Yesterday we spoke about helping men to be successful with their partners. Today the basic principle of putting yourself in the shoes of your partner is just as critical for her to do for him.
In other words how to understand him and why he does what he does.
One of the biggest sources of pain for most men is the inability to please, or be successful with his partner. The biggest pain for him is knowing he has failed her and he is not her source of pleasure.
Having worked with so many couples over the years I know that many women do not believe that pleasing her is his goal because she feels so dreadful when she is with him.
The reason is because either he is giving but not in the way she wants or he has given up with her and has found other ways to feel successful which could also benefit her, i.e. working to create money and she likes money so she would feel happy with this even if she’s not happy in other areas.
What I want the women reading this to know is his intent is good he wants to please you he wants to feel successful with you, but he is lost and doesn’t know how. If you have never told him how, how would he know. Even if you feel you have told him he won’t understand.
Essentially what he wants is to be able strong, decisive and consistent with you just like he is at work. Ironically this is what you want too, but most men don’t do it through fear of upsetting her.
So when he is presented with problems from a females perspective he is going to be lost. It doesn’t matter how many times you nag him you won’t get through he just won’t hear you.
Whilst you are focused on him not understanding you and his clear lack of love and understanding for you. He is focused on more failure and more negative energy hitting him. This is just further proof he can’t be successful with you and so he gives up.
Key advice for women
If he is shutting down getting angry or running away by working late, or maybe he’s spending time with his friends it’s not because he doesn’t love you, it’s because he does.
He watches you go on a rollercoaster of emotional states and he thinks if he stays away the storm will calm down and all will be well again. This is his fast fix for her to feel ok again.
Eventually this does work in his eyes because all will seem calm, but she might have given up communicating now she knows she can never get through to him and so the relationship is dead for her. So calm has two meanings in the relationship.
Now we are clear his intent is good and you understand a little more of what he needs and he’s not trying to hurt you what can you do to really get through to him.
Show him that you trust him and you respect him. This is critical to him he needs to know you can see that he is doing all he can to make things work even if he is lost with you. Help him understand you do value him and why.
Essentially he needs to know you love him and your love is unconditional. Unconditional means no matter what. If he is down or in a bad mood even if you are angry at him because he has done something wrong. Love him like you would love your children.
Next is of course the most obvious plan sexual situations and seduce him. Tease him surprise him show him your love. Provoke the masculine out in him.
Every women has the ability to be far more exciting and attractive to her man than any newspaper or movie.
Your man needs to have the real you, not the locked down fearful one afraid she is not enough and fearful she won’t be loved.
So the question now is, when you look at the two articles where does the block now sit in your relationship.
Who is holding back who is not giving their true selves to the relationship and how can you help them to make the changes they want.
The key to a successful relationship is to be who you are and to give your partner your gifts. So hold yourself to a higher standard and be the example.
- Who goes first, who cares just take action and reclaim the essence of who you both really are.
Harley Street Expert | Founder & High Performance Coach
With two decades of experience helping couples out of crisis, Stephen the founder of The Marriage Breakthrough Program, uses his proven system for rescuing and rebuilding relationships on the edge of divorce. A trusted advisor to CEOs, entrepreneurs, and industry leaders globally, his work blends emotional intelligence with strategic clarity. Known for navigating highly complex relationship challenges, Stephen helps individuals and couples find clarity and direction when everything is at stake.
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