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Stephen Hedger

Stephen Hedger

Crisis Marriage Coach | Harley Street London

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“Couples are failing at the basics…”

“You are our last chance” This is a common message I hear from couples who have tried everything without success and are starting to see divorce as a very real option.

Without the right kind of help, divorce is highly likely for these couples. They need a safe and compelling way to step into the future in a way that is nothing like their past experience.

What they don’t want is to dwell on the past and relive what brought them to where they are today.

What they need is relief and hope that has substance and solid actions they can take today.

As I see it, most couples in this place are not here because they are incompatible; they are here because they have not understood the fundamentals.

You see, their pain and suffering are directly connected to the dynamic they have created together.

This is the problem: each person does not see their part in the dynamic they dislike being a part of.

The beauty of living a life with another person is that they are different and will bring something different to the table.

Being with someone very different to us has many benefits.

Opposing energies are the foundation of attraction, so the difference must be embraced if the couple is to survive.

However, isn’t it interesting that when someone behaves differently from what we expect, we tend to make them wrong?

Is different wrong, or is it just different?

One of the basics of a successful marriage is the understanding that our partners are nothing like us. 

When we get frustrated at our partners’ behaviours, what we see as wrong to us might just be perfectly normal to them.

Thinking that we see the world the same and think the same is impossible. So, this thinking has to change if we are to stand a chance of success.

Men tell me in their droves they can’t understand why their wives don’t seem interested in helping them fix their disconnect.

He might say nothing I do works.

What he does not see is that the way he wants to fix a problem is not going to help her, so he needs to learn her method of approaching emotional disconnects.

His problem is if she doesn’t respond well to his attempts, he makes her wrong and can become frustrated with her.

The way she approaches her problems is very normal to her, but a man with no relationship training will always see her behaviour as destructive.

You see, men do not naturally understand. I know many women wish they did, but they also have the same problem too.

I remember one lady who decided to battle me on this point. She was convinced her husband understood her naturally.

She said that from the start of the relationship, whenever I got upset, he would sit with me and care for me until I came around. He did this for years, and then, one day, he just stopped.

I had to tell her he did this for you with a constant hope that these situations would someday stop. They didn’t stop, and so he saw this as a sign he was failing in the marriage.

So, while for you, this was years of touching moments of love, care, and connection, for him, it was an ongoing sign of stress and failure that, in the end, became too much to bear.

So he had to switch off to protect himself. Both people had set up assumptions and expectations in a way that turned their marriage into a ticking time bomb.

This is why setting up the couple’s dynamic for success is so important.

If couples are not prepared to embrace many of these differences as normal, then the team environment they crave will always be replaced by the battlefield they keep ending up in.

The problem for so many is these critical differences. Many are totally unaware they even exist.

A woman may tell me her husband doesn’t have empathy; what she is missing is empathy, which can only come from understanding.

He has never been a girl, and more importantly, he has never been her. So, there is no way he can share her emotional experience.

To compound the problem, her lack of understanding about how he experiences the world differently from her will lead her to lack empathy for him too. 

Conclusion

It’s not until couples can start to understand how to connect to these fundamental differences that any meaningful connection can happen.

The couple who refuse to accept these differences will forever be in some kind of battle.

The ones who embrace their differences as normal will be in the right place to start the process of building a foundation from which their marriage can grow.

The greatest skill anyone can possess is to see the world from their partner’s perspective.

Only then can you be of emotional value to them. The process is to swap judgment for curiosity.

Once you accept these differences, you can truly start the process of understanding by learning how to comprehend correctly what your partner means and intends when they speak or take action.

Remember, what is potentially okay and harmless for one person can devastate another.

This means the loveliest people can do the most hideous things to each other without understanding their true impact.

Step one is to appreciate your partner’s world so they can remain connected to you.

The most critical moment to achieve this level of connection is when pressure is on. When a couple experiences conflict and it builds more connection as a result, the conflicts become less threatening, and a deep layer of trust is built over time.

Understanding this essential first basic skill will lead couples to the next critical skill.

One of the skills on the journey is to free your partner to be all of who they really are when they are with you. The reason this is so important is because if I can’t be “me” when I’m with you, then I can’t be with you.

A lot of problems that couples face have simple solutions once you break them down into easy steps.

Let’s look at one. Someone might be giving up, when they feel their relationship is at its end and tell me, “It’s so sad!” What they don’t see is SADNESS is an indicator that they ran out of choices based on their limited knowledge.

Give them more knowledge, which will open up their ability to see more choices and ability to see new ways to approach the same challenges.

They end up enlightened and empowered.

  • About
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Stephen Hedger
Stephen Hedger
About the author:

Harley Street Expert | Founder & High Performance Coach

With two decades of experience helping couples out of crisis, Stephen the founder of The Marriage Breakthrough Program, uses his proven system for rescuing and rebuilding relationships on the edge of divorce. A trusted advisor to CEOs, entrepreneurs, and industry leaders globally, his work blends emotional intelligence with strategic clarity. Known for navigating highly complex relationship challenges, Stephen helps individuals and couples find clarity and direction when everything is at stake.

Find out more >>> The Marriage Breakthrough Program
Stephen Hedger
Latest posts by Stephen Hedger (see all)
  • “What Do You Hear When I Speak?” - July 5, 2025
  • Your Marriage Isn’t Broken — The Pattern Is. Here’s How to Fix It. - July 2, 2025
  • The 5C Marriage Blueprint: The Foundation Every Relationship Needs to Thrive - July 1, 2025

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  • “What Do You Hear When I Speak?”
  • Your Marriage Isn’t Broken — The Pattern Is. Here’s How to Fix It.
  • The 5C Marriage Blueprint: The Foundation Every Relationship Needs to Thrive
  • The Silent Killer of Marriages: When You Stop Being You
  • Emotional Intimacy in Marriage: The Key to Trust, Connection, and Lasting Passion
  • Please Save Our Marriage – My Wife has Asked for a Divorce
  • Loss of Love? How to Save Your Relationship
  • Passionless Marriage: “Sex life dying – want to know why?”
  • Coping with an Affair: How to Rebuild Trust and Save Your Marriage
  • Feeling Torn Between Two Relationships?
  • How to Help Spouse Heal After Affair?

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I’m not going to ask you how you “feel", pay me to watch you argue, or try to find the person to blame.

I am looking to discover if the couple can become a team, overcome their problems together and create a dynamic that will create a loving and passionate life together.

My approach is to take you from where you are, to where you want to be… fast!

I can not recommend Stephen highly enough – he not only saved our marriage, but has improved my marriage and myself as a person.

Banker - London

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Do You Want
To Save Your Marriage?

Hi, I'm Stephen Hedger. I'm determined to help couples discover what their marriage is capable of with the right information. My only question is, will it be yours?

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A 30 minute call with Stephen

In a short phone conversation, Stephen was able to quickly get to the heart of what the real issue was in our marriage – and why in almost a year of working on our marriage including 10 weeks of marriage counselling through a relationship therapy organisation, we weren’t really making any progress. I found Stephen to be extremely perceptive, as well as empathetic to our situation, while being able to quickly pinpoint the real sticking point in our marriage.
Many thanks
Olivia

Dear Stephen
Thank you for your time to listen to my experience in my marriage. You gave me encouragement to speak out to my partner in confidence. You made me realise that sometimes the way we make comments on each other can aggravate the situation and make it worse. Your advice made me feel revived.

Kind regards

Chipo

Success Stories

From Battlefield to Breakthrough: How to Save Your Marriage Without a Toxic Fight.

January 31, 2025 By Stephen Hedger

Most people who come to me for help believe their marriage is broken, so their level of hope is not high. Many will have tried to fix the problems without success. These people are unaware that there is a critical mindset shift: if you don’t make it, your chances of success dramatically drop. As you […]

“By changing yourself, you can change a relationship… because I did!”

September 16, 2024 By Stephen Hedger

We were in the process of physical separation, with my husband arranging to move out at the end of the month, and I was getting legal advice on proceeding with the divorce.  On one of those distressed and sleepless nights, I came across Stephen’s website and his blog. I was fascinated. What Stephen has written […]

“There’s no hope in hell – I want a divorce!”

April 22, 2024 By Stephen Hedger

So what do you do when the trust is broken so badly that their relationship ends with them selling their family home and moving into separate homes? Most people would consider this the end, but this gentleman decided something different. He wrote to me to see if I could help. I wanted to encourage his […]

Marriage Crisis from Infidelity & Communication Breakdown

August 21, 2023 By Stephen Hedger

Today’s post is about a professional couple in the UK who decided they wanted to share their experience of their tailormade program that was designed to help them out of their marital challenges. They were in crisis due to communication breakdown and infidelity. They had 12 meetings over five months to learn how to reconnect […]

His Marriage was Over!

June 5, 2023 By Stephen Hedger

This man was in the depths of sadness; his marriage was over, but he didn’t want it to be. They had seen numerous counsellors who had all concluded the marriage was indeed over. He had lost all feelings for his wife. Due to being so stuck for so long, he had started an affair. But […]

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Recent Clients: Scotland, Ireland, Texas, New York, Dubai, Los Angeles, Austrailia, Japan, Germany, France, Ireland, UK, Monaco to name a few.

Stephen Hedger offers married couples in crisis across the globe a comprehensive strategic roadmap to overcome their marriage problems.

Today Stephen works with Celebrities, CEO’s, Lawyers, Bankers, Royalty, Judges, and business owners helping them transform their family and personal relationships with massive breakthroughs, seemingly against all odds.

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Recent Posts

  • “What Do You Hear When I Speak?”
  • Your Marriage Isn’t Broken — The Pattern Is. Here’s How to Fix It.
  • The 5C Marriage Blueprint: The Foundation Every Relationship Needs to Thrive
  • The Silent Killer of Marriages: When You Stop Being You
  • Emotional Intimacy in Marriage: The Key to Trust, Connection, and Lasting Passion

*Disclaimer:
Any testimonials stated on this page or on any pages on the Stephen Hedger Marriage Coach website/s are proof of our success, naturally, results may vary from person to person.

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