The foundation of a successful relationship is based on each person committing to themselves to be the best of themselves especially when problems strike. Far too many people are trying to solve their problems whilst being the worst of themselves.
Successful relationships are not about being perfect, they are about two people consistently experiencing more of what’s important to them, more fun, more love, more passion, more mutual fulfilment.
Sadly far too many couples are magnifying everything they don’t want, they magnify insecurity, loss of trust, contempt, disconnect, loss of love, lack of intimacy, shame to name a few.
To help you I have put together a few thoughts below that couples must learn to master if they want to discover the truth of what their relationship is really capable of achieving.
We are going to start with unconditional love – which in many couples is only reserved for their children, couples are unaware of the consequences of this decision.
1. Love must be given without conditions, successful couples adore their partners and are focused on giving to them. The couples that suffer are the ones that are focused on themselves and what they are not getting. The key to loving another person is to discover how this happens for them. Far too many people are giving to their partner the love they need and this can feel frustrating to both people.
2. Relationships struggle to grow if one person feels they are not put first in their marriage. Without growth, the relationship cannot connect at a deeper level. When anything feels more important, work, money, friends, family problems are never far away.
3. Couples that stay together play together. These couples create some kind of intimacy every day that helps them keep their polarity/attraction for each other alive. These couples embrace openness and find ways to experience more fun. They commit to becoming what they value they don’t wait for life to entertain them, they become the changes they want to feel.
4. Successful couples create certainty without it needing to be a focus. They have each others backs no matter what. When a person in a marriage is too focused on needing certainty they will kill their passion, so building a foundation of trust and respect it a critical skill. These couples also practice forgiveness, they forget and they pour love into each other knowing perfection doesn’t exist.
5. The truth is so important for a couple to gain the vulnerability they will need to grow together. This skill takes courage, but the rewards are far deeper and more rewarding than holding back and never letting your partner in. Honesty and openness are critical, without it the relationship has no oxygen.
6. Alignment is a critical skill. Couples that suffer do so because they keep practising being on different pages with what matters such as kids, what equals fun, their life direction why they are together are all critical. Judging, assumptions, mind-reading, defending these are all energies that keep putting couples on different pages. Many couples will hit a problem and then fight. They are not seeing ‘their problem’ is their chance to align and care, build more trust and grow, but they choose to fight thus creating more misalignment and more disconnect.
7. The most important skill is to become conscious. Be in the NOW! Many people constantly live in their past or their future and they are totally missing their life. Being in the now and being conscious is critical for a person to know if they are being the best of themselves. Conscious people are less reactive they choose their behaviours and emotions. Reactive people are simply out of control of themselves.
Couples that are passionate about their relationship are choosing to understand how to apply these skills with me. Some are in crisis, some know they are not getting the best out of their relationship and some are asking me to help them to avoid these problems before they marry.
The skill of being in a successful marriage is something everyone can learn. Passionate relationships that last, don’t just happen they are created.