I meet so many people that are trying all kinds of creative ways to control their partner.
Most people control their partner through some kind of fear system or in a quest to get their needs met.
I know many people think that controlling their partner is their only option.
I have a message.
“NEVER TRY TO CONTROL YOUR PARTNER, EVER”!
If you try to control them, it will eventually backfire as they can resent, emotionally detach or leave.
So if you want to improve your connection and encourage their desire to support you, then your quest must be to add massive value to them in the way they need it.
This means you must change your need to control them and switch your focus to controlling what you bring to them.
I remember talking to one lady who was basically trapped in her own house (this was before COVID).
Her husband would get so upset if she went out with friends on her own, it totally spoilt her evening, so in the end, she stopped bothering going out.
His emotions end up controlling her.
She didn’t want to lose the marriage, but she also knew she wasn’t free, so something in their unhealthy dynamic had to change.
She was worried his fears around her going out could end up building resentment in her that was eventually out of her control and she would have to leave him.
He had a fear he would lose her because he wasn’t enough for her.
The goal was to help him see his value through contribution to her so he could see his value and get her feedback that she only wanted him.
By helping the husband deal with his fears and building up his confidence and value he could bring to the relationship, he could free her and become invested in the happiness she would gain by having a night out.
As he freed her, she ended up loving him more as she felt trusted, and he felt that.
She was coming home because she wanted to, instead of racing home through fear of more upset.
The best way to love someone is to help them be themselves and free them.
You can’t control or emotionally jail a partner because they will at some point want to form an escape committee.
Most fears are self-fulfilling so if you do struggle or have a partner that struggles with the need to control it must change or the relationship will always suffer.
This was one way a person controlled his partner, but there are many and none of them work in the end.
The person controlling usually ends up worse off.