Love is not a certainty

So many people become unstuck in their relationships because they are trying to make love a certainty.

Love isn’t something you can force or manipulate. It’s not something you can buy. Love is a force that’s created through understanding how to truly become vulnerable and valuable to another person.

People who’s relationship with themselves is poor can seek out relationships with others to heal their own problems with disastrous consequences.

If anyone tries to control love, they will help it naturally die.

This is why people who habitually protect themselves from their partners through misunderstandings naturally kill a love that really should have flourished.

So many people are fearful they are not enough or they won’t be love and so they create patterns to protect them. Some are very aware of their patterns and some are totally blind to how destructive they are to themselves and the marriage they desperately want to keep.

People who have experienced a traumatic connection with their parents will struggle. If you can’t trust your parents, who can you trust?

People that should have been protected by primary caregivers and weren’t will struggle.

So many parents are themselves fearful of vulnerability in their marriage; they pass these fears onto their children without knowing or meaning too.

Children are usually given unconditional love because that love will feel safe to give. But unconditional love adult to adult can for many seem risky, but without it, the relationship will suffer.

So many background stories of pain and suffering with others can help people into destructive patterns that disable love from existing in their own marriages.

So the reality that so many are not seeing is by trying to control love it becomes more and more out of control.

True love can only survive if it’s free to breathe.

True love can only survive if a person behaviours help their partner to become the very best of themselves.

You see people leave marriages because they can’t be themselves in them.

True love is not a trade, and it’s not about me.

Children need to trade and take love because love for them is needed for survival.

If adults try to take love they kill it, overly needy controlling people are simply not attractive or good team members.

True love for an adult can only happen when we give authentically from our hearts without expectation of anything in return.

In other words, we give to others because the giving energy is who we are.

The moment your relationship becomes about you and what you are not getting the relationships is dying.

Too many people want love but are not loving to their partners.

The most important lesson is to create a relationship with yourself where you can trust you to become what you truly value.

Far too many people are expecting far more of their partner than they do of themselves.

If you don’t become fun, will you feel fun?

If you don’t become kind, will you feel kindness?

If you don’t become confident, will you feel confidence?

So if you don’t become loving will you feel love?

This is why so many people fall out of love they stopped being loving because it’s too risky, and they then blame their relationship or their partner.

True love comes from the ability to become vulnerable to your partner, through adding massive value to them so they can truly connect to themselves when they are with you.

Controlling, judging, belittling, withdrawing adds no value and kills the person with this behaviour from being who they really are.

All they feel is bad about themselves, and this energy kills relationships.

Far too many people think marriage is a 50/50 deal and this is why they suffer they are out of control of 50%.

Relationships must be 100%/100% you are both 100% responsible for being your best self and to look after the other when they are struggling.

This way, the couple will experience the ups and downs of life together as a team.

Sadly most of what should happen really doesn’t for so many couples and so they suffer.

My clients are shown the path mindset shift and skills needed to enable these powerful energies to work in their relationships favour so they can bring all of themselves to each other with no risk.



About Stephen Hedger

International relationship expert Stephen Hedger's philosophy on relationship problems is this: Couples fail to understand their relationships because they are too focused on their problems and so they totally miss what created them. Stephen's approach is a refreshing and enlightening journey that helps couples uncover their truth. His strategies uncover the knowledge that all couples need to create a successful and lasting passionate connection. If you are in crisis and you need help, book an initial consultation today to get your life back on track.