The difference between men and women is compounded in intimate relationships and is why so many couples are suffering.
No one told us the rules of what works and what doesn’t in our normal world changes instantly they enter this type of intimate connection.
This is a new world with a new language and no one tells us.
So it’s little wonder why so many are struggling.
The gap of understanding is compounded even further when things go wrong.
So when couples first meet they can feel aligned and connected, but this is an illusion.
The problems they will encounter are present at the start but neither knows how to spot them.
So neither is seeing what is about to unfold.
PLEASE NOTE: There are some people who are naturally different to what I’m going to share today.
For example, some men are naturally feminine and some women are naturally masculine.
This changes what they need why they need it and how they need it.
What I’m about to share is the trend I see.
One of the qualities men like in women is confidence, he likes to have her as a team player someone that has his back and will cheer him on.
When she is needy he doesn’t find it attractive.
He also doesn’t like it when he feels untrusted and has to defend himself.
He does however want her to need him.
Sexually he generally doesn’t need very much he is pretty much ready to go.
Women also value confidence and most tend to find an indecisive man unattractive.
Many women like to be in control, but do get fed when they have to take full control all the time of everything.
She likes a man who makes her laugh.
She also dislikes a needy man.
She likes a man that wants to protect her, but in the way she needs it, she wants to feel safe and may say she doesn’t if her critical needs are not met.
Sexually she simply needs a good reason or she won’t be interested.
If you ask a man if he needs help and he says no walk away.
If you ask a woman if she needs help and she says no help her anyway.
When men communicate they say what they mean nothing more and nothing less ask him a day later you’ll get the same answer.
When women communicate she says what she means in that moment, so depending on how she feels it may change.
What she says is connected to what she feels and what she feels is connected to many events, emotions and experiences she may even remember feelings attached to future experiences.
The connection to so many emotions is why her memory of the past is so vivid.
Men in contrast do have emotions but many prefer facts they can rely on, so their memory of what doesn’t matter is poor.
Women are crying out for connection.
The way men connect is different to what women want.
Men want to be appreciated.
Women want to be understood.
Men don’t understand how to connect to women and so men don’t get appreciation from her.
In conflict she can tell him to leave her alone, she then feels alone unloved and abandoned if he does.
In conflict, many men will be trying to avoid it to protect the relationship.
He knows he’ll only make it worse, he knows what he says triggers her so he will stay silent, and some blow up through frustration if she won’t let it go.
Women can also say the meanest things to wake him up to what she is feeling.
All this does is make him run.
What you have read so far is the tip of the iceberg.
The differences are vast, but they all have a good reason.
Misunderstandings can disconnect a couple and this means they’ll enter a critical needs deficit, neither will be aware of.
This can lead to resentment stacking.
That can lead to feelings being switched off, “I no longer love you, or find you attractive”.
What I teach is a framework to understand these complex problems.
So no matter what situation you are in you will be able to put your problem into that framework and see what is going on and why.
This leads to the knowledge of what to do to solve it.
This is how a couple who came to me emotionally and sexually inactive for 10 years can switch their love and passion back on, they understood how to reconnect and switch the connection and attraction back on.
Change the thinking you’ll change what they feel and that changes how they show up.
That changes the energy and that’s how organic reconnection happens.