causes terrible problems and can lead couples into the wrong understanding of their relationship.

So the goal is to understand how to get this right.

So it’s time to get off the fence

If the person were to look at this again they would agree they are not 100% committed to leaving yet, if they were committed they would be leaving or would be gone.

They will also notice they are not 100% committed to the marriage either.

They are 100% committed to staying stuck.

My advice to anyone in this horrible situation is to commit 100% to discover what the marriage is capable of.

This is different to 100% committing to fixing it.

What this person needs is a safe path to understanding how to be the best version of themselves whilst learning how to positively trigger their partner.

You see being the best of yourself is really all you have. If the best of you isn’t good enough then, of course, you must leave BUT…

***IMPORTANT!!!***

You must be the best of yourself with the help of someone that knows what they are doing – what you know is not going to be enough.

This is important because your version of being the best of you may not be what your partner needs so getting this part right is critical.

Remember being in a relationship should magnify the feelings you both value.

Remove the destructive patterns

Many people have destructive patterns that mean the way they meet their own needs in the marriage has disconnected them from what they value.

This is going to be emotionally painful problem for themselves and their partner.

These are the unseen destructive patterns that will migrate into future relationships if not understood today.

Many have discovered this too late so we must learn from their lessons.

So before the marriage is shut-down the first question is how would the marriage respond if both people removed their destructive patterns?

What would happen if they grew patterns that connected each individual to themselves and to each other?

Would that be enough?

Until a couple makes these changes they will never know and so doing nothing is not a safe option at all.

It’s not safe because the people that sit on the fence for too long are in danger of their partner taking control and in a way they won’t like.

So taking positive action towards an answer today is critical for anyone in this situation.

The window will close

There is a window of opportunity that will close for every couple in this situation.

So all the time the chance of getting off the fence and throwing yourself into intelligent discovery is still available it’s a really good idea to take it.

You will gain far more clarity than you have today and powerful relationship-building life skills.

Want to now embrace the truth, your truth?

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Category iconDestructive Patterns,  Marriage Coaching

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I’m not going to ask you how you “feel", pay me to watch you argue, or try to find the person to blame.

I am looking to discover if the couple can become a team, overcome their problems together and create a dynamic that will create a loving and passionate life together.

My approach is to take you from where you are, to where you want to be… fast!

I can not recommend Stephen highly enough – he not only saved our marriage, but has improved my marriage and myself as a person.

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Do You Want
To Save Your Marriage?

Hi, I'm Stephen Hedger. I'm determined to help couples discover what their marriage is capable of with the right information. My only question is, will it be yours?

Learn more

A 30 minute call with Stephen

In a short phone conversation, Stephen was able to quickly get to the heart of what the real issue was in our marriage – and why in almost a year of working on our marriage including 10 weeks of marriage counselling through a relationship therapy organisation, we weren’t really making any progress. I found Stephen to be extremely perceptive, as well as empathetic to our situation, while being able to quickly pinpoint the real sticking point in our marriage.
Many thanks
Olivia

Dear Stephen
Thank you for your time to listen to my experience in my marriage. You gave me encouragement to speak out to my partner in confidence. You made me realise that sometimes the way we make comments on each other can aggravate the situation and make it worse. Your advice made me feel revived.

Kind regards

Chipo

Success Stories

His marriage was over!

June 5, 2023 By Stephen Hedger

This man was in the depths of sadness, his marriage was over, but he didn’t want it to be. They had seen numerous counsellors who had all concluded the marriage was indeed over. He had lost all feelings for his wife. Due to being so stuck for so long, he had started an affair. But […]

Client responds to testimonial

November 11, 2021 By Stephen Hedger

I’m working with this lady, and during the session, she wanted to comment on a testimonial another client had left. As you go through today post, you will see what she wanted to say. Before you get to her words, I want to set the context. I’m not quoting her word for word here, but […]

“I was in tears…” 

October 20, 2021 By Stephen Hedger

‘Initially I went to Stephen with a sole focus on saving my marriage as my husband wanted a divorce whilst I felt I could not let go of the 14 years’ relationship without giving it a second chance. My husband was determined to exit and refused to join the Marriage Breakthrough Programme with me, therefore […]

“Lawyer saves relationship alone”!

July 27, 2021 By Stephen Hedger

“I went to see Stephen when my relationship was at breaking point. The final trigger was my partner’s plan to sell his property and move in with me. We had until then a long-distance relationship and never spent more than about a month together (thanks to the COVID lockdown). I had finally moved to his […]

“It was like walking through a minefield blindfolded”

November 29, 2020 By Stephen Hedger

When relationships go wrong the pain can be unbelievable. Today’s post is about a couple whose relationship was quickly out of control and both people thought it was the end. When I first agreed to meet this couple she arrived first.  She was clearly very anxious, eyes darting, wringing hands, unsure if her husband would […]

Do you want
To Save your Marriage?

Hi, I'm Stephen Hedger. I'm determined to help couples discover what their marriage is capable of with the right information. My only question is, will it be yours?

Learn more

 

“Free Marriage in Crisis 8 Page Guide”:

Stephen Hedger is a marriage in crisis specialist sought after by CEO’s Bankers, Judges, GP’s, Business Leaders, A List Celebrities and Entrepreneurs Globally


Stephen says when you are in marital crisis it's important to know what to do to make sure your next steps don't make the situation even worse. This short guide written by Stephen is designed to help you take a step back and consider next steps intelligently.

 

Click to Download FREE

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Stephen Hedger offers married couples in crisis across the globe a comprehensive strategic roadmap to overcome their marriage problems. Today Stephen works with Celebrities, CEO’s, Lawyers, Bankers, Royalty, Judges, and business owners helping them transform their family and personal relationships with massive breakthroughs, seemingly against all odds.

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Recent Posts

  • His marriage was over!
  • “Needy and not needed!”
  • “Discover the No.1 Philosophy of Highly Effective Spouses: From Struggle to Success”
  • “Unveiling the Secrets: How I Mastered the Art of Resolving Relationship Issues”
  • 3 Foundations for a Healthy Marriage

*Disclaimer:
Any testimonials stated on this page or on any pages on the Stephen Hedger Marriage Coach website/s are proof of our success, naturally, results may vary from person to person.

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