When someone is looking for success in any part of their lives, they don’t have to reinvent the wheel.
Success in many areas of life is showing us what we need to know to be successful.
If you go to a billionaire with a business idea, he will quickly know if that idea could ever work?
If you go to a heart surgeon with a diet plan, he will know the impact of getting it wrong.
You see, successful people see the future differently from unsuccessful people.
This ability to see that vision is critical.
They can see if the actions will take the person to their vision. Better yet, they can be honest about the vision, and its chances of success.
Relationships are no different.
One critical missing foundation is when a person does not see the future impact of their actions today on themselves and their relationship.
What if today, the person is looking down the barrel of a divorce they don’t want. What if they could have predicted the impact of their behaviours five years before.
Most people do not see their trajectory to disaster until it’s too late.
The people that are making this mistake are smart, well-educated people, yet they are lost because they don’t know what they don’t know.
They rely on their lack of knowledge as enough to keep them safe, and time after time, they end up in pain and regret wishing they could turn back the clock.
It’s not their fault, but I want to highlight today the person who hurts themselves the most is going to be the one who thinks they understand but clearly doesn’t.
Over ten years ago, I met with a lady who was so unhappy with her partner she decided to end the marriage and not work on the problem.
As she was leaving the meeting, I said to her that the problem she was having at that time she would recreate again with the next person.
She wasn’t ready to listen at that time, but I could see what was going to happen next.
I told her she must come back to me when she sees it start to appear in the next relationship.
She politely nodded, but I could see she thought the whole problem was him.
Four years later, she was back; she had remembered my words, the exact same problem was back now with someone new.
This time she allowed me to help her and so I built her a bespoke program that helped her understand it, so it didn’t cripple her new relationship.
She had a chance at a new start but the next guy wasn’t as lucky
He knew best – A least he thought he did
A couple sat in an Initial Consultation Session with me in Harley Street, London.
I could clearly see what they were doing that was making the problem worse and what would happen if they didn’t take action.
I shared with him what we had to do and why and how long it would take.
He told me he understood it all and he decided to fix it on his own.
Knowing the magnitude of what I had to do and share with them I could see where this was going if they didn’t get the right help.
I saw this couple walk out the door and felt so sad for them.
One year later, they came back, but this time he was begging me to help them. Now their connection was so bad she now wanted out, and she meant it.
She informed my office she filed for divorce the following day.
They couldn’t see the future impact on their actions and this is a fundamental problem.
I speak with hundreds of couples every year, and a few couples listen to my thoughts on their problems and do sadly decide to deal with it on their own.
They are simply not seeing their future and the impact of what they are doing to themselves and each other.
They think what they know is enough. With just one life and such limited time why spend even one day getting it wrong?
Foundational skill – See the future
One of the skills the couples must learn is how to plan for their future energy and navigate to it from where they are.
The next step is to keep that energy alive once they are there.
I have not yet met a couple who knows how to do this, and it’s because we are not designed to know how.
Heading for crisis but don’t see it
I see couples that, in essence, have a good relationship on a practical level, but emotionally they are disconnected.
They are not supposed to know how to make that connection, but the long term cost of not understanding this is hard on both people.
For many they end up numb, detached, resigned meeting their needs outside the marriage or simply deciding enough is enough.
Some are at the stage where the upset is uncomfortable at times, but they can see so much good, so they don’t take action.
That is a mistake because the erosion compounds.
Many wait until it becomes unbearable and only then seek help; this is a very risky strategy.
It’s also so important to hear a partner that is suffering because they can switch off in an instant so embrace the window of opportunity while you have it.
Some couples have created a dynamic that works for years and then suddenly it stops working, and they have no idea why.
They have not seen their foundations are the wrong foundations for the next stage of their lives and so a change happens and sends them into crisis and neither knows why.
People change, needs change, life changes, and none of this is a problem as long as the foundations are designed correctly.
Good foundations can weather any storm
Vision is one of the critical foundations that is about designing the connection so it can weather any storm.
The key to success is a well-thought-out vision and then a map of how to get to that vision from where you are.
I have never met a couple who have understood this.
Either their vision is impossible, ill-thought-out, or non-existent.
They have no understanding of the path they need to take to get to the vision from where they first started, or from where they are today.
So they land where they land, and most don’t like it and they assume a new life is the answer.
Knowledge is the real answer.
I see that couples get together with little understanding of how their current dynamic will impact them individually and as a couple as the years’ progress.
People with the wrong thinking can actually think themselves out of a marriage that could be a good one for them.
People are falling out of love, having affairs, feeling stuck all because they are sitting in a life they have chosen, but they are out of control of it.
Take back control today
So maybe for you today is the day you will take back control and design your future so it can be the one you want.
For those that are passionate about their life and want to learn how to achieve this my office will help you understand the process for getting help either together or on your own.