• Skip to primary navigation
  • Skip to main content
  • Skip to primary sidebar
  • Skip to footer

New Clients Call London UK +44 (0)845 519 4808

Stephen Hedger

Stephen Hedger

Crisis Marriage Coach | Harley Street London

  • Home
  • Start Here
  • Marriage Breakthrough Program
    • Couples Coaching
    • Individual Coaching
  • About
  • FAQs
  • Success
  • Appointments
  • Blog

They Lost Control of their Marriage and Themselves

The problem that keeps presenting itself in my sessions is the very simple fact that both people, on some level, have lost control of the relationship and themselves.

Because of this problem, many are feeling very lost and confused, and many are very stuck.

Others are not looking past the simple fact that they feel bad, and from their perspective, the relationship is clearly the problem.

So what have these people lost control of?

One debilitating factor a person will lose control of is their connection with themselves due to emotional patterns that are out of date – people tend to be blind to this problem.

If you imagine, a significant percentage of our emotional patterns are created in reaction to what we experience as children.

So what we think and feel to us equals normal, but to others, those patterns would be alien.

I remember asking one lady about her experiences growing up, and she quite happily shared a perspective of a happy childhood, but what I was hearing was clearly abuse.

She didn’t know and was shocked.

So when people live their lives as an adult, they are being affected by the patterns they learned growing up.

They can learn these patterns as children through coping with a difficult situation, or they can be taught their patterns through absorbing their parents’ behaviours.

Parents will find that children don’t follow their instructions, but they will absorb their emotional patterns without thought.

Many mums who are aware of their fear patterns tell me they are worried they will pass them on to their daughters.

The problem is these patterns were designed for a child, based on a child’s perspective, so many are very unhelpful in adult life.

So people (adults) are using these outdated patterns without thought under the guise of “this is me”!

These patterns are running when the person(s) are not emotionally present or thinking consciously, and you may be shocked to hear that this is most of the time.

Many can try to stay present for a few minutes only to find their mind wonders as it takes back control.

Not staying present is where the couple is in danger because unless the pattern creates more connection, growth or love, the couple will suffer.

They will suffer as the patterns: Here are a few, anger, control, withdrawal, and pleasing are designed to help the person avoid feelings they don’t want.

You will see this play out in difficult situations; their individual conditioning will play out almost in a script like fashion.

Both people are triggered when they feel in danger, and without thought, they run their patterns.

So badly created ill-thought-out patterns will, in most couples, cause problems.

The key is to repattern the couple so their automatic responses are reconditioned to reflect an identity they can be proud of whilst supporting each other’s needs.

Done correctly to goal is to create growth and connection through effective contribution.

In essence, much of the work I do is designed to wake the couple up to what they cannot see.

This empowers them to understand what they have to do, to understand what their relationship is capable of achieving.

Repatterning covers many aspects, from redesigning reactive energies to learning effective relationship-building practices.

In essence, the couple who makes it consists of two people who at last can now be their authentic selves with each other.

They can contribute in a way that brings out the best in their partner.

This way, they redress the balance, permanently keeping the resentment low and the pleasure high.

Category iconDestructive Patterns,  Marriage Coaching

"FREE Call with Harley Street Marriage in Crisis Expert Stephen Hedger"

Click Here Now!

Recent Posts

  • “The Pattern Interrupt – The critical step for helping marriages out of a crisis”
  • “The danger that’s hidden in plain sight”
  • Want to avoid a divorce?
  • WHY are we struggling to fix our marriage?
  • They Lost Control of their Marriage and Themselves

Over 1000 Relationship Articles

 

Categories

  • A thought for Sunday
  • Communication
  • Destructive Patterns
  • Infidelity-Affairs
  • Loss of Love
  • Loss of passion
  • Marriage Coaching
  • Personal Development
  • Rebuilding trust
  • Relationship Stories
  • Save Marriage Alone
  • Separation & Divorce
  • Testimonials
  • Uncategorized

Primary Sidebar

Free Blog Subscription

Join over 30,000 subscribers who have looked for insights into intimate relationships why they work and why they don't. Weekly posts join now.....

Do You Want
To Save Your Marriage?

Hi, I'm Stephen Hedger. I'm determined to help couples discover what their marriage is capable of with the right information. My only question is, will it be yours?

Learn more

About Stephen Hedger

Stephen Hedger is known as the most sought after marriage in crisis specialist in the UK. He is famous for consistently and naturally saving many marriages from divorce. He is a favourite of business leaders, business owners, Judges and celebrities.

Stephen runs his meetings from his office in Harley Street London and supports his global clients over Zoom.

Learn more

A 30 minute call with Stephen

In a short phone conversation, Stephen was able to quickly get to the heart of what the real issue was in our marriage – and why in almost a year of working on our marriage including 10 weeks of marriage counselling through a relationship therapy organisation, we weren’t really making any progress. I found Stephen to be extremely perceptive, as well as empathetic to our situation, while being able to quickly pinpoint the real sticking point in our marriage.
Many thanks
Olivia

Dear Stephen
Thank you for your time to listen to my experience in my marriage. You gave me encouragement to speak out to my partner in confidence. You made me realise that sometimes the way we make comments on each other can aggravate the situation and make it worse. Your advice made me feel revived.

Kind regards

Chipo

Success Stories

Client responds to testimonial

November 11, 2021 By Stephen Hedger

I’m working with this lady, and during the session, she wanted to comment on a testimonial another client had left. As you go through today post, you will see what she wanted to say. Before you get to her words, I want to set the context. I’m not quoting her word for word here, but […]

“I was in tears…” 

October 20, 2021 By Stephen Hedger

‘Initially I went to Stephen with a sole focus on saving my marriage as my husband wanted a divorce whilst I felt I could not let go of the 14 years’ relationship without giving it a second chance. My husband was determined to exit and refused to join the Marriage Breakthrough Programme with me, therefore […]

“Lawyer saves relationship alone”!

July 27, 2021 By Stephen Hedger

“I went to see Stephen when my relationship was at breaking point. The final trigger was my partner’s plan to sell his property and move in with me. We had until then a long-distance relationship and never spent more than about a month together (thanks to the COVID lockdown). I had finally moved to his […]

“It was like walking through a minefield blindfolded”

November 29, 2020 By Stephen Hedger

When relationships go wrong the pain can be unbelievable. Today’s post is about a couple whose relationship was quickly out of control and both people thought it was the end. When I first agreed to meet this couple she arrived first.  She was clearly very anxious, eyes darting, wringing hands, unsure if her husband would […]

One small shift changed her mind & saved her marriage – Part 2 of “Should divorce really be the next step?”

May 10, 2020 By Stephen Hedger

What sits at the core of the most successful marriages. What is it that makes the difference. What is it that helps couples stand the test of time? What is it that helps couples make it through all the ups and downs life has to throw at them? Is sex at the core for a […]

Do you want
To Save your Marriage?

Hi, I'm Stephen Hedger. I'm determined to help couples discover what their marriage is capable of with the right information. My only question is, will it be yours?

Learn more

 

“Free Marriage in Crisis 8 Page Guide”:

Stephen Hedger is a marriage in crisis specialist sought after by CEO’s Bankers, Judges, GP’s, Business Leaders, A List Celebrities and Entrepreneurs Globally


Stephen says when you are in marital crisis it's important to know what to do to make sure your next steps don't make the situation even worse. This short guide written by Stephen is designed to help you take a step back and consider next steps intelligently.

 

Click to Download FREE

Footer

Sessions currently held over Zoom

If you are interested in Stephens help please call his team on

+44 (0)845 519 4808


Stephen Hedger offers married couples in crisis across the globe a comprehensive strategic roadmap to overcome their marriage problems. Today Stephen works with Celebrities, CEO’s, Lawyers, Bankers, Royalty, Judges, and business owners helping them transform their family and personal relationships with massive breakthroughs, seemingly against all odds.

  • Cloe Hedger (Stephen’s wife)
  • Marriage Breakthrough Program
  • Individual Coaching
  • About
  • Success Stories
  • Over 1000 Articles
  • FAQs
  • Mission: Vision: Values:

Recent Posts

  • “The Pattern Interrupt – The critical step for helping marriages out of a crisis”
  • “The danger that’s hidden in plain sight”
  • Want to avoid a divorce?
  • WHY are we struggling to fix our marriage?
  • They Lost Control of their Marriage and Themselves

*Disclaimer:
Any testimonials stated on this page or on any pages on the Stephen Hedger Marriage Coach website/s are proof of our success, naturally, results may vary from person to person.

Terms & Privacy Policy      Copyright © 2022 StephenHedger.com. All rights reserved. Return to top