“We don’t have fun, I don’t feel that I matter, we bicker all the time and to top that we have nothing exciting interesting and fulfilling to look forward to, why am I here?”
In this STOP & NEVER mini-post series I’m going to cover the keys to making a relationship bulletproof.
Today’s post is the first part and it’s about NEVER drifting through life as a couple.
Couples that grow together stay together.
So it’s important to create a purpose for being together because couples that drift tend to have at least one person making their own plan.
So when you look at the formula for making a relationship bulletproof one of the foundations is about being an effective team with a vision and a purpose.
Why is a vision/purpose so important?
One of the elements that disappear for a person in a marital crisis is their future.
When someone can no longer see a future they like with a partner they can start to imagine a better one on their own.
Not having that plan, purpose or vision as a couple means they have little to lose if they leave, so one part of what keeps couples excited and alive is missing for them.
So with a fading connection and little to look forward to other than more of the same, couples can get bored, disconnect, and look for a better future.
There are four parts to being a couple with a vision and a purpose
Part 1 – The emotions you need
The whole point of having someone in your life with you is they add value.
Adding value equals on an emotional level what’s important to you is positively compounded by them and having them around.
What this means is this.
The emotions that you love to experience you’ll have more of because of their presence.
For example, a person who values fun, love, connection and passion will be happy if they are experiencing, more fun, more love, more connection, and more passion by having their partner around.
Couples that don’t experience a compound of what they value will struggle to be themselves around their partner and this creates a disconnect.
So one of the purposes of being together is their ability to compound important emotions in both people.
Part 2 – Evolving together
The second part is about their ability to maintain and evolve that connection and keep those emotions alive as life progresses and evolves.
A young couple will have very different priorities from new mums and dads.
New mums and dads will have different priorities from retired couples.
Each person over time will change what they value and what they need as they progress through different life stages.
This means it’s important to stay connected as those changes happen.
Many couples don’t evolve together they grow independently of their partner and then experience a disconnect.
Part 3 – What do we want to achieve?
The third part of creating a purpose is about the growth of the couple based on an agreed vision.
- For some people, this may be a financial target where both people are financially free to travel the world.
- Others may have a mission to help others.
- Some may want to grow or continue to hand down a family business.
- Others may want to retire to another country.
- Set up a company to sell.
The type of vision is not important, what’s important is the couple is working towards something they are both passionate about.
Part 4 – Become a cheerleader
This is for each person to encourage their partners’ individual growth so that independently and together each person can experience fulfilment.
Success in life without fulfilment is the biggest life failure so it’s important to align with where we/I are going and why.
So NEVER drift because keeping an exciting future alive is one of the keys to making the marriage bulletproof.
If this has struck a chord and you want help you know what to do.
