If couples are not given the proper guidance at the start of their marriage, they are left to do their best to keep their connection alive.
The challenge they face is that many will form destructive habits that will create a growing pattern of disconnection over time.
I call this the “four degrees of erosion”, to start with it’s invisible, but years later there is a noticeable gap.
Each person won’t mean to cause these problems as they will be doing their best with what they know.
Sadly what they know won’t be enough.
What they will notice is their loss of connection will turn pain into suffering.
Some fight, some withdraw some throw themselves into work or family.
Some pretend there isn’t a problem. Others simply feel bad and then turn to an affair to feel good again.
Whatever situation they are in, one person will make noises that they can’t cope, need help, or think time apart is their solution.
If the couple wants to discover what is possible, they will need a process that changes the destructive patterns and replaces them with constructive ones to build new foundations.
The key is identifying each area of disconnect and putting in place the strategy and process to undo each one.
It usually takes about three months to form a new successful pattern.
This is why when the couple have completed their understanding of what didn’t work and why.
They must spend the next 3-6 months discovering what they can achieve on their own with their new knowledge.
Like anything, what you get out is directly connected to what you put in.
I don’t fix couples problems, they fix themselves once they understand the process or steps.
So for couples wanting to end their suffering and see what is possible for them, they need a commitment to discover their truth and bring an openness to learn.
Whatever situation the couple is in, discovering what they are capable of stops a lot of pain in the long run regardless of where they land.
Most couples rediscover the energy that initially connected them, and they end up breathing new life into their connection and excitement for the future.
A minority of couples discover their connection wasn’t going to work, which calmed the situation and helped them turn their focus into looking after their children.
This avoids a messy divorce and enables them to have a map of how to build healthy relationships with new partners.
Many of the new patterns couples learn are directly connected to understanding their partner differently to positively influence each other so they live in a win-win dynamic.
Too many people are living in a compromise that means neither person is getting what they need.
A relationship is supposed to magnify the energies the couple love to experience together.
Most are magnifying horrible feelings, and they both attach those feelings to each other.
The Marriage Breakthrough Program is a process that helps couples repattern their relationship over three months, giving them a chance to see what they are capable of achieving.