If you are looking for the secret of a successful marriage then the starting point is to understand that building a successful marriage takes skill, understanding and is definitely not for the lazy.
A successful relationship is one that is lasting and passionate. Lasting sexless relationships are not the goal of couples choosing to marry, but unfortunately this is the way they end up.
So what needs to be in place for you both to survive the years of the ups and downs that life throw at you.
- Do you share the same goals? Couples that have not defined what they expect their day to day lives to be like can become disillusioned with each others day-to-day behaviors. So life does not feel the way they expected. Most couples feel great when they first meet and the extent of their planning stops at having children or getting married.
- Do you grow or die from your conflict? All couples will at some stage have conflict. (Please note many couple who say they have no conflict can find they have a lack of passion). So if you do experience conflict you have to know how to grow from the conflict. Most couples argue and this bit-by-bit it kills the relationship as resentment and lack of respect becomes the model of behavior in the relationship.
- Do you understand each other needs? A major cause of relationship breakdown is a needs issue. Unless you both know how to understand each other needs you will discover you partner has to go elsewhere to feel good. What most people don’t understand is that core needs within us are critical. So if your partner does go elsewhere to fulfill their missing need they are not trying to hurt the relationship.
- Do you both understand how different the sexes are and how to understand each others behaviors?
- Do you both understand how critical it is to be free to be who you are in your relationship? If you have to change who you are to sustain your relationship the relationship is going to suffer or end.