Want to solve your problems?

Do you feel that your problems are impossible to solve? Any individual or couple that have a problem they feel is impossible to solve is going to feel that way for one reason.

They are keeping their problem alive by the way they are approaching their problem(s).

It’s easy to keep approaching a problem in the same way, keep failing and then concluded it’s impossible to solve. So many couples are divorcing for the wrong reason and they have no idea. Many feel they have tried everything, however the truth is it’s likely they have only tried what they can think of trying.

A lady came to me recently, she was struggling to get over a recent break-up. She was clearly harming herself with her approach to her challenge, no sleep, loss of weight, emotionally empty she was heading for bigger problems and she knew it.

I helped her to approach it from a different perspective and she went from feeling totally hopeless to feeling back in control. She wrote to me the very next day to share how different she felt, but she seemed confused at how she could feel so differently so quickly.

My next step with her was to show her why she felt so differently so quickly and how she could do this for herself in the future.

This is the approach I use with couples who are going round in circles, the difference is I have two people to work with at he same time.

Helping two people to see their problem differently is a more complex challenge, because the approach has to work for both people who usually have a totally different perspective on the challenge they face.

One of my key goals is to help the couple see their challenge as a team rather than helping them battle and try to win from their own and very different perspective.

When a couple start to see the problem from the same side the couple can start to open up many new ways to solve their problems together. This is a critical skill to learn.

We are not taught how to do this growing up and for many it’s not second nature, how you approach a problem is critical.

Cloe and I practice this approach in our relationship and all couples that come through my doors are helped to understand how important this approach is.

When couples find themselves on the same side solving problems they will notice how freeing and empowering this experience is.

I know many individuals will read this and feel this would never work with their situation. Their situation is different, it’s gone on too long the feelings are too damaged.

This is the thinking I have been talking about, this is the thinking that can eventually kill a perfectly good relationship/family.

When couples get on the same side to solve their problems this is what I see.

  • The couple that was physically hitting each other out of frustration are now building exciting future.
  • The couples who seem to want different goals (living on opposite sides of the world) as a means to escape their own pain cannot now bear the thought of being apart and don’t care where they live as long as they are together.
  • The couple who fell into an unhealthy rut that they just couldn’t escape from now know what they both did to make that a possibility and are protecting their relationship every day.

These couples didn’t solve their challenges by chatting about their problems, or sharing how they felt with me.

They learnt how to bring new empowering perspectives to their situation that meant they could connect to their truth and grow from it.

Helping couples is not about making one person right and the other wrong, it’s not about taking sides, or making compromises. It’s not about killing dreams or stopping someone being who they really are.

Building relationships either from the start of their relationship, or out of crisis is about helping the couple become truly united in a way that will free them to grow together.

When your in pain physically, or emotionally remember it’s your minds way of telling you what you’re doing isn’t working.

Simply chatting about problems doesn’t solve them it keeps them alive, so if you are keen to solve whatever challenge you have then what needs to change is your thinking and your approach.

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About Stephen Hedger

International relationship expert Stephen Hedger's philosophy on relationship problems is this: Couples fail to understand their relationships because they are too focused on their problems and so they totally miss what created them. Stephen's approach is a refreshing and enlightening journey that helps couples uncover their truth. His strategies uncover the knowledge that all couples need to create a successful and lasting passionate connection. If you are in crisis and you need help, book an initial consultation today to get your life back on track.