Helping people create secure, lasting marriages out of crisis is about two critical fundamentals.
It’s about stopping them from doing what will never work and helping them to see what will.
In essence, a relationship is about a trend of energy over time that can go one of two ways.
The relationship is helping each person to feel good about themselves when they are with each other, or it’s not!
The basic premise sounds simple, so why do so many struggle?
The answer is they assume their partner is a version of them, which can lead them to struggle to keep their connection alive.
They think what is logical to them is logical to the other person.
These assumptions create expectations that their partner will behave in a certain way.
When those expectations are not met, this will create an upset.
The unmet expectation will help a person to create a meaning that, when upset, will usually create a negative emotional state and thinking.
E.G. “I’m not loved”, “I’m not enough” “they don’t care about me” these are a few common thoughts I have heard in my sessions.
Now, the patterned behaviour range behind their meanings is anger, frustration, sadness, and withdrawal, to name a few.
So I see many people judge their partners behaviours in ways that will lead them to feel uncared for.
When I explored these behaviours, I discovered their translation of events is totally incorrect (they never knew).
So, without realising, they have actually made themselves upset and unfairly blamed their partner for how they feel.
Do that for long enough, and the trend of energy will lead a couple to a certain emotional disconnect.
This theory sounds great, but in practice, what am I seeing?
The basics are everyone is unique. Not one person on the planet has built the same perception of the world we live in.
Emotional filters people use are driven by their history, needs, beliefs, and values.
Some are driven by their gender perspective and their core nature.
Other differences are around the foundation of how attraction happens; for men, it’s very different from women. I have never met a person who knows this.
Men and women communicate for very different reasons, so they go around in circles, especially in conflict.
This is the tip of the iceberg of our differences, and they all have the power to create upset when misunderstood.
So, when someone doesn’t respond how we expect, we can judge them through our own emotional filters.
BUT every time we do that, we are always right from our own perspective, but we will always be wrong from theirs.
The moment a person becomes curious about why their partner behaves the way they do, they create the power to change the game.
It’s why I can help individuals learn how to turn a broken marriage around independently.
You see, in the first few years of my two-decade career, I used to get very tired of hearing couples fighting in the sessions.
It was clear that everyone was shouting, and no one was listening.
It quickly became apparent that they didn’t know how to listen because they translated each other so poorly.
So, my mission started to help each person understand how to translate themselves and their partner so reconnection is possible.
New understanding brings a new perspective.
The best way to see a problem as impossible to solve is to approach it the same way repeatedly, which is what couples do every day.
Give the people a new way to see the problem, and now they can see the problem in solvable terms.
You see, you can’t love, protect and connect to someone and keep the attraction alive. If you don’t understand them, a new perspective will show you the way.
People can get upset with their partner and leave them, but until the understanding happens, they will only find another person they won’t understand in the end.
So, if you are fed up with exhausting cycles of emotional upset, maybe now is the time to make a change by clicking here.