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Stephen Hedger

Stephen Hedger

Crisis Marriage Coach | Harley Street London

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What To Do When You Feel Stuck In An Unhappy Marriage

Being stuck in an unhappy marriage is probably one of the most painful places to be as they endlessly try to find a solution to what looks like an impossible problem.

I see so many people in this situation and some of these people have suffered for years because whatever solution they create in their own mind it creates yet another equally painful problem.

Many of these people have tried for years to get through to their partner to fix the problems but the problems just got worse.

Some internalise their issues and withdraw and some keep banging on their partners’ door hoping they will wake up.

The obvious reason for feeling stuck in an unhappy marriage is the thought that leaving could harm their children. 

Some are concerned that leaving will attach them to pain such as fear of being alone or running the same problem all over again with someone new.

Some won’t leave because they are convinced they are still in love, yet there has been no proof of love for years.

Changing their thinking is the key

The reason all these people are stuck is they keep approaching their problem in the same way and this keeps leading them into a dead-end, so they feel there is no sensible choice and they remain paralysed.

The correct approach will give the person choice and freedom to live the life they deserve to live.

If someone wants to free themselves from their problem then they have to change their approach.

Understand the real problem

Most people are stuck endlessly searching for the solution to the problem and not enough time really understanding the problem they face.

Many do this because they are convinced they know their problem so they don’t explore it properly.

With one recent client I stopped him searching for a solution and spent a few weeks helping him understand the real problem.

This changed his thinking and enabled him to find the right solution now the problem was properly understood.

Not understanding the real problem means they will not be asking the right questions.

It’s only by really understanding their problem will they ask the questions which will lead them to answers that create true freedom.

So if someone is going round in circles it’s because the real problem is not yet clear enough.

I usually find most people are either overly complicating their problem or they are oversimplifying them and they are looking for solutions from these distorted perspectives.

Other people have lived in survival states for far too long and this means their thinking is limited to fight or run.

Problem-solving is a creative process and this is not easy from a position of survival, fear and loss of trust in others and in some cases of themselves.

What’s interesting is when taking someone through this process of really understanding their problem is usually helps them to feel much calmer.

A new calmer emotional state helps them to explore their problem properly before they decide on the right choices.

Applying this to the real world

One man was convinced his affair partner was the solution to his happiness, but he was worried about leaving the kids so for two years he battled with this problem.

He discovered he was the source of his own unhappiness in his own marriage and this enabled him to explore and form a strong confident relationship with himself as a man, husband and father. 

That enabled him to be able to connect to important emotions within when he was with his wife and now he doesn’t have to leave his family to feel good.

He didn’t care

One lady was stuck because she thought her partner didn’t love or care for her. She discovered she had protected herself for years from a husband that was never trying to hurt her.

He was lost because she wasn’t clear on what she really needed, she thought he would just know.

To compound her problem she didn’t know what she needed either and this woke her up to her real problem. 

She thought he was ill

Another lady was stuck for years in a marriage with a husband who had no interest in her or her happiness.

She was convinced he was ill and so she wouldn’t abandon him.

She discovered her truth that the relationship had alway been this way and her feelings of love over the years were attached to her and what she did for him.

She loved looking after him and he loved being looked after like a child.

This one-way street would be exhausting for her as she emotionally emptied.

By discovering he genuinely had no interest in contributing to her or the marriage she was able to confidently leave him.

Expanding the problem

Getting a clear picture of the real problem is critical for people in an unhappy marriage.

Second marriage divorce rates are much higher than first marriage divorce rates and affair partners that marry have a less than 5% chance of making it, all because they are not understanding the real problem.

  • Affairs are not solutions to marital problems.
  • Divorce is not a solution to marital problems – divorce does not teach us how to choose the right person and how to become great partners.

Understanding is the correct foundation for any solution because it empowers the person to ask the right great question that uncovers the right great answer(s).

Great questions lead to great answers, but the wrong question or no question at all could lead a person to a decision they might not be happy with in years to come.

Divorce regret is high because of this very problem.

If someone has to leave a marriage then they must do so because they understand the problem not just because they feel bad or there seem to be a better deal on the table.

Category iconMarriage Coaching Tag icondivorce regret,  Stuck In An Unhappy Marriage,  Unhappy Marriage

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Hi, I'm Stephen Hedger. I'm determined to help couples discover what their marriage is capable of with the right information. My only question is, will it be yours?

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A 30 minute call with Stephen

In a short phone conversation, Stephen was able to quickly get to the heart of what the real issue was in our marriage – and why in almost a year of working on our marriage including 10 weeks of marriage counselling through a relationship therapy organisation, we weren’t really making any progress. I found Stephen to be extremely perceptive, as well as empathetic to our situation, while being able to quickly pinpoint the real sticking point in our marriage.
Many thanks
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Dear Stephen
Thank you for your time to listen to my experience in my marriage. You gave me encouragement to speak out to my partner in confidence. You made me realise that sometimes the way we make comments on each other can aggravate the situation and make it worse. Your advice made me feel revived.

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Hi, I'm Stephen Hedger. I'm determined to help couples discover what their marriage is capable of with the right information. My only question is, will it be yours?

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Stephen says when you are in marital crisis it's important to know what to do to make sure your next steps don't make the situation even worse. This short guide written by Stephen is designed to help you take a step back and consider next steps intelligently.

 

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Stephen Hedger offers married couples in crisis across the globe a comprehensive strategic roadmap to overcome their marriage problems. Today Stephen works with Celebrities, CEO’s, Lawyers, Bankers, Royalty, Judges, and business owners helping them transform their family and personal relationships with massive breakthroughs, seemingly against all odds.

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Recent Posts

  • “Needy and not needed!”
  • “Discover the No.1 Philosophy of Highly Effective Spouses: From Struggle to Success”
  • “Unveiling the Secrets: How I Mastered the Art of Resolving Relationship Issues”
  • 3 Foundations for a Healthy Marriage
  • Misdiagnosis – Divorce Prevention Part 3

*Disclaimer:
Any testimonials stated on this page or on any pages on the Stephen Hedger Marriage Coach website/s are proof of our success, naturally, results may vary from person to person.

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