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Stephen Hedger

Stephen Hedger

Crisis Marriage Coach | Harley Street London

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True Story of Regret

This is a true story of a gentleman that searched for help and thought he knew best…

This gentleman and his wife took me up on my free call. It’s the call I offer to people that are interested in becoming clients.

I could hear the problem they were in, but I wanted to go deeper with them to define a solution.

We all decided it would make sense to meet for an initial consultation to define the direction we needed to take.

This gentleman was a very successful business man and clearly knew his business very well.

Unfortunately, he had the same confidence in his marriage, but it wasn’t matched by his knowledge or his ability to be of value to her.

This misplaced confidence was going to become his downfall and he had no idea.

He knew it all

Essentially he knew best and he sat like a wise owl in their session judging proceedings.

His wife was much younger than him and was clearly not in a good place.

She spoke about her perspective on their relationship which wasn’t good, but he dismissed her feelings as too emotional and he knew she loved him.

He knew this was a phase and it would blow over all they needed was time.

I could see she loved him but was checking out as loving him was too painful for her without a connection that made sense.

Fed up of being his trophy

She was fed up with being his trophy, sure he bought her lots of great things and paraded her in front of friends at fancy events.

It was exciting at first with private jets and weekends in foreign countries.

She craved the simple things, jeans, jumpers and McDonald’s, a simple picnic by the river, everything was so formal and pressured to look and be a certain way.

Most of all she longed for his presence, his time getting to know her and connecting with her.

He used to make her laugh now he was talking down to her, advising her, coaching her, the end result she became depressed and was anxious of the future with him.

For him, she had everything and so he was convinced the problems were not that serious.

After listening to my analysis he felt my offer was too heavyweight for their problem, the solution meant he had to learn something new and he didn’t agree.

The problem was hers.

I shared with him my perspective on their problems was very different from his and I was concerned for them if they didn’t get the specialist help they clearly needed.

So their session came to a close and with a smile he confidently ignored my concerns and my offer to help them.

It was a sad moment for that couple.

A year later he was back

One year later they were back in my office, from what he was saying they had done the rounds of counsellors and therapists trying to fix her.

This time he came back unconfident and on the back-foot ready to do any program I wanted money no object.

I could see a hardness in her eyes, she wasn’t crying this time she sat motionless looking at the floor.

He spoke first. The problems we bought to you a year ago have escalated as you said it would and now we are in separate bedrooms not even speaking.

I wasn’t suprised at all.

When you have done this job for as long as I have, it’s easy to predict a couple’s future when you can see the disconnect they are in.

This gentleman was far too connected to his own interpretation of her problems and not connected at all to her emotional experience which was actually crippling for her a year ago.

They needed fast specialist help back then and sadly he didn’t agree.

I looked at her and asked her what she now wanted.

Very calmly she replied “A divorce!”

He had a chance to win her back a year ago, he thought he knew best and now she was really gone.

He wouldn’t see that a big part of their solution was in helping him become a valuable partner for her.

He wanted her to get fixed she was happy, then she wasn’t, so clearly she is the problem.

I told him he left her in that state for too long and cycling through too many people to help them just made it worse so she gave up.

She was numb enough to leave him

The last stage in anyone’s process to permanently disconnect is when they have made a decision.

She knew she couldn’t rely on him for her emotional security and she had spent the last year emotionally disconnecting so she could leave him without any emotional pain.

She was now fully numb and ready to leave, it was now too late for them.

Head in his hands he was devastated.

This was a very solvable problem he just needed help understanding her world so he could connect to it.

Every so often this client comes for help.

The lady who thought her husband was broken because he had an affair sent him off to be fixed, not understanding that she was part of the problem that lead him to feel worthless.

The gentleman who wouldn’t work on his own with me to save his marriage a year later came back as his wife had filed for divorce, he lost his chance.

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I’m not going to ask you how you “feel", pay me to watch you argue, or try to find the person to blame.

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Hi, I'm Stephen Hedger. I'm determined to help couples discover what their marriage is capable of with the right information. My only question is, will it be yours?

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A 30 minute call with Stephen

In a short phone conversation, Stephen was able to quickly get to the heart of what the real issue was in our marriage – and why in almost a year of working on our marriage including 10 weeks of marriage counselling through a relationship therapy organisation, we weren’t really making any progress. I found Stephen to be extremely perceptive, as well as empathetic to our situation, while being able to quickly pinpoint the real sticking point in our marriage.
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Olivia

Dear Stephen
Thank you for your time to listen to my experience in my marriage. You gave me encouragement to speak out to my partner in confidence. You made me realise that sometimes the way we make comments on each other can aggravate the situation and make it worse. Your advice made me feel revived.

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Success Stories

His marriage was over!

June 5, 2023 By Stephen Hedger

This man was in the depths of sadness, his marriage was over, but he didn’t want it to be. They had seen numerous counsellors who had all concluded the marriage was indeed over. He had lost all feelings for his wife. Due to being so stuck for so long, he had started an affair. But […]

Client responds to testimonial

November 11, 2021 By Stephen Hedger

I’m working with this lady, and during the session, she wanted to comment on a testimonial another client had left. As you go through today post, you will see what she wanted to say. Before you get to her words, I want to set the context. I’m not quoting her word for word here, but […]

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October 20, 2021 By Stephen Hedger

‘Initially I went to Stephen with a sole focus on saving my marriage as my husband wanted a divorce whilst I felt I could not let go of the 14 years’ relationship without giving it a second chance. My husband was determined to exit and refused to join the Marriage Breakthrough Programme with me, therefore […]

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“I went to see Stephen when my relationship was at breaking point. The final trigger was my partner’s plan to sell his property and move in with me. We had until then a long-distance relationship and never spent more than about a month together (thanks to the COVID lockdown). I had finally moved to his […]

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November 29, 2020 By Stephen Hedger

When relationships go wrong the pain can be unbelievable. Today’s post is about a couple whose relationship was quickly out of control and both people thought it was the end. When I first agreed to meet this couple she arrived first.  She was clearly very anxious, eyes darting, wringing hands, unsure if her husband would […]

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Stephen Hedger offers married couples in crisis across the globe a comprehensive strategic roadmap to overcome their marriage problems. Today Stephen works with Celebrities, CEO’s, Lawyers, Bankers, Royalty, Judges, and business owners helping them transform their family and personal relationships with massive breakthroughs, seemingly against all odds.

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Recent Posts

  • His marriage was over!
  • “Needy and not needed!”
  • “Discover the No.1 Philosophy of Highly Effective Spouses: From Struggle to Success”
  • “Unveiling the Secrets: How I Mastered the Art of Resolving Relationship Issues”
  • 3 Foundations for a Healthy Marriage

*Disclaimer:
Any testimonials stated on this page or on any pages on the Stephen Hedger Marriage Coach website/s are proof of our success, naturally, results may vary from person to person.

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