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Stephen Hedger

Stephen Hedger

Crisis Marriage Coach | Harley Street London

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“Fixing a Failing Marriage – Easy Steps!”

A husband has a few sessions with me the wife joins the process and says what did you do he has totally changed.

How does this happen? To many this is impossible, but I see it every day because I switched the model.

The reason each person is able to make significant changes in their connection so quickly is because there is a process for bringing the best out in both people so it lasts.

You see human behaviour in relationships is totally predictable, but no one is seeing it.

When you can second guess what will happen next, you can take a confident step towards effective connections.

Most people are not seeing this predictability because they are so focused on their own perspectives and what they are not getting so they are not seeing the whole picture or the impact they are having.

I sit in many initial consultations and watch each person bring the worst out in the other in their quest to get through or get their partner to see their side.

Some are vocal whilst others retreat, some just war, and others have a dynamic where they both retreat.

These are the behaviours I have to help them stop.

So what is going on?

So if a man looks at his wife’s behaviour he will judge her as if she is a man he won’t know he is doing this but being a man is his only reference for life and right and wrong.

For many men, he will say she is badly behaved and if she were a man that would be true, but she isn’t.

She of course will be practising the same problem not connected to the simple fact he isn’t a woman so would never naturally behave or understand what she wants the way she wants.

It’s why so many struggle to keep their connection alive they are never aligned with what’s important to each other and both blame the other for being the problem.

They are both the problem because they only have one perspective, people are so patterned into this dynamic that even when I share this knowledge they can’t help themselves they will still carry on the madness.

This is why I have to go deeper with each person so they can understand what is sabotaging their ability to align and be of value to themselves and the relationship.

I’m looking to help each person develop in three core areas.

  • Their Beliefs
  • Their Character
  • Their Skills

Their Beliefs

With only one perspective and months and sometimes years of problems each person will have developed a self-limiting belief about the relationship and their partner.

This is usually full of resentment stacking, self-protection, blaming demanding all the models that guarantee to make the situation worse.

They have to understand the beliefs that will sabotage their chances and replace them with ones that work.

To change those beliefs they will need to understand the reason why their partner is so different. Why do they respond the way they do?

Most importantly they have to understand that beliefs are not facts, beliefs are simply an emotional perspective.

So two people can agree an event took place, but each person can have a very different emotional attachment to that same event.

Avoiding beliefs that limit us is critical. Relationships are full of limiting beliefs because each person only has their own perspective to rely on and with only one perspective they will without question be a part of the problem.

Their Character

I then help each person to become accountable to themselves.

You see how can a person ever be effective and valuable in a relationship if they can never commit to themselves?

The people most out of control of the relationship are also out of control of themselves they go hand in hand.

Many people through limiting belief systems and ineffective skills are needing their partner to perform in a certain way so they are emotionally okay.

The result is when their partner doesn’t perform the way they want they lose connection to themselves and start a negative process of blaming, demanding and judging.

This is guaranteed to collapse the connection with themselves and their partner.

They are simply not seeing why what they are doing is making them feel so bad all they can see is what their partner is not doing.

People tend to have a model of being the worst of themselves when their relationship experiences problems.

The question that very few are looking to answer is this.

How do I act with integrity when those around me are acting so badly to me?

Their skills

That last question leads me on to the skills required to be an effective partner.

Without the correct belief system and inability to act with integrity each person will always struggle.

How many times do I hear people admit they are nicer to strangers than they are to their own partners?

To be in this place it tells me they are lacking the necessary skills to bring out the best in themselves and their partner and that’s a problem that won’t go away without help.

If a person creates behaviour and their partner isn’t responding the way they want then what they are doing is ineffective.

If they then get upset because their partner hasn’t responded well they are now becoming a problem for themselves and the relationship and we are back to low-level behaviours like demanding, judging and blaming.

So people who are out of control of their relationship and themselves are in a never-ending emotional cycle drifting between anger, frustration to sadness and back to anger and frustration.

This is why people need new skills, new beliefs and ways new ways to keep who they are alive in their relationship.

The Framework for Success

These 3 shifts enable each person to be able to navigate the framework I spoke about yesterday of how to be successful.

Developing these three critical skills allows each person to navigate their relationship using the new framework as a map of what to do no matter what is happening.

So when the inevitable problem shows up and your partner is responding in a way that’s confusing or odd, the new framework will help you to know how to respond so you can be of value to yourself and them.

This is important to create alignment without judgment or expectation.

This way each person is free to become all of who they are and they are still loved.

This enables the process of pleasure to stack and resentments to naturally reduce.

Understanding this new framework is a game changer for couples who are struggling because everyone wins.

There are no losers when practised effectively.

So my question to you either as a couple or on your own do you want to learn today what it really takes?

Have you now had enough of going round in circles?

If you want to learn more about this process click here to learn the steps to get out of those problems.

If your partner doesn’t want to take part then take charge and do it alone.

Category iconMarriage Coaching

"Clients have been kind enough to want to support YOU because they were once in your shoes"

Read their stories!

Recent Posts

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Over 1000 Relationship Articles

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Primary Sidebar

I’m not going to ask you how you “feel", pay me to watch you argue, or try to find the person to blame.

I am looking to discover if the couple can become a team, overcome their problems together and create a dynamic that will create a loving and passionate life together.

My approach is to take you from where you are, to where you want to be… fast!

I can not recommend Stephen highly enough – he not only saved our marriage, but has improved my marriage and myself as a person.

Banker - London

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Do You Want
To Save Your Marriage?

Hi, I'm Stephen Hedger. I'm determined to help couples discover what their marriage is capable of with the right information. My only question is, will it be yours?

Learn more

A 30 minute call with Stephen

In a short phone conversation, Stephen was able to quickly get to the heart of what the real issue was in our marriage – and why in almost a year of working on our marriage including 10 weeks of marriage counselling through a relationship therapy organisation, we weren’t really making any progress. I found Stephen to be extremely perceptive, as well as empathetic to our situation, while being able to quickly pinpoint the real sticking point in our marriage.
Many thanks
Olivia

Dear Stephen
Thank you for your time to listen to my experience in my marriage. You gave me encouragement to speak out to my partner in confidence. You made me realise that sometimes the way we make comments on each other can aggravate the situation and make it worse. Your advice made me feel revived.

Kind regards

Chipo

Success Stories

Client responds to testimonial

November 11, 2021 By Stephen Hedger

I’m working with this lady, and during the session, she wanted to comment on a testimonial another client had left. As you go through today post, you will see what she wanted to say. Before you get to her words, I want to set the context. I’m not quoting her word for word here, but […]

“I was in tears…” 

October 20, 2021 By Stephen Hedger

‘Initially I went to Stephen with a sole focus on saving my marriage as my husband wanted a divorce whilst I felt I could not let go of the 14 years’ relationship without giving it a second chance. My husband was determined to exit and refused to join the Marriage Breakthrough Programme with me, therefore […]

“Lawyer saves relationship alone”!

July 27, 2021 By Stephen Hedger

“I went to see Stephen when my relationship was at breaking point. The final trigger was my partner’s plan to sell his property and move in with me. We had until then a long-distance relationship and never spent more than about a month together (thanks to the COVID lockdown). I had finally moved to his […]

“It was like walking through a minefield blindfolded”

November 29, 2020 By Stephen Hedger

When relationships go wrong the pain can be unbelievable. Today’s post is about a couple whose relationship was quickly out of control and both people thought it was the end. When I first agreed to meet this couple she arrived first.  She was clearly very anxious, eyes darting, wringing hands, unsure if her husband would […]

One small shift changed her mind & saved her marriage – Part 2 of “Should divorce really be the next step?”

May 10, 2020 By Stephen Hedger

What sits at the core of the most successful marriages. What is it that makes the difference. What is it that helps couples stand the test of time? What is it that helps couples make it through all the ups and downs life has to throw at them? Is sex at the core for a […]

Do you want
To Save your Marriage?

Hi, I'm Stephen Hedger. I'm determined to help couples discover what their marriage is capable of with the right information. My only question is, will it be yours?

Learn more

 

“Free Marriage in Crisis 8 Page Guide”:

Stephen Hedger is a marriage in crisis specialist sought after by CEO’s Bankers, Judges, GP’s, Business Leaders, A List Celebrities and Entrepreneurs Globally


Stephen says when you are in marital crisis it's important to know what to do to make sure your next steps don't make the situation even worse. This short guide written by Stephen is designed to help you take a step back and consider next steps intelligently.

 

Click to Download FREE

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Head Office
10 Harley Street
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W1G 9PF

Stephen Hedger offers married couples in crisis across the globe a comprehensive strategic roadmap to overcome their marriage problems. Today Stephen works with Celebrities, CEO’s, Lawyers, Bankers, Royalty, Judges, and business owners helping them transform their family and personal relationships with massive breakthroughs, seemingly against all odds.

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Recent Posts

  • Marriage is a dance – A dance most couples kill
  • “We can’t find a way forward!”
  • Breaking unhealthy relationship patterns
  • Anyone that marries will have trouble!
  • “Identity Secrets”- Mini Post

*Disclaimer:
Any testimonials stated on this page or on any pages on the Stephen Hedger Marriage Coach website/s are proof of our success, naturally, results may vary from person to person.

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