• Skip to primary navigation
  • Skip to main content
  • Skip to primary sidebar
  • Skip to footer

New Clients: +44 (0)845 519 4808

Existing Clients +44 (0)20 3793 2829

Stephen Hedger

Stephen Hedger

Crisis Marriage Coach | Harley Street London

  • Get The Book
  • Marriage Breakthrough Program
    • FAQ
  • Clients Success
  • About
  • Blog
    • Marriage Blueprint
    • Saving a Marriage Alone
    • Communication problems
    • Infidelity
    • Loss of Love
    • Loss of Passion
    • Separation Divorce

“The Marriage Mirror”

What does a person do when they put everything into their marriage yet it still doesn’t work?

What do you do when you can see your partner isn’t caring about you?

What do you do when your married life is on the line and yet you feel powerless to change it?

These people are all experiencing the marriage mirror yet they cannot see the reflection they have helped to create.

Below are a number of cases where each person was unhappy, but couldn’t see the reflection they were part of creating in their partner.

So a lady comes to me and tells me she wants an amazing relationship and can I help her build one after her divorce two years before?

The answer is always of course, in fact helping people build the right relationship from day one is something I wish everyone would ask for.

So I said to this lady I want to teach you “The Marriage Mirror”.

She looked intrigued.

You have asked for an amazing relationship which is great so I expect you want me to help you find an amazing partner?

She nodded, “…we are NOT going to do this!”

If you want an amazing relationship then YOU must learn how to become amazing, you must become the mirror of what you want.

The mirror

You see your partner is going to be a mirror of the value you are bringing to them.

Many will throw their arms up in horror, “but I do everything”.

It’s true many people are very busy in their relationship, but what if what they are doing has no value to their partner?

What I see is many people are busy in a way that kills their partners’ energy.

One very wealthy gentleman was shocked when he felt he had given her everything and on one hand, she did have everything.

What he didn’t see was she didn’t have what she really wanted and needed.

The money was nice, but she craved a connection that helped her want to love him, she was missing a meaningful connection.

Another lady basically gave up her whole life to support her husband’s career.

Yet he still talked about leaving her!

Giving up her life made her resentful, and so she did her duty, but it killed who she was and made her unhappy and she brought that to marriage.

Another lady kept attracting men who were “lazy couch potatoes” her words.

She said “I can’t believe it I’ve attracted another one”.

“Why do the men do this to me?”

I told her you are the mirror. “But I’m not lazy!”

“This is not a reflection of what you are doing it’s a reflection of what you are bringing out of them.”

“What do you mean?” she asked

“So I can see you are someone that just gets on and does things.” She nodded.

“You also seem like someone that doesn’t need a man, but someone that wants one.” She nodded

So he is a reflection of that.

He knows you don’t need him so to make you happy he is letting you get on with it.

But I do get upset at him for being lazy.

I know, but you also don’t allow him to help you because when he does it has to be your way and you criticise him when he gets it wrong.

So he has lost his confidence in his ability to please you so the couch is what he is left with.

What all these people learnt was their relationship was a mirror.

They learnt the cause and effect model.

The reason people don’t see this is because they are too attached to the concept that what they think and need is the same as their partner.

This thinking is guaranteed to cause a mirrored behaviour they won’t like.

This thinking is also a distortion and so they’ll bring out of their partner a distortion.

Many are after a reflective mirror totally unaware it doesn’t and won’t ever exist. A masculine energy cannot look in the mirror and see a feminine one looking back.

It’s not how it works and if you try to make your partner the same as you, you will kill their energy. It’s how many couples lose their sexual connection, becoming the same kills sexual attraction.

You see the mirror is powerful because it tells us the story of their connection.

Like the lady who complained her husband was immature, she treated him like a child every day. At home, he became the mirror of how she treated him, yet at work, he was a powerful confident leader.

So when you think my husband has no empathy, you will probably discover he feels the same because you don’t get him either.

When a frustrated husband tells me she is overly emotional I have to tell him your lack of understanding of her and how she works will bring a mirror of upset and frustration within her as she knows you don’t understand her.

So now she will become more emotional than before, you must not turn her into a man, you won’t like what happens if you do.

When I’m in sessions I listen to the complaint and then look for the mirrored response and then look for how to create the mirror they would both like.

Most people mirror in their partner what they don’t want simply because they are not understanding them and how to get the best from them.

The challenge most people face is they let their problems go on for too long and this mirror becomes that couple’s pattern.

It’s just what they do and this becomes the false truth about their story together.

It’s one story but not the only one possible once they understand the mirror they are both creating.

My message today is most individuals have the power to build a mirrored response they want by changing what they bring to the table.

It’s why so many are choosing to work with me on their own because by shifting the mirror they shift the dynamic – it’s a simple yet powerful cause and effect model.

It’s why one lady last year was able to reignite her husbands’ energy for her. She did it on her own, she didn’t try to change him she decided to learn how to be the mirror that would bring an energy that would bring the best out of him.

The result – both happier.

So you can blame your partner for the state of the marriage or you can see what you have done as a reflection.

If you want help with this please make contact here.

  • About
  • Latest Posts
Stephen Hedger
Stephen Hedger
About the author:

Harley Street Expert | Founder & High Performance Coach

With two decades of experience helping couples out of crisis, Stephen the founder of The Marriage Breakthrough Program, uses his proven system for rescuing and rebuilding relationships on the edge of divorce. A trusted advisor to CEOs, entrepreneurs, and industry leaders globally, his work blends emotional intelligence with strategic clarity. Known for navigating highly complex relationship challenges, Stephen helps individuals and couples find clarity and direction when everything is at stake.

Find out more >>> The Marriage Breakthrough Program
Stephen Hedger
Latest posts by Stephen Hedger (see all)
  • What If You Knew the Exact Mistakes That Destroy Marriages? - July 8, 2025
  • “What Do You Hear When I Speak?” - July 5, 2025
  • Your Marriage Isn’t Broken — The Pattern Is. Here’s How to Fix It. - July 2, 2025

Category iconMarriage Coaching

The Marriage Breakthrough

"Follow simple yet powerful steps designed to save and reignite a marriage fast no matter what has happened"
Or call us now on 0845 519 4808
"Click to Claim Your FREE Consultation Now!"

Recent Posts

  • What If You Knew the Exact Mistakes That Destroy Marriages?
  • “What Do You Hear When I Speak?”
  • Your Marriage Isn’t Broken — The Pattern Is. Here’s How to Fix It.
  • The 5C Marriage Blueprint: The Foundation Every Relationship Needs to Thrive
  • The Silent Killer of Marriages: When You Stop Being You
  • Emotional Intimacy in Marriage: The Key to Trust, Connection, and Lasting Passion
  • Please Save Our Marriage – My Wife has Asked for a Divorce
  • Loss of Love? How to Save Your Relationship
  • Passionless Marriage: “Sex life dying – want to know why?”
  • Coping with an Affair: How to Rebuild Trust and Save Your Marriage
  • Feeling Torn Between Two Relationships?

Over 1300 Relationship Articles



Categories

  • 5C Marriage Blueprint (5)
    • Chemistry (1)
    • Clarity (1)
    • Communication (2)
    • Compassion (1)
    • Core (1)
  • A thought for Sunday (29)
  • Case Studies (2)
  • Communication (71)
  • Destructive Patterns (138)
  • Discussion (2)
  • Infidelity-Affairs (42)
  • Loss of Love (44)
  • Loss of passion (34)
  • Lost Attraction (22)
  • Marriage Coaching (445)
  • Marriage Mastery Assessment (1)
  • Masculine & Feminine (10)
  • Mini Posts (3)
  • Monday Breakthrough (2)
  • Personal Development (106)
  • Rebuilding trust (39)
  • Relationship Stories (25)
  • Retirement Crisis (6)
  • Save Marriage Alone (44)
  • Separation & Divorce (34)
  • Stop & Never – Mini Posts (54)
  • Stuck (9)
  • Testimonials (59)
  • Top 10 Popular Posts (12)
  • Uncategorized (750)

Primary Sidebar

I’m not going to ask you how you “feel", pay me to watch you argue, or try to find the person to blame.

I am looking to discover if the couple can become a team, overcome their problems together and create a dynamic that will create a loving and passionate life together.

My approach is to take you from where you are, to where you want to be… fast!

I can not recommend Stephen highly enough – he not only saved our marriage, but has improved my marriage and myself as a person.

Banker - London

Popular Posts

  • Women are struggling, but men don’t understand why
  • Built an Empire and lost a Family
  • Marriage in Limbo
  • Rebuilding Connection & Trust
  • Divorce Regret
  • Divorce Prevention
  • Resentment Stacking
  • 36 Principles For Success
  • My Wife is Aggressive
  • A Wise Old Man's Decision
  • I was in tears
  • Tourtured by the past

Do You Want
To Save Your Marriage?

Hi, I'm Stephen Hedger. I'm determined to help couples discover what their marriage is capable of with the right information. My only question is, will it be yours?

Learn more

A 30 minute call with Stephen

In a short phone conversation, Stephen was able to quickly get to the heart of what the real issue was in our marriage – and why in almost a year of working on our marriage including 10 weeks of marriage counselling through a relationship therapy organisation, we weren’t really making any progress. I found Stephen to be extremely perceptive, as well as empathetic to our situation, while being able to quickly pinpoint the real sticking point in our marriage.
Many thanks
Olivia

Dear Stephen
Thank you for your time to listen to my experience in my marriage. You gave me encouragement to speak out to my partner in confidence. You made me realise that sometimes the way we make comments on each other can aggravate the situation and make it worse. Your advice made me feel revived.

Kind regards

Chipo

Success Stories

From Battlefield to Breakthrough: How to Save Your Marriage Without a Toxic Fight.

January 31, 2025 By Stephen Hedger

Most people who come to me for help believe their marriage is broken, so their level of hope is not high. Many will have tried to fix the problems without success. These people are unaware that there is a critical mindset shift: if you don’t make it, your chances of success dramatically drop. As you […]

“By changing yourself, you can change a relationship… because I did!”

September 16, 2024 By Stephen Hedger

We were in the process of physical separation, with my husband arranging to move out at the end of the month, and I was getting legal advice on proceeding with the divorce.  On one of those distressed and sleepless nights, I came across Stephen’s website and his blog. I was fascinated. What Stephen has written […]

“There’s no hope in hell – I want a divorce!”

April 22, 2024 By Stephen Hedger

So what do you do when the trust is broken so badly that their relationship ends with them selling their family home and moving into separate homes? Most people would consider this the end, but this gentleman decided something different. He wrote to me to see if I could help. I wanted to encourage his […]

Marriage Crisis from Infidelity & Communication Breakdown

August 21, 2023 By Stephen Hedger

Today’s post is about a professional couple in the UK who decided they wanted to share their experience of their tailormade program that was designed to help them out of their marital challenges. They were in crisis due to communication breakdown and infidelity. They had 12 meetings over five months to learn how to reconnect […]

His Marriage was Over!

June 5, 2023 By Stephen Hedger

This man was in the depths of sadness; his marriage was over, but he didn’t want it to be. They had seen numerous counsellors who had all concluded the marriage was indeed over. He had lost all feelings for his wife. Due to being so stuck for so long, he had started an affair. But […]

Footer

Expert Help Available Worldwide via Zoom

For assistance from Stephen, contact his team at:

📞 +44 (0)845 519 4808



Head Office
10 Harley Street
London
W1G 9PF
United Kingdom



Recent Clients: Scotland, Ireland, Texas, New York, Dubai, Los Angeles, Austrailia, Japan, Germany, France, Ireland, UK, Monaco to name a few.

Stephen Hedger offers married couples in crisis across the globe a comprehensive strategic roadmap to overcome their marriage problems.

Today Stephen works with Celebrities, CEO’s, Lawyers, Bankers, Royalty, Judges, and business owners helping them transform their family and personal relationships with massive breakthroughs, seemingly against all odds.

  • Marriage Counselling Alternative
  • Cloe Hedger (Stephen’s wife)
  • Marriage Breakthrough Program
  • Individual Coaching
  • About
  • Clients Success Stories
  • Explore 1,300+ FREE life changing articles
  • FREE Marriage in Crisis Guide
  • FAQs
  • Private Diagnostic Marriage Assessment

Recent Posts

  • What If You Knew the Exact Mistakes That Destroy Marriages?
  • “What Do You Hear When I Speak?”
  • Your Marriage Isn’t Broken — The Pattern Is. Here’s How to Fix It.
  • The 5C Marriage Blueprint: The Foundation Every Relationship Needs to Thrive
  • The Silent Killer of Marriages: When You Stop Being You

*Disclaimer:
Any testimonials stated on this page or on any pages on the Stephen Hedger Marriage Coach website/s are proof of our success, naturally, results may vary from person to person.

Apply For Help Here Now...

Terms & Privacy Policy      Copyright © 2025 StephenHedger.com. All rights reserved. Company No.08279028    Return to top