Fears can play a big part in causing problems in our relationships and life.
In essence fears come as a result of the person feeling they are out of control. The feelings of fear is the mind and body working together to tell us something is wrong and we might be in danger. So overcoming those fears is critical so I’m going to share how…
The fears we have in relationships and life are not the same as the fear of let’s say… a snake in the room! Emotional fears are less rational, but still feel very real and very powerful.
When we get the feeling of fear this is an important message and our mind and body wants us to do something specific, but most people miss the real message and so their fears get worse.
What it wants us to do is change what we are doing, because by focusing on the fear we are making the fear worse. In essence the fear becomes the persons’ goal because it becomes their focus.
What you focus on, you will get, or attract to you.
Most people don’t get the real message that there are being looked after by their own mind and body and so what happens is the body reacts to the focus on what’s wrong by providing more physical symptoms to get the person to change. The physical symptoms are a wake up call to tell you what you are doing doesn’t work.
This can be symptoms such as tightness, churning stomach, heavy heart, headaches, everyone has their own symptoms. Instead of seeing this as an amazing stronger message to change, the person goes with the feeling that something is really bad and so they sink lower emotionally.
If this goes on for too long the person can feel very low, lacking in energy, life can feel pretty grey leading to anxiety, stress, depression.
The mind and body are actually asking the person to change and focus on being who they were designed to be.
For example: If the person fears losing their partner, they will focus on their potential loss. This will result in igniting more fears that help to them protecting themselves from that danger and so they stop giving love as a result. Their partner feels them stop and so they mirror them. So the result is the relationship is now dying.
So the persons’ fears then come true the relationship ends, ironically the person will not understand what really happened and will see the failure of the relationship as proof they were right to protect themselves, unaware they actually created the problem.
If the person had become an amazing loving partner in the relationship no matter what happens the relationship would not just survive it would grow and this would happen because the person is being the true to themselves by becoming “….a giving loving person”.
Fears were ignited because the person changed who were designed to be. If you change who you are, you are not safe, and your mind and body will complain.
Controlling, drink, drugs, sex, escape, is not the solution, discovering the REAL YOU is.
This is a challenging concept for many to understand, but is the key to the success I have with so many couples.
In my session one of my biggest goals is to help individuals and couples understand how critical this is to master, because it can change their lives forever and remove their focus on fears replacing that focus with a focus on creating an amazing future.
If you want the tools to understanding the real you get in touch today!
Harley Street Expert | Founder & High Performance Coach
With two decades of experience helping couples out of crisis, Stephen the founder of The Marriage Breakthrough Program, uses his proven system for rescuing and rebuilding relationships on the edge of divorce. A trusted advisor to CEOs, entrepreneurs, and industry leaders globally, his work blends emotional intelligence with strategic clarity. Known for navigating highly complex relationship challenges, Stephen helps individuals and couples find clarity and direction when everything is at stake.
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