I don’t know about you, but personally, I’m a fan of making life easy whenever possible.
I don’t want to wade through a 90-page manual to solve a problem when a few shifts of thinking will work perfectly well.
I like to look at complex problems and make them as easy to solve as fast as possible after all life is short and there’s a lot to experience in life to dwell on what’s wrong for too long.
The guys that went to the moon said they they only had to solve two problems, how to get there and don’t leave until they know how to get back.
So what I keep seeing is even though couples agree easy is what they want too, they still seem committed to doing the reverse.
They take an already complex issue and make it even more complicated to solve by making it far worse for themselves and each other.
So in today’s mini post if we break down a couple’s interaction the outcome is simple to judge.
When a person brings energy, some words, or behaviour the question is this; are they making matters better or worse?
All they have to do is notice by becoming the observer of their interaction.
If they are making it worse on purpose then why?
If they are making it worse, but don’t know why then find out.
If someone is having a negative effect on their partner it’s likely they are not understanding the problem they are in.
- It may be the person doesn’t understand themselves
- It may be they are not understanding their partner
- It may be they are suffering due to a self-limiting belief system
- It may be they don’t have the right map for building successful relationships
- It may be they don’t have the skills to keep their connection alive
To be honest this list could go on and on.
This first question must be do I know how to bring out the best in my partner? If the answer is no then that’s where your search must start.
If you think your partner won’t change, yet they can be triggered to become worse then you know they can change. You just don’t yet know how to trigger them positively so it’s time to find out.
Many people will feel they have tried everything, in most cases, this will be a self-limiting thought as all they will have tried is what they know so they need to expand their knowledge.
To help you benchmark your thinking, if you feel stuck, please know I have never in all my years doing this met a person who understands their partner.
So if you are struggling you are not alone, but there will be answers they are just hidden.
My clients tell me how obvious it is when I point it out, but to do that your thinking would have to change.