People in relationships need to STOP setting their expectations of each other because it doesn’t lead to harmony, it only creates disappointment, conflict and loss of connection.
People who set expectations of their partners are not aware of how much of a problem they are creating because it creates never-ending conflict and bickering.
People who expect and don’t get, tend to nag, judge and blame because they believe what’s in their mind should have happened their way.
Some escalate the problem by putting meanings to what should have happened like “clearly they don’t love me or care”.
Now the person’s language pattern will help them feel “trust” is in question.
So the self-talk based on the expectation that didn’t happen now means something bad and it’s being attached to their partner.
In contrast, the person being complained at will not feel appreciated for the good they do bring to the table, which of course brings resentment within them.
Now they have set up the potential for never-ending conflict and bickering.
This results in two people bringing their own unique perspectives of how life should be, neither getting what they want, both frustrated and unhappy with the other, attaching that suffering to their partner.
This is no way to keep a relationship alive.
So if you want the relationship to last, STOP the expectations they don’t lead couples to want to stay together.
Couples in my sessions learn how to change the expectation model so it works in a win-win model.