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Stephen Hedger

Stephen Hedger

Crisis Marriage Coach | Harley Street London

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What does a healthy relationship look like?

So many people are living in dysfunctional relationships and have no idea it’s unhealthy for them.

So in today’s post, I’m going to take you through some thoughts you may not be aware are important.

It’s true that successful couples have relationships that are easy to be in, but it’s easy because they have understood some fundamental skills of how to create a connected passionate life together.

Nature does NOT give us this critical knowledge, so living together successfully will require some new knowledge.

1. You must be free to be connected to who you really are.

So many people change themselves in order to make the relationship work. A successful relationship must help you to become more of who you are not less.

Maintaining the integrity to be true to who you are while you are in your relationship is critical because disconnection from yourself is painful and, if practised for too long, will turn into suffering that can, for some, lead to stress, anxiety or depression.

I see many couples where one person creates a dynamic of emotionally controlling their partners’ behaviours so much so they disconnect from themselves just to keep the relationship alive.

You cannot shut important parts of you down because this can lead to resentments being stacked over time, and this kills connection and passion.

Successful couples make their relationship with themselves a priority. Too many people have had past upsets or trauma, and they think a relationship will heal those old wounds they won’t.

2. You must be invested in your partners’ happiness.

So many couples enter my sessions focused on themselves and what they are NOT getting.

Meeting your partners’ needs in the way they need it is critical to show them they matter to us.

If your partner can see their needs physical and emotional matter to us this is another step towards creating a flow of connected energy.

Successful couples make it their mission to learn how to understand their partner. They know what drives them and what they value.

They want to help their partner live their best life. When two people do this, it makes their passion for life and each other so much easier.

3. It’s important to be a team

So many couples stop being a team because they have no vision to work towards. Once they are married, bought the house, and had the kids, their reason for being together can be weakened.

I see so many couples hit a crisis once their kids leave home. They know how to be workers and mums and dads, but they’ve lost the reason they are together.

So being a team is more than just having each other’s backs. It’s about creating a real purpose and excitement around why they are together and where we are going.

Many couples are bored in their marriage and it’s because they are not striving and excited about their shared vision.

4. Conflict is a place to learn and grow closer.

Most people’s conflicts result in resentments that stack over time. Understanding your conflicts is critical, so they create more understanding and more connection.

Some people have conflict all the time, and some never argue at all. Neither is good.

Successful conflict creates learning and growing. It’s a place where conflict is seen as intimacy and openness to connect and where feelings are looked after.

A successful couple is not afraid of conflict they see it as a way to show their love and reconnect to themselves and each other.

5. Learn what your partner really needs and how they are different from you. 

It’s a terrible mistake to think your partner is like you. People who don’t see the difference can become judgmental of their partners’ behaviours.

Couples in a healthy relationship know they are not qualified to judge their partner; they are only qualified to judge themselves.

6. Focus on your partners’ strengths.

Each person is going to have qualities that together help them create a stronger team together than they would be apart.

Embracing your partner strengths and helping them where they are weaker is critical to keep a positive flow of energy alive.

Couples in destructive dynamics are usually focused on each other’s failings.

Couples who are passionate and connected are aware they and their partner are not perfect, so they actively choose to focus their energy on what’s great about them, deleting their weaknesses.

7. Embrace vulnerability

This is a big one in a society where vulnerability is seen as a weakness. Successful couples embrace vulnerability because it shows their partner they can trust them with their hearts.

Vulnerability is at the heart of unconditional love. Successful couples trust themselves to hand each other their hearts to look after.

These couples can see who their partner really is, they understand the core of their partners’ needs, and they both know no matter what their partner has their back.

8. Couples that learn how to communicate effectively are more likely to last. 

The moment you are in an intimate relationship, the communication rules change, and most people don’t know this.

Men and women in intimate relationships may as well be speaking Russian and Japanese to each other. The key to understanding each other is in looking for the meanings behind their words.

Many men don’t understand the construct of how women in intimate relationships communicate, while women feel they are being very clear, and so either their man is emotionally deficient, or he doesn’t care.

Successful couples have learnt how to correctly translate each other so their connection creates more harmony, and they can focus on fun and passion.

9. There must be equality

Successful couples feel of equal value to each other regardless of what they do or how much money they bring into the home.

The couple that suffers is the ones where one person holds the power over the other through emotional control or control over finances.

10. Attraction dynamics

Couples who understand how to create an energy that allows for a healthy range of masculine and feminine energy to exist will keep passion high and need for security low.

Many couples are not even aware of the power this hold for them. Get it wrong and the relationship dies. Embrace the power of masculine and feminine and their connection thrives.

So, what does a healthy relationship look like?

It looks like two people who have put their relationship at the centre of their world. Nothing is more important than their connection to each other.

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Stephen Hedger
Stephen Hedger
About the author:

Harley Street Expert | Founder & High Performance Coach

With two decades of experience helping couples out of crisis, Stephen the founder of The Marriage Breakthrough Program, uses his proven system for rescuing and rebuilding relationships on the edge of divorce. A trusted advisor to CEOs, entrepreneurs, and industry leaders globally, his work blends emotional intelligence with strategic clarity. Known for navigating highly complex relationship challenges, Stephen helps individuals and couples find clarity and direction when everything is at stake.

Click to find out more >>> The Marriage Breakthrough Program
Stephen Hedger
Latest posts by Stephen Hedger (see all)
  • Loss of Love? How to Save Your Relationship - June 26, 2025
  • Passionless Marriage: “Sex life dying – want to know why?” - June 26, 2025
  • Coping with an Affair: How to Rebuild Trust and Save Your Marriage - June 26, 2025

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Recent Posts

  • Your Marriage Isn’t Broken — The Pattern Is. Here’s How to Fix It.
  • The 5C Marriage Blueprint: The Foundation Every Relationship Needs to Thrive
  • The Silent Killer of Marriages: When You Stop Being You
  • Emotional Intimacy in Marriage: The Key to Trust, Connection, and Lasting Passion
  • Please Save Our Marriage – My Wife has Asked for a Divorce
  • Loss of Love? How to Save Your Relationship
  • Passionless Marriage: “Sex life dying – want to know why?”
  • Coping with an Affair: How to Rebuild Trust and Save Your Marriage
  • Feeling Torn Between Two Relationships?
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I’m not going to ask you how you “feel", pay me to watch you argue, or try to find the person to blame.

I am looking to discover if the couple can become a team, overcome their problems together and create a dynamic that will create a loving and passionate life together.

My approach is to take you from where you are, to where you want to be… fast!

I can not recommend Stephen highly enough – he not only saved our marriage, but has improved my marriage and myself as a person.

Banker - London

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Hi, I'm Stephen Hedger. I'm determined to help couples discover what their marriage is capable of with the right information. My only question is, will it be yours?

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A 30 minute call with Stephen

In a short phone conversation, Stephen was able to quickly get to the heart of what the real issue was in our marriage – and why in almost a year of working on our marriage including 10 weeks of marriage counselling through a relationship therapy organisation, we weren’t really making any progress. I found Stephen to be extremely perceptive, as well as empathetic to our situation, while being able to quickly pinpoint the real sticking point in our marriage.
Many thanks
Olivia

Dear Stephen
Thank you for your time to listen to my experience in my marriage. You gave me encouragement to speak out to my partner in confidence. You made me realise that sometimes the way we make comments on each other can aggravate the situation and make it worse. Your advice made me feel revived.

Kind regards

Chipo

Success Stories

From Battlefield to Breakthrough: How to Save Your Marriage Without a Toxic Fight.

January 31, 2025 By Stephen Hedger

Most people who come to me for help believe their marriage is broken, so their level of hope is not high. Many will have tried to fix the problems without success. These people are unaware that there is a critical mindset shift: if you don’t make it, your chances of success dramatically drop. As you […]

“By changing yourself, you can change a relationship… because I did!”

September 16, 2024 By Stephen Hedger

We were in the process of physical separation, with my husband arranging to move out at the end of the month, and I was getting legal advice on proceeding with the divorce.  On one of those distressed and sleepless nights, I came across Stephen’s website and his blog. I was fascinated. What Stephen has written […]

“There’s no hope in hell – I want a divorce!”

April 22, 2024 By Stephen Hedger

So what do you do when the trust is broken so badly that their relationship ends with them selling their family home and moving into separate homes? Most people would consider this the end, but this gentleman decided something different. He wrote to me to see if I could help. I wanted to encourage his […]

Marriage Crisis from Infidelity & Communication Breakdown

August 21, 2023 By Stephen Hedger

Today’s post is about a professional couple in the UK who decided they wanted to share their experience of their tailormade program that was designed to help them out of their marital challenges. They were in crisis due to communication breakdown and infidelity. They had 12 meetings over five months to learn how to reconnect […]

His Marriage was Over!

June 5, 2023 By Stephen Hedger

This man was in the depths of sadness; his marriage was over, but he didn’t want it to be. They had seen numerous counsellors who had all concluded the marriage was indeed over. He had lost all feelings for his wife. Due to being so stuck for so long, he had started an affair. But […]

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Recent Clients: Scotland, Ireland, Texas, New York, Dubai, Los Angeles, Austrailia, Japan, Germany, France, Ireland, UK, Monaco to name a few.

Stephen Hedger offers married couples in crisis across the globe a comprehensive strategic roadmap to overcome their marriage problems.

Today Stephen works with Celebrities, CEO’s, Lawyers, Bankers, Royalty, Judges, and business owners helping them transform their family and personal relationships with massive breakthroughs, seemingly against all odds.

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Recent Posts

  • Your Marriage Isn’t Broken — The Pattern Is. Here’s How to Fix It.
  • The 5C Marriage Blueprint: The Foundation Every Relationship Needs to Thrive
  • The Silent Killer of Marriages: When You Stop Being You
  • Emotional Intimacy in Marriage: The Key to Trust, Connection, and Lasting Passion
  • Please Save Our Marriage – My Wife has Asked for a Divorce

*Disclaimer:
Any testimonials stated on this page or on any pages on the Stephen Hedger Marriage Coach website/s are proof of our success, naturally, results may vary from person to person.

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