So having spent the best part of two decades listening to couples on the edge of divorce, there is much to learn from them.
I have been looking for the trends of emotional patterns that consistently lead couples to divorce so that I can share them with you.
On Mondays, I will start posting what I found to help you.
The first trend I see with all couples in trouble is the inability to put their partner first.
Trouble is always close by whenever something keeps becoming more important than a partner.
It can be work, hobbies, parents, children, external relationships or yourself.
The moment a partner feels second place, this will naturally cause problems.
Some people fall into the trap of thinking they are putting their partner first, but they only do so because of what they want back.
This practice is a hidden trade designed to manipulate the other persons’ actions – it rarely works.
Many people are unaware that giving love to get love is a trade and, therefore, destructive to their connection.
The emotionally unaware
Some think they are putting their partner first, but their partner doesn’t feel it, so they are detached from their partner’s emotional world.
I don’t feel I matter to you!
People in the depths of crisis can feel they are at the bottom of their partners’ list, and this feeling will lead to self-protection.
If you have read my posts for a while, you will know you can’t protect yourself from a partner and keep the love alive – mechanically, it’s impossible.
Self-protection kills love connection and attraction
So please know the need for self-protection actively kills love and connection and destroys emotional security.
So the practice of NOT putting a partner first is corrosive and is one of the elements I consistently see in couples on the edge of divorce.
The couples that come back from the edge will have changed this pattern.
Relationships are a place for giving, and the mission is to build a trend of giving more than you get.
When this pattern is present, it’s usually connected to many other challenges, which I will cover in the coming weeks.