• Skip to primary navigation
  • Skip to main content
  • Skip to primary sidebar
  • Skip to footer

New Clients: +44 (0)845 519 4808

Existing Clients +44 (0)20 3793 2829

Stephen Hedger

Stephen Hedger

Crisis Marriage Coach | Harley Street London

  • Marriage Breakthrough Program
  • FAQs
  • Success Stories
  • About
  • Appointments
  • Blog

“When is a relationship over?”

When someone asks me this question, the answer I give is very simple, many will give you many complex answers, but the reality is very simple.

I have been in a few sessions and have witnessed first-hand the moment a relationship dies for good.

I remember one lady who was giving her husband a chance to rebuild a connection with her. He had many patterns that were not helping and alcohol addiction was one that was causing havoc.

I had my doubts about their chances, but they both wanted to have a go, so I agreed.

He was doing great, and she had hope for the future again.

All he had to do was keep going; he was stepping up and winning her back.

During a session, he lost control of himself and everything he learnt went out the window.

My concern was always about his ability to commit to himself and now my fear for them was playing out.

I looked at her eyes as this happened and saw she had instantly emotionally died, connection and hope gone.

She sat staring into the distance motionless until he had finished his rant.

She decided to see me on her own, but with a new brief to rebuild her life alone.

He still wanted it to work, but I had to tell him the chance she gave him was the last chance.

He had no idea what he did to her at that moment whilst out of control of himself, people do this all the time.

That moment for her was the tipping point of no return.

So the moment a relationship dies permanently is when both people give up and for this couple, that happened in less than five seconds.

When one person gives up there is a window of opportunity for the other to step up.

You see, no matter how certain a person communicates to their partner, the relationship is over for them you can bet there is a part of them wondering if they are doing the right thing.

It’s why when there is a significant break of trust, and a partner allows a window of opportunity, it’s important to know that window can close no matter how much they love their partner.

I remember a gentleman telling me he was working flat out on a presentation he hadn’t eaten and didn’t have time for a break due to a deadline.

He knew his wife was passing his office on the way to her friends’ house for coffee that day.

He texted her and said would she mind dropping off a sandwich on her way through.

She replied on text with these words, “I’m not your slave!”

That for him was a tipping point it was yet another selfish act that showed she wasn’t part of a team.

In his mind, she had clearly given up caring about him but seemed happy for him to work whilst she socialised, so he mirrored her, at that moment he decided to divorce her, and he did.

She was unaware of the impact of that moment and the devastation that would unfold.

It’s why ultimatums are so dangerous.

One person is saying there is a condition where I will be out. If the condition is unacceptable or perceived to be unreasonable, the other person will also be out.

I remember a gentleman told me his wife said “it’s the motorbike or her” he told me he chose the bike.

So the moment a relationship is over is very clear.

Is giving up the right decision?

What is not clear is if two people giving up is the right decision for them; this is where too many couples make terrible mistakes.

You see, many people give up for the wrong reasons, and this creates for them an ongoing problem.

One gentleman came for help with his wife, but she decided not to accept the help and left him.

He would have given up if I hadn’t instructed my team to help him back into the process.

I showed him exactly what to do to win her back, and it worked.

You see, divorce and leaving a relationship doesn’t make people better and more intelligent partners.

It’s why affairs are not reality, and the feelings affairs create shouldn’t be trusted.

Affair relationships will help individuals feel significantly better, but not because they are both magically better partners.

Once the excitement/chemistry wears off, we still got two people not knowing what they are doing riding a wave of chemicals that will die away.

There is no education in a having divorce that will lead to understanding the marriage, and this is a problem, especially for those who may want a relationship again.

Some learn so little from the relationship and the divorce all they gain is how to attach fear to relationships. Now the thought of being vulnerable to someone again becomes a place so entrenched with pain, that they never want to commit to anyone again.

One lady repeated her pattern in 4 marriages and was about to give up. She was smart, intuitive, and successful and she was convinced her husband and ex-husbands were the problem!

While I’m sure they were not perfect, I could see she was part of creating husbands that in the end, she didn’t like.

She was totally unaware of the impact of her own behaviours because all she could see was her own perspective.

I had to tell her the core problem was her – she was initially shocked, but smart enough to agree once she saw what I pointed out to her.

One gentleman had divorced his wife due to an affair, he then married the affair partner and created the exact same problem with her didn’t like it so divorced her as well.

He blamed her of course.

He was a bright, successful businessman but was too busy blaming others as he could only see the world from his own perspective; this disabled his desire to start learning.

He didn’t think he needed to.

He was now back home; he had remarried his first wife but was now more confused than ever because the cycle was starting all over again.

He caused himself so much stress he hit the bottom and knew he needed help.

For some, they like to learn the hard way, which means they will do it their way until they can see their way is actually hurting themselves.

Relationships are over when people give up, but people give up because they don’t understand.

This doesn’t mean that every couple should work.

What it means is that each person can learn how they are a part of creating the very problems they don’t like.

If they don’t learn, they will do it again and again and again.

Category iconMarriage Coaching,  Personal Development,  Relationship Stories,  Separation & Divorce

"Clients have been kind enough to want to support YOU because they were once in your shoes"

Read their stories!

Recent Posts

  • When a marriage breaks down – What do I do?
  • Marriage is a dance – A dance most couples kill
  • “We can’t find a way forward!”
  • Breaking unhealthy relationship patterns
  • Anyone that marries will have trouble!
  • “Identity Secrets”- Mini Post
  • Committing to Personal Integrity – Mini Post
  • Men are afraid – Mini Post
  • Are you in a trading relationship? – Mini post
  • Communicating with MEN – Mini Post
  • From Stephen Hedger to you…
  • “Divorce won’t solve this…” – Mini Post
  • “He will remember it all forever!” – Mini Post
  • “She never knew this was her job!” – Mini post
  • Leadership Skills for Relationships – Mini Post
  • What makes a good partner? – Mini post
  • “Do you have good family values?” – Mini Post
  • “Which man should she choose?” – Mini post
  • “Did you enjoy yourself?” – Mini Post
  • The connection that kills passion – Mini post

Over 1000 Relationship Articles

Categories

  • A thought for Sunday
  • Communication
  • Destructive Patterns
  • Discussion
  • Infidelity-Affairs
  • Loss of Love
  • Loss of passion
  • Lost Attraction
  • Marriage Coaching
  • Personal Development
  • Rebuilding trust
  • Relationship Stories
  • Retirement Crisis
  • Save Marriage Alone
  • Separation & Divorce
  • Stop & Never – Mini Posts
  • Stuck
  • Testimonials
  • Top 10 Popular Posts
  • Uncategorized

 

Primary Sidebar

I’m not going to ask you how you “feel", pay me to watch you argue, or try to find the person to blame.

I am looking to discover if the couple can become a team, overcome their problems together and create a dynamic that will create a loving and passionate life together.

My approach is to take you from where you are, to where you want to be… fast!

I can not recommend Stephen highly enough – he not only saved our marriage, but has improved my marriage and myself as a person.

Banker - London

Popular Posts

  • Women are struggling, but men don’t understand why
  • Built an Empire and lost a Family
  • Marriage in Limbo
  • Rebuilding Connection & Trust
  • Divorce Regret
  • Divorce Prevention
  • Resentment Stacking
  • 36 Principles For Success
  • My Wife is Aggressive
  • A Wise Old Man's Decision
  • I was in tears
  • Tourtured by the past

Do You Want
To Save Your Marriage?

Hi, I'm Stephen Hedger. I'm determined to help couples discover what their marriage is capable of with the right information. My only question is, will it be yours?

Learn more

A 30 minute call with Stephen

In a short phone conversation, Stephen was able to quickly get to the heart of what the real issue was in our marriage – and why in almost a year of working on our marriage including 10 weeks of marriage counselling through a relationship therapy organisation, we weren’t really making any progress. I found Stephen to be extremely perceptive, as well as empathetic to our situation, while being able to quickly pinpoint the real sticking point in our marriage.
Many thanks
Olivia

Dear Stephen
Thank you for your time to listen to my experience in my marriage. You gave me encouragement to speak out to my partner in confidence. You made me realise that sometimes the way we make comments on each other can aggravate the situation and make it worse. Your advice made me feel revived.

Kind regards

Chipo

Success Stories

Client responds to testimonial

November 11, 2021 By Stephen Hedger

I’m working with this lady, and during the session, she wanted to comment on a testimonial another client had left. As you go through today post, you will see what she wanted to say. Before you get to her words, I want to set the context. I’m not quoting her word for word here, but […]

“I was in tears…” 

October 20, 2021 By Stephen Hedger

‘Initially I went to Stephen with a sole focus on saving my marriage as my husband wanted a divorce whilst I felt I could not let go of the 14 years’ relationship without giving it a second chance. My husband was determined to exit and refused to join the Marriage Breakthrough Programme with me, therefore […]

“Lawyer saves relationship alone”!

July 27, 2021 By Stephen Hedger

“I went to see Stephen when my relationship was at breaking point. The final trigger was my partner’s plan to sell his property and move in with me. We had until then a long-distance relationship and never spent more than about a month together (thanks to the COVID lockdown). I had finally moved to his […]

“It was like walking through a minefield blindfolded”

November 29, 2020 By Stephen Hedger

When relationships go wrong the pain can be unbelievable. Today’s post is about a couple whose relationship was quickly out of control and both people thought it was the end. When I first agreed to meet this couple she arrived first.  She was clearly very anxious, eyes darting, wringing hands, unsure if her husband would […]

One small shift changed her mind & saved her marriage – Part 2 of “Should divorce really be the next step?”

May 10, 2020 By Stephen Hedger

What sits at the core of the most successful marriages. What is it that makes the difference. What is it that helps couples stand the test of time? What is it that helps couples make it through all the ups and downs life has to throw at them? Is sex at the core for a […]

Do you want
To Save your Marriage?

Hi, I'm Stephen Hedger. I'm determined to help couples discover what their marriage is capable of with the right information. My only question is, will it be yours?

Learn more

 

“Free Marriage in Crisis 8 Page Guide”:

Stephen Hedger is a marriage in crisis specialist sought after by CEO’s Bankers, Judges, GP’s, Business Leaders, A List Celebrities and Entrepreneurs Globally


Stephen says when you are in marital crisis it's important to know what to do to make sure your next steps don't make the situation even worse. This short guide written by Stephen is designed to help you take a step back and consider next steps intelligently.

 

Click to Download FREE

Footer

Sessions currently held over Zoom

If you are interested in Stephens help please call his team on

+44 (0)845 519 4808


Head Office
10 Harley Street
London
W1G 9PF

Stephen Hedger offers married couples in crisis across the globe a comprehensive strategic roadmap to overcome their marriage problems. Today Stephen works with Celebrities, CEO’s, Lawyers, Bankers, Royalty, Judges, and business owners helping them transform their family and personal relationships with massive breakthroughs, seemingly against all odds.

  • Marriage Counselling Alternative
  • Cloe Hedger (Stephen’s wife)
  • Marriage Breakthrough Program
  • Individual Coaching
  • About
  • Success Stories
  • Over 1000 Articles
  • FAQs
  • Mission: Vision: Values:

Recent Posts

  • When a marriage breaks down – What do I do?
  • Marriage is a dance – A dance most couples kill
  • “We can’t find a way forward!”
  • Breaking unhealthy relationship patterns
  • Anyone that marries will have trouble!

*Disclaimer:
Any testimonials stated on this page or on any pages on the Stephen Hedger Marriage Coach website/s are proof of our success, naturally, results may vary from person to person.

Apply FOR HELP NOW

Terms & Privacy Policy      Copyright © 2023 StephenHedger.com. All rights reserved. Company No.08279028    Return to top