If I were to sum up most couples’ problems, it’s in their inability to predict what will happen based on their actions, as a result, they live unsafe reactive lives.
Being able to predict what will happen will gain each person clarity so the future they step into makes sense to them.
With my clients, I’m helping them understand what will happen what they will feel and what they have to do.
I’m retraining them on how to be married so they reconnect in a way that keeps connection and passion alive.
Incorrect predictions stack the odds in the wrong direction, it’s like stepping into the future blind.
On occasions, I will instruct my team to help a person who is going to make a life-changing decision due to creating the wrong prediction.
One gentleman saw his wife give up and leave him as a sign that he must too. If we hadn’t intervened he would today have lost his chance. With help, he won her back and now they refer many couples to us who are equally lost.
I’ve done this for so long that I could see what he couldn’t see thankfully he listened and followed every instruction.
A couple decided to cancel their session because they felt better, they were not seeing the problems I could see so I instructed my team to encourage them back in.
Couples that cycle through unhappy and then happy will become a little worse each time because the root problem has not been addressed.
Prediction = Security
People are choosing the wrong partners and they can’t see it so they enter a needs conflict not seeing that’s their problem.
They don’t predict their affair won’t last because they miss what brought them together as in most cases it’s not each other.
Men are wanting more sex and don’t see his behaviour is making her want less sex with him.
Women are looking for a safer connection, are approaching him in a way that makes him disconnect.
People are not predicting the correct actions to get their partner back and so they make it worse by making their partner run away faster.
People are bringing out the worst in their partners in their quest to help them, they are not predicting this correctly because they think their partner is the same as them.
People ask for a divorce unaware that in a few months’ time they would break their own hearts by regretting their divorce – I see many of these.
People are horrible to their partners, and take them for granted unaware their partner is planning to leave them.
People run a pleasing model unaware of the negative impact pleasing has on the relationship.
People assume their partner is the same as them and then wonder why they are constantly disconnected.
People run the wrong emotional patterns, patterns that are designed to keep them safe but will actively kill their connection.
These are a few common problems I see every day.
Without the vision of predictability, every person is stepping into the future blind.
Some repeat the same old patterns, others create new equally distorted patterns if nothing is working.
The skill of prediction is really about stacking the odds so your decisions are less of a risk.
If you can see you are making the same mistakes or are making things worse but don’t know why then maybe now is the time we should speak?