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Stephen Hedger

Stephen Hedger

Crisis Marriage Coach | Harley Street London

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“The Missing Foundation That Causes Marital Crisis”!

When someone is looking for success in any part of their lives, they don’t have to reinvent the wheel.

Success in many areas of life is showing us what we need to know to be successful.

If you go to a billionaire with a business idea, he will quickly know if that idea could ever work?

If you go to a heart surgeon with a diet plan, he will know the impact of getting it wrong.

You see, successful people see the future differently from unsuccessful people.

This ability to see that vision is critical.

They can see if the actions will take the person to their vision. Better yet, they can be honest about the vision, and its chances of success.

Relationships are no different.

One critical missing foundation is when a person does not see the future impact of their actions today on themselves and their relationship.

What if today, the person is looking down the barrel of a divorce they don’t want. What if they could have predicted the impact of their behaviours five years before.

Most people do not see their trajectory to disaster until it’s too late.

The people that are making this mistake are smart, well-educated people, yet they are lost because they don’t know what they don’t know.

They rely on their lack of knowledge as enough to keep them safe, and time after time, they end up in pain and regret wishing they could turn back the clock.

It’s not their fault, but I want to highlight today the person who hurts themselves the most is going to be the one who thinks they understand but clearly doesn’t. 

Examples: 

Over ten years ago, I met with a lady who was so unhappy with her partner she decided to end the marriage and not work on the problem.

As she was leaving the meeting, I said to her that the problem she was having at that time she would recreate again with the next person.

She wasn’t ready to listen at that time, but I could see what was going to happen next.

I told her she must come back to me when she sees it start to appear in the next relationship.

She politely nodded, but I could see she thought the whole problem was him.

Four years later, she was back; she had remembered my words, the exact same problem was back now with someone new.

This time she allowed me to help her and so I built her a bespoke program that helped her understand it, so it didn’t cripple her new relationship.

She had a chance at a new start but the next guy wasn’t as lucky

He knew best – A least he thought he did

A couple sat in an Initial Consultation Session with me in Harley Street, London.

I could clearly see what they were doing that was making the problem worse and what would happen if they didn’t take action.

I shared with him what we had to do and why and how long it would take.

He told me he understood it all and he decided to fix it on his own.

Knowing the magnitude of what I had to do and share with them I could see where this was going if they didn’t get the right help.

I saw this couple walk out the door and felt so sad for them.

One year later, they came back, but this time he was begging me to help them. Now their connection was so bad she now wanted out, and she meant it.

She informed my office she filed for divorce the following day.

They couldn’t see the future impact on their actions and this is a fundamental problem.

I speak with hundreds of couples every year, and a few couples listen to my thoughts on their problems and do sadly decide to deal with it on their own.

They are simply not seeing their future and the impact of what they are doing to themselves and each other.

They think what they know is enough. With just one life and such limited time why spend even one day getting it wrong?

Foundational skill – See the future

One of the skills the couples must learn is how to plan for their future energy and navigate to it from where they are.

The next step is to keep that energy alive once they are there.

I have not yet met a couple who knows how to do this, and it’s because we are not designed to know how.

Heading for crisis but don’t see it

I see couples that, in essence, have a good relationship on a practical level, but emotionally they are disconnected.

They are not supposed to know how to make that connection, but the long term cost of not understanding this is hard on both people.

For many they end up numb, detached, resigned meeting their needs outside the marriage or simply deciding enough is enough.

Some are at the stage where the upset is uncomfortable at times, but they can see so much good, so they don’t take action.

That is a mistake because the erosion compounds.

Many wait until it becomes unbearable and only then seek help; this is a very risky strategy.

It’s also so important to hear a partner that is suffering because they can switch off in an instant so embrace the window of opportunity while you have it.

Some couples have created a dynamic that works for years and then suddenly it stops working, and they have no idea why.

They have not seen their foundations are the wrong foundations for the next stage of their lives and so a change happens and sends them into crisis and neither knows why.

People change, needs change, life changes, and none of this is a problem as long as the foundations are designed correctly.

Good foundations can weather any storm

Vision is one of the critical foundations that is about designing the connection so it can weather any storm.

The key to success is a well-thought-out vision and then a map of how to get to that vision from where you are.

I have never met a couple who have understood this.

Either their vision is impossible, ill-thought-out, or non-existent.

Or/and

They have no understanding of the path they need to take to get to the vision from where they first started, or from where they are today.

So they land where they land, and most don’t like it and they assume a new life is the answer.

Knowledge is the real answer.

I see that couples get together with little understanding of how their current dynamic will impact them individually and as a couple as the years’ progress.

People with the wrong thinking can actually think themselves out of a marriage that could be a good one for them.

People are falling out of love, having affairs, feeling stuck all because they are sitting in a life they have chosen, but they are out of control of it.

Take back control today

So maybe for you today is the day you will take back control and design your future so it can be the one you want.

For those that are passionate about their life and want to learn how to achieve this my office will help you understand the process for getting help either together or on your own.

Category iconMarriage Coaching

"Clients have been kind enough to want to support YOU because they were once in your shoes"

Read their stories!

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Over 1000 Relationship Articles

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Primary Sidebar

I’m not going to ask you how you “feel", pay me to watch you argue, or try to find the person to blame.

I am looking to discover if the couple can become a team, overcome their problems together and create a dynamic that will create a loving and passionate life together.

My approach is to take you from where you are, to where you want to be… fast!

I can not recommend Stephen highly enough – he not only saved our marriage, but has improved my marriage and myself as a person.

Banker - London

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Do You Want
To Save Your Marriage?

Hi, I'm Stephen Hedger. I'm determined to help couples discover what their marriage is capable of with the right information. My only question is, will it be yours?

Learn more

A 30 minute call with Stephen

In a short phone conversation, Stephen was able to quickly get to the heart of what the real issue was in our marriage – and why in almost a year of working on our marriage including 10 weeks of marriage counselling through a relationship therapy organisation, we weren’t really making any progress. I found Stephen to be extremely perceptive, as well as empathetic to our situation, while being able to quickly pinpoint the real sticking point in our marriage.
Many thanks
Olivia

Dear Stephen
Thank you for your time to listen to my experience in my marriage. You gave me encouragement to speak out to my partner in confidence. You made me realise that sometimes the way we make comments on each other can aggravate the situation and make it worse. Your advice made me feel revived.

Kind regards

Chipo

Success Stories

Client responds to testimonial

November 11, 2021 By Stephen Hedger

I’m working with this lady, and during the session, she wanted to comment on a testimonial another client had left. As you go through today post, you will see what she wanted to say. Before you get to her words, I want to set the context. I’m not quoting her word for word here, but […]

“I was in tears…” 

October 20, 2021 By Stephen Hedger

‘Initially I went to Stephen with a sole focus on saving my marriage as my husband wanted a divorce whilst I felt I could not let go of the 14 years’ relationship without giving it a second chance. My husband was determined to exit and refused to join the Marriage Breakthrough Programme with me, therefore […]

“Lawyer saves relationship alone”!

July 27, 2021 By Stephen Hedger

“I went to see Stephen when my relationship was at breaking point. The final trigger was my partner’s plan to sell his property and move in with me. We had until then a long-distance relationship and never spent more than about a month together (thanks to the COVID lockdown). I had finally moved to his […]

“It was like walking through a minefield blindfolded”

November 29, 2020 By Stephen Hedger

When relationships go wrong the pain can be unbelievable. Today’s post is about a couple whose relationship was quickly out of control and both people thought it was the end. When I first agreed to meet this couple she arrived first.  She was clearly very anxious, eyes darting, wringing hands, unsure if her husband would […]

One small shift changed her mind & saved her marriage – Part 2 of “Should divorce really be the next step?”

May 10, 2020 By Stephen Hedger

What sits at the core of the most successful marriages. What is it that makes the difference. What is it that helps couples stand the test of time? What is it that helps couples make it through all the ups and downs life has to throw at them? Is sex at the core for a […]

Do you want
To Save your Marriage?

Hi, I'm Stephen Hedger. I'm determined to help couples discover what their marriage is capable of with the right information. My only question is, will it be yours?

Learn more

 

“Free Marriage in Crisis 8 Page Guide”:

Stephen Hedger is a marriage in crisis specialist sought after by CEO’s Bankers, Judges, GP’s, Business Leaders, A List Celebrities and Entrepreneurs Globally


Stephen says when you are in marital crisis it's important to know what to do to make sure your next steps don't make the situation even worse. This short guide written by Stephen is designed to help you take a step back and consider next steps intelligently.

 

Click to Download FREE

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Head Office
10 Harley Street
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W1G 9PF

Stephen Hedger offers married couples in crisis across the globe a comprehensive strategic roadmap to overcome their marriage problems. Today Stephen works with Celebrities, CEO’s, Lawyers, Bankers, Royalty, Judges, and business owners helping them transform their family and personal relationships with massive breakthroughs, seemingly against all odds.

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Recent Posts

  • Marriage is a dance – A dance most couples kill
  • “We can’t find a way forward!”
  • Breaking unhealthy relationship patterns
  • Anyone that marries will have trouble!
  • “Identity Secrets”- Mini Post

*Disclaimer:
Any testimonials stated on this page or on any pages on the Stephen Hedger Marriage Coach website/s are proof of our success, naturally, results may vary from person to person.

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