There is no question that creating a lifelong relationship is a significant challenge. So many couples are having problems because they are missing so much information when they first start their relationship which they are going to need for it to survive.
Sadly they don’t know this when they get together. Few people are looking for this critical information because the start of the relationship is giving them most if not all of what they need to feel happy.
So naturally, who wants to fix a problem we don’t have? Totally makes sense – right!
Unfortunately, many of us have been sold on the “happy ever after” not aware that we need a to approach our relationship in a very different way to ensure both people remain connected and excited for life.
You see nature has not designed two people to live in a box for life. Our mistake is we think this is a natural state and if we don’t get on then clearly the relationship is wrong or broken.
So what is the difference between couples that do make it and those that don’t?
To give you clarity couples that do make it don’t just settle and they don’t live parallel transactional lives.
Couples that make it are emotionally and passionately connected they have each other backs and are excited about their future together.
Sadly this type of relationship is not common.
So if you do want to live in a box (your home) for life then you are going to need to learn the critical skills that will keep your relationship alive.
Like anything in life if you want to be better at something we must learn how to master it.
You can’t go to the gym once and now you’re fit, you can’t ice skate like a pro in one day. You can’t be a lawyer or a surgeon in one day.
So why do people with no training in how to connect and understand the opposites sex think they know how?
How can you be so valuable to the opposite sex they want to stay with you for life?
This idea for some is not even a question.
Some have said to me – I didn’t even know that I had to be valuable…
Yes, one of the skills is you have to be valuable, but the way you have to be valuable is in the way your partner needs it.
This distinction is important because you can get really busy with your partner thinking you are doing great, but the reality is your actions can totally miss what they need to feel happy and connected to you.
So how are you going to be truly valuable if you don’t understand them?
The worst situation I see is when people think they do understand their partner, but the reality is they really don’t and they end up making their relationship very difficult to be in.
I can tell you now that men and women are so different in the way they think that it would be almost impossible for someone to naturally get what is going on for the other person.
So the first mindset shift that is required is to know that you don’t know enough about how to really be valuable to your partner and your new mission is to learn how.
What’s interesting is many of my clients get the reconnection breakthrough they are after and they choose to spend more time with me learning how to become so valuable to each other that leaving the relationship would be ridiculous.
I’m going to leave you with some thoughts.
- I have never yet met a man who naturally knows how to emotionally connect with a woman in the way she needs in a long-term relationship. I was in that camp too BTW. I had to learn it.
- I have also never yet met a woman that knows how to effectively teach a man how to connect with her emotionally.
Can you now see some of the challenges couples face?
Harley Street Expert | Founder & High Performance Coach
With two decades of experience helping couples out of crisis, Stephen the founder of The Marriage Breakthrough Program, uses his proven system for rescuing and rebuilding relationships on the edge of divorce. A trusted advisor to CEOs, entrepreneurs, and industry leaders globally, his work blends emotional intelligence with strategic clarity. Known for navigating highly complex relationship challenges, Stephen helps individuals and couples find clarity and direction when everything is at stake.
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