These are the exact words I shared with him. This gentleman did not see the danger his marriage was in, so I had to wake him up to this reality.
When this message finally landed, he got busy very quickly.
What dramatically affects one person can have little to no effect on the other – he didn’t see the problem as they were hurtling towards a very painful outcome.
This is the problem with intimate relationships: so much is hiding in plain sight.
Look at this example.
Let’s say your house is on fire.
You’re standing there, panicked.
You want to save it.
And someone says —
‘Quick! Grab some petrol and throw it on the flames!’
Without question, you would look at them like they had lost their mind.
But guess what?
What you would see as ridiculous advice is precisely what I see couples do in their marriage daily.
I’ll explain…
A couple will experience some kind of trigger, resulting in tension = this is the fire starting.
They feel hurt.
And then they throw emotional petrol on the fire by:-
- Getting defensive
- Pulling away
- Blaming
- Trying to win instead of trying to connect
They think they’re somehow solving the problem —
But they’re actually making it worse – this is the petrol.
And here’s the worst part:
Many don’t even know they’re doing it.
If they do know they are doing it, they won’t know how destructive they are being.
So they just keep reacting, keep fighting, keep feeding the flames —
Then, after years of this, they wonder why they feel more disconnected than ever.
Intimacy dead
Love in question
Transactional existence
A big shift means you don’t need more effort.
You just need to stop throwing fuel on the fire.
And to do that, you need to know
what that fuel really is and why it sparks the fire.
This has always been my mission with every couple that comes for help.
People must stop repeating behaviours that burn down their marriage, whilst oblivious, they go about their daily lives.
Because once you know what’s really going wrong —
You can stop the fire before it starts.
You can rebuild the connection.
And you stop wasting energy on things that don’t work.
To help you understand how to do this, I’ve created a FREE 5-day challenge to start that learning, so sign up below now.
This goes live on Monday, so this is your chance…
Harley Street Expert | Founder & High Performance Coach
With two decades of experience helping couples out of crisis, Stephen the founder of The Marriage Breakthrough Program, uses his proven system for rescuing and rebuilding relationships on the edge of divorce. A trusted advisor to CEOs, entrepreneurs, and industry leaders globally, his work blends emotional intelligence with strategic clarity. Known for navigating highly complex relationship challenges, Stephen helps individuals and couples find clarity and direction when everything is at stake.
Find out more >>> The Marriage Breakthrough Program
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