I remember one lady sat in a session with me she told me she was sick and tired of her husband (CEO) treating her like an employee.
I also noticed that he was also sick of being treated like a child.
They were a professional couple with young children.
At home, she had reverted to being the mum of her children and her husband and he was defaulting to being CEO of his wife and children.
This dynamic was guaranteed to kill their connection.
Both people had lost connection with what it was like to be husband and wife and one of the casualties of this distorted dynamic was their inability to have enough emotional security and emotional connection to create the identity of being lovers.
Neither could see their identities of CEO and MUM were simply not a good combination for leading them to passion.
In fact all it lead them to was resentment and suffering.
Who you are in your marriage and the energy it creates has the ability to grow or destroy your connection.
Being very aware of this in my own relationship I remember Cloe my wife asking me a business question.
I could have just answered it but I chose this approach.
I responded with “who would you like to answer that question?”
She said “ that’s interesting, what’s my choice?”
I told her she could have husband or businessman.
She said “…could I have husband first?”
She chose an emotional connection with her husband before the tough business questions were addressed this understanding is part of the mix couples are not seeing when they show up with each other.
How you show up is critical
The identity you bring to your marriage is going to create an energy that either grows connection or kills it.
Of course, these identities we slip into without thinking are not limited to just our professions or our roles.
Individuals can become identities that are self-protective, they can be judgmental, a person can live as a victim, or have the identity of using an illness to control the relationship and others.
Some people are stuck in the identities or decisions created in their childhood imprint process.
So who have you both become and what is that identity creating?
Are you both creating more love and passion or more disconnect?