Many people in struggling relationships secretly wonder if there’s a better future for them. I know because they tell me.
And the truth? They might be in the wrong relationship.
But not in the way they assume.
Most people think being in the “wrong relationship” means they’ve chosen the wrong person, and for some, this might be true. That if they were with someone else, things would magically be better. Maybe they made a mistake, settled too soon, or weren’t meant to be with their current partner.
But what if the real issue isn’t who they’re with but how their relationship was built?
Relationships Aren’t Found—They’re Created
Most people don’t realise this, but every relationship is a product of how it was built.
A relationship isn’t just something you “fall into” or “stumble across.” It’s something you create. And the way you create it determines whether you thrive or struggle and suffer in it.
The problem is that most people don’t build their relationships intentionally. They create them out of:
- Fear – Avoiding conflict instead of solving it, staying small instead of growing.
- Reaction – Responding to problems emotionally rather than proactively creating solutions.
- Doing Their Best With What They Know – But often, what they “know” is just a mix of outdated beliefs, past wounds, and unconscious habits they picked up from parents, past relationships, or society.
The result? They unintentionally build a relationship they don’t like being in.
Then, they assume the problem is their partner, so the solution is to find a new one, or some may think giving up on relationships is safer option.
Leaving Doesn’t Solve the Problem If You Don’t Change the Blueprint
Here’s the harsh reality:
You can leave your current relationship… and create another relationship you hate being in.
Because if you don’t change how you build relationships, you’ll repeat the same patterns. You’ll make the same choices. You’ll bring the same unintentional habits and unhelpful outdated patterns into your next relationship.
The only thing that really changes is the face in front of you.
That’s why some people have multiple relationships, experiencing the same frustrations, disconnections, and lack of fulfilment over and over again.
Because they never changed the way they build it.
My Relationship With My Wife, Cloe, Is Designed for Success
I don’t just hope my marriage works. My wife and I design our relationship for success.
We are intentional about how we show up for each other.
We focus on how we bring out the best in one another.
We don’t leave love, passion, or connection to chance.
Because we know that a great relationship doesn’t just happen—it’s built so the moment we knew our connection was one we wanted for life we set about designing it.
And once you see why this is so important, you’ll realise something powerful:
You have more control over your relationship than you ever thought possible.
“Are You an Architect or a Tenant?“
Most people go through their relationships like tenants in a rented house.
They accept whatever structure is there, hoping it will be enough. When things break, they try to patch them up. If the house becomes unbearable, they start looking for a new place to live.
But a great relationship requires you to be an architect.
You need to:
- Design it with a clear vision of what you actually want together.
- Build the structure: Trust, communication, emotional safety, supporting that vision.
- Maintain it with daily actions that reinforce love, respect, and connection.
Most people never learned how to be architects of their relationships. But once you do, everything changes.
So… Are You in the Wrong Relationship?
Maybe. But not necessarily because of who you’re with.
You might just be in a relationship built in a way that doesn’t work for you, so maybe there is a way to build a new one.
You see, the concept of building a new relationship, a designed one, is the foundation of what couples who come to me learn. Every couple has a mix of strengths and weaknesses.
The strengths need to be discovered and honoured, and the relationship is focused on building more strengths in the form of foundations.
So the real question isn’t “Should I leave?” but “How can I start building the relationship I actually want?”
If you’re ready to stop reacting and start creating your relationship, your entire life can change in ways you never imagined.
Imagine having measurable markers that help you focus on what you want to change and understand that the changes are possible and happening.
Many of my clients come to me and say, on paper, we have an amazing life, but the reality is we are struggling, not knowing what to do. All we know is the suffering we are in can’t continue, but we can’t break up what we have – so we feel stuck; please help!
Your Current Relationship Dynamic Isn’t Set in Stone—You Have the Power to Rebuild It
If this resonated with you, it’s because a part of you knows there must be a better way. You know that love, passion, and connection don’t just disappear. All they need is the right foundations to thrive, and as it stands, we have not understood how to achieve that.
And here’s the good news: you don’t have to figure it out alone. Many people before you have followed this path and rebuilt the relationship into one they love being in.
I help passionate achievers take back control of their marriage and, this time, build the one they always wanted.
If you’re tired of feeling stuck and ready to stop the cycle of frustration and start building the relationship you want, I invite you to take the next step to see what is possible for you and your situation.
Here’s How You Can Start Today:
Book a Private Consultation – If you’re serious about creating real change, let’s talk. In this session, we’ll identify exactly what keeps you stuck and map a path to transform your relationship. Click here to schedule your call.
Remember, your relationship may not be broken. The problem may be in how you both built it. If that journey happened without a clear design and intention, then the chances of a distorted result are very high.
I remember one gentleman, in his third marriage, who was about to leave his wife until he discovered how the disconnect was built and what he could do to change it – He took back control.
The key is knowing where to focus your energy and efforts, which is why so many fail without ever understanding why.
Harley Street Expert | Founder & High Performance Coach
With two decades of experience helping couples out of crisis, Stephen the founder of The Marriage Breakthrough Program, uses his proven system for rescuing and rebuilding relationships on the edge of divorce. A trusted advisor to CEOs, entrepreneurs, and industry leaders globally, his work blends emotional intelligence with strategic clarity. Known for navigating highly complex relationship challenges, Stephen helps individuals and couples find clarity and direction when everything is at stake.
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