So you want to know if your relationship will last? Of course you do, who wouldn’t! When couples come to see me, no matter what their relationship challenge is from arguments to affairs they have the power to make any situation better, all that’s missing is the know how.
Couples without knowing, together create the perfect growth conditions for agruments, affairs, lack of trust, lack of care, and then wonder why they have no sex life, and then no relationship. They are very successful at creating misery for themselves and each other.
How does this happen and what can you do about stopping this in your relationship?
I wonder what advice you would give to others if they told you they were being treated badly by their partner.
Would your advice be to change who their are and what they stand for?
Of course you wouldn’t, that would be terrible advice… Wouldn’t it..!?
So I wonder, when you think about yourself, would you consider yourself to be a loving person?
Most people would agree that they are, and I expect you are too.
So think carefully about this, is love important to you some of the time, or all of the time.
I expect you think love is important all of the time… of course who wouldn’t. Someone who thinks love is important some of the time would come across as someone who could not be trusted, wouldn’t they?
So if that’s true why when your relationship feels wrong for you, do you pull your love away?
Isn’t this you changing who you are, to fit in with your partners behaviour, the very thing you probably agreed was terrible advice for others.
You see, if your partner is hurting in some way and whilst in this bad state they lash out at you. In this situation what’s the best solution, judge them, and punish them, or love them and help them.
Which action will create growth and which one will destroy the trust in the relationship.
Whilst they are in pain and they lash out at you, if you become offended and react badly you are making the relationship all about you and this is what destroys relationships.
You see, to be able to punish your partner for their behaviour, makes the assumption that you cannot trust them, you know exactly what they are going through, and their intention is to hurt you on purpose.
If you really believed your partner was trying to hurt you, you would have left by now, so even you don’t really believe that.
So next time your partner is in some kind of emotional distress no matter what it is, love them because you are a loving person.
Any other action goes against who you say you are, and now you are direct conflict with your own values of love, trust and respect for yourself and in turn your partner too.
So if you agree as a couple to stop the punishing, and start loving all of the time, no matter what, then you not only will you have a lasting relationship, but one filled with passion.
Be who you are designed to be and don’t change that wonderful you for anyone, you’ll only end up hurting your relationship and yourself.
Plus watch how the passion goes from zero to red hot in next to no time.
Harley Street Expert | Founder & High Performance Coach
With two decades of experience helping couples out of crisis, Stephen the founder of The Marriage Breakthrough Program, uses his proven system for rescuing and rebuilding relationships on the edge of divorce. A trusted advisor to CEOs, entrepreneurs, and industry leaders globally, his work blends emotional intelligence with strategic clarity. Known for navigating highly complex relationship challenges, Stephen helps individuals and couples find clarity and direction when everything is at stake.
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