When a person trying to save their marriage feels they have done all they can to solve their problems, they have two choices. Stay in a marriage and accept their lot, or they can seek help. Divorce is of course an option, but is last on the list. This person needs to feel they have done all they can before they bail out.
Many of those people that do want to seek help can find themselves alone in their quest. Their partner has chosen for whatever reason to not explore their relationship with a third party. I have to say I hear many horror stories from my clients about their perception of the professional help they have sought historically, so I do understand peoples reluctance.
This leaves the person wanting to get help in a difficult position because they are so stuck.
So I encourage individuals to come in and plan their strategy. Being unhappy long-term is not a good health decision and if you have children, please remember your relationship is their model for how life works so whatever you present they will use themselves.
The plan comprises of rebuilding the persons understanding of themselves so they are fully armed for the next stage.
The person who has been in a failing marriage for a while is likely to have lost a sense of their true essence as they have twisted and turned to cope emotionally. So their true self their true identity is going to be lost and they are going to be an exhausted shadow of their former self.
So rebuilding this persons ability to connect with their true self is key before they can decide on the next step.
Once the person is now stronger and self connected that person from a new perspective can chose their direction.
They can decide that now they have woken up, that maybe the marriage is far too destructive or toxic for them, or they have decided to see with my help if they are going to fix it alone.
This is goal totally possible, you see if a person learns about they partner and what they really need then the relationship dynamic can change quite quickly.
The goal is to provide such positive influence into the marriage that the partner feels the shift and responds positively and so mutual contribution is restored.
What we are looking for is for both people to end up in a position where they are contributing to each other – in other words they are now a giving, loving growth orientated relationship.
The destructive side of this coin is…
…if the person has given consistently and been the best partner they can be with my help and the result is their partner simply takes then that person has done all they can.
In this one way street position of giving and taking this puts into question if a healthily loving relationship is actually possible with this person.
The key to this process is in really understanding how to be the best partner you can be.
If this has struck a chord please make contact.