It’s generally women that generate the need to come for relationship coaching with the complaint that
“he never wants to talk about our problems“.
Many women experience this frustration and so they feel that their partner does not care about them, and so she is left to sort out their problems on her own, and this starts to build resentment in her towards her man.
I’ll explain why he is never keen on talking!
…and how to open him up
A man will only want to fix a problem that he knows he can fix. If he knows he will fail, he will be very reluctant to try, because his job is always to please his woman and fix the problems.
Failure to fix her problems and make her happy could mean a failed relationship in his mind, and so he is likely to run when she says “we need to talk”.
To a man “we need to talk” = the end of the relationship!
Can you now see why he is not keen to talk, he wants to save the relationship too. You actually share the same goal just your perspectives are different.
This is why a relationship for a man is like a minefield of pain if it starts to go wrong, because he is so frustrated inside and is stuck, torn with what to do. So he does nothing and it’s this behaviour that frustrates women.
He also dislikes speaking and especially about feelings, so don’t be too hard on him because unlike women men are really not designed to engage in this way, men are not deep voiced, big hairy women.
He does love you and he does care, he just doesn’t know how to fix this!
So if you want to engage with him then speaking to him like he is a woman will never work.
Approach your man in a way that he understands.
For example:
Tell him the problem you are having and the meaning that you put to it and do it without blame.
“when you leave your socks on the floor and I keep complaining that you don’t pick them up, and you ignore my request, it makes me feel that I am not important to you. If that feels true for me then I start to create a fear that the relationship might be under threat and this makes me feel unsafe and unhappy.”
“I need you to make me feel safe and that you will be with me forever, it not really about the socks I just need to know I am appreciated and loved.”
Then tell him what you now need, a hug, or a kiss or loving words. Teach him what you need so he starts to learn how you work so he can be successful at pleasing you.
Many women believe a man should just understand her, but how can he. He is not a mind reader and half the time she does not understand herself, so he has no chance!
You have now given him the process your mind has gone through and where his socks on the floor might lead you to emotionally and what you need to feel better.
Now he understands how to fix you and how to make you happy now he feels like a man again.
You now both have what you really want!
