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Stephen Hedger

Stephen Hedger

Crisis Marriage Coach | Harley Street London

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5 Core Foundations Needed For A Successful Marriage?

If you want a successful marriage then getting the right foundations in place is going to be critical to ensuring it’s survival. If your marriage is in trouble and these foundations have not been in place then you’ll start to understand why things are going wrong.

Intimate relationships are riddled with hidden problems that no one is either aware of or talks about.

So to avoid these problems these core foundations are needed if you are both going to make a real difference to each other.

I have spilt these into 5 foundational topics to help you.

Trust

This one won’t be a surprise however there are some key areas of focus that many miss. Yes I can see everyone nodding it’s really important to be able to trust your partner.  

This is what most miss. It’s important for you to trust you to bring the very best of you to your relationship and life.

When most people experience relationship problems, they are so consumed by their own automatic emotional protection they miss the fact they have disconnected from who they are and what’s important to them.

So loving, warm, respectful people lose control and behave in ways that simply don’t reflect who they are. Of course they are likely to blame their partner for how they feel, but the cold hard truth is there is only one creator of your emotions and that’s you.

Communication

Everyone would agree that effective communication is critical for a couple. The biggest challenge I see is the dramatic difference between men and women and the confusion this brings.

Not only do the individuals speak very differently they also hear differently. So what sounds like english may as well be Russian and Japanese because the words will simply not be going in.

The further layers that add confusion is stacked resentments that add additional protective filters that distort what the person hears.

  • What equals normal day-to-day communication?
  • What equals emotional connection communication?
  • What equals communication that can dissolve anger, frustration and aggression?
  • What equals communication that gets stuff done?

Needs

Meeting critical needs is a significant problem for couples. If a couples needs are not met they will go into a needs deficit. This is dangerous for the couple because it means that critical needs are being met outside the relationship and so the relationship slowly becomes redundant.

The complexity with needs is very few people really know what they need let alone what their partner needs. So everyone is in the dark usually focused on want they want or are not getting or they trade to get their needs met. This all ends badly.

To add a bigger challenge for couple in crisis. When a person starts to protect themselves in the relationship their whole need structure can change. This can feel like the person has had a personality transplant.

To add more challenges, a persons needs and what’s important to them will change over time and it’s important the relationship follows these changes so the couple remain connected.

Big events, such as births, deaths, children leaving home can change a person needs structures and confuse a partner.

Some individuals can become destructively attached to meeting their needs in a ways which make their life problematic. The behave in ways designed to feel safe, yet they can feel exhausted, negative, stressed, negative.

My relationship with myself

I see so many couples enter my process totally disconnect to who they really are. They will have spent years coping and managing their emotional positions in their marriage. 

One of the core goals is to help them learn who they are so they can make a conscious decision to make sure they never change to their detriment again.

The automatic changes that individuals make are reactive and for many destructive. The goal is to help them become much more considered about how they show up in their own lives because this is safer and less painful.

  • So what do you value and why?
  • What is your relationship with your own past, your now and your future?
  • How do you see yourself and what are your beliefs about you and what you are really capable of?

Future

Couples in crisis are not usually that interested in their future as the crisis will have dissolved any future potential.

However the future is really important for all couples. After all if a couple is going to agree to share their lives together then it’s critical for them both to be on the same page.

A couple needs to be excited about what they are going to have and experience together. They need to learn about each others dreams and do all they can to support them.

No one likes a dream killer!

So these are just a few of the foundations that couples need to be aware of to create a meaningful emotional connection. Couples that ask me to help them create better relationships learn all the above and much much more.

In the next post I’m going to focus on the key skills any couple will need to make their connection passionate and lasting.

 

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Do You Want
To Save Your Marriage?

Hi, I'm Stephen Hedger. I'm determined to help couples discover what their marriage is capable of with the right information. My only question is, will it be yours?

Learn more

About Stephen Hedger

Stephen Hedger is known as the most sought after marriage in crisis specialist in the UK. He is famous for consistently and naturally saving many marriages from divorce. He is a favourite of business leaders, business owners, Judges and celebrities.

Stephen runs his meetings from his office in Harley Street London and supports his global clients over Zoom.

Learn more

A 30 minute call with Stephen

In a short phone conversation, Stephen was able to quickly get to the heart of what the real issue was in our marriage – and why in almost a year of working on our marriage including 10 weeks of marriage counselling through a relationship therapy organisation, we weren’t really making any progress. I found Stephen to be extremely perceptive, as well as empathetic to our situation, while being able to quickly pinpoint the real sticking point in our marriage.
Many thanks
Olivia

Dear Stephen
Thank you for your time to listen to my experience in my marriage. You gave me encouragement to speak out to my partner in confidence. You made me realise that sometimes the way we make comments on each other can aggravate the situation and make it worse. Your advice made me feel revived.

Kind regards

Chipo

Success Stories

Client responds to testimonial

November 11, 2021 By Stephen Hedger

I’m working with this lady, and during the session, she wanted to comment on a testimonial another client had left. As you go through today post, you will see what she wanted to say. Before you get to her words, I want to set the context. I’m not quoting her word for word here, but […]

“I was in tears…” 

October 20, 2021 By Stephen Hedger

‘Initially I went to Stephen with a sole focus on saving my marriage as my husband wanted a divorce whilst I felt I could not let go of the 14 years’ relationship without giving it a second chance. My husband was determined to exit and refused to join the Marriage Breakthrough Programme with me, therefore […]

“Lawyer saves relationship alone”!

July 27, 2021 By Stephen Hedger

“I went to see Stephen when my relationship was at breaking point. The final trigger was my partner’s plan to sell his property and move in with me. We had until then a long-distance relationship and never spent more than about a month together (thanks to the COVID lockdown). I had finally moved to his […]

“It was like walking through a minefield blindfolded”

November 29, 2020 By Stephen Hedger

When relationships go wrong the pain can be unbelievable. Today’s post is about a couple whose relationship was quickly out of control and both people thought it was the end. When I first agreed to meet this couple she arrived first.  She was clearly very anxious, eyes darting, wringing hands, unsure if her husband would […]

One small shift changed her mind & saved her marriage – Part 2 of “Should divorce really be the next step?”

May 10, 2020 By Stephen Hedger

What sits at the core of the most successful marriages. What is it that makes the difference. What is it that helps couples stand the test of time? What is it that helps couples make it through all the ups and downs life has to throw at them? Is sex at the core for a […]

Do you want
To Save your Marriage?

Hi, I'm Stephen Hedger. I'm determined to help couples discover what their marriage is capable of with the right information. My only question is, will it be yours?

Learn more

 

“Free Marriage in Crisis 8 Page Guide”:

Stephen Hedger is a marriage in crisis specialist sought after by CEO’s Bankers, Judges, GP’s, Business Leaders, A List Celebrities and Entrepreneurs Globally


Stephen says when you are in marital crisis it's important to know what to do to make sure your next steps don't make the situation even worse. This short guide written by Stephen is designed to help you take a step back and consider next steps intelligently.

 

Click to Download FREE

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10 Harley Street
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Stephen Hedger offers married couples in crisis across the globe a comprehensive strategic roadmap to overcome their marriage problems. Today Stephen works with Celebrities, CEO’s, Lawyers, Bankers, Royalty, Judges, and business owners helping them transform their family and personal relationships with massive breakthroughs, seemingly against all odds.

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Recent Posts

  • “Never try to change your partner”
  • Retired couple in crisis “We should know better at our age!”
  • “He wants to leave the marriage”
  • Never make anything more important than your partner – Mini Post
  • Never Ignore Your Partner’s Cry for Help – Mini Post

*Disclaimer:
Any testimonials stated on this page or on any pages on the Stephen Hedger Marriage Coach website/s are proof of our success, naturally, results may vary from person to person.

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