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Stephen Hedger

Stephen Hedger

Crisis Marriage Coach | Harley Street London

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Affair addiction

So when a neurosurgeon stepped into my office due to his affair my opening line was… 

“Well, we are going to have an interesting conversation aren’t we?”

He laughed and quickly responded with. 

“I know! I know!”

I know my affair is a total fantasy, I know I have feelings of love for her that I shouldn’t trust, but to be honest, after my wife’s affair 2 years ago I feel at the moment totally justified so I’m going with it. 

What we were both talking about is the brain and the chemical reaction affairs have in the brain.

This highly professional surgeon was educated enough to know what was happening to him, but most people are not connected or aware of what can happen to them when these chemicals strike.

Growing up we are taught to trust what we feel – trust your gut we are told!

The problem is this, should we trust what our brain is making us feel whilst we are under the influence of a powerful mind-altering drug?

So here is the difference of perspective, most people would say of course not if you were physically taking them.

The problem comes when those drugs which are still extremely powerful are made by our own brain which we trust or don’t question.

The process of an affair creates chemicals that help the person become obsessed with the new lover – this is a chemically induced state.

They may feel it’s fate, I’ve found the one, no one has made me feel like this before, but the truth is the person creating their feeling is themselves due to this chemical reaction.

Think about it, how many people have found “THE ONE” in their own office I mean, what are the chances?

These chemicals are so powerful that trying to concentrate on normal life will become a struggle as the addiction to these chemicals takes hold.

Anyone who is experiencing extreme events will have a powerful chemical reaction, but they’ll notice these feelings don’t last.

If you are in a car and you experience a near-miss with another car, how powerful is that shot of adrenaline?

People who are performers become addicted to being on stage because the brain is giving them powerful chemicals driven by being hugely significant and loved by so many.

They may feel like gods.

This is why coming off stage the feeling doesn’t last so other drugs they take or drink are needed to maintain their euphoria.

Some on stage people will suffer off stage due to the crashing lows some are depressed a lot.

The drugs the brain makes are very powerful and do affect our feelings and our decisions.

Daydreaming is common, the fantasy of being in an affair will bring intense feelings of joy and they will feel healthy when they are together everything feels brighter they feel alive.

Intense feelings of joy, feeling healthy, world feels brighter who wouldn’t be addicted to that?

Sexual fantasies can consume the persons’ mind, they can feel an uncomfortable physical reaction to not being with their lover so the pull is immense and anticipation grows.

One of the big indicators of this illusion is the failure to acknowledge or see any faults in their new lover.

Although if questioned about their faults they will tell you there are faults so their relationship can be seen as normal, they just won’t care about them.

This addiction can last up to a year two in some cases, but the feeling is transient.

In fact some people can fall in love one day and be out of it the next.

I have seen many people who had to given up their affair and the grief and the lows are just like coming off a powerful drug.

Many people come to me with affair problems and I’ve pretty much seen it all.

One of the hardest situations for the person whos had an affair is when they have to battle these chemicals/feelings for their affair partner. whilst they battle feelings about the marriage, their home, and their kids.

BUT now they are stuck in an emotional and chemical battle.

Who do I choose?

This is Affair week

Monday: How to rebuild trust in a relationship after cheating?

Tuesday: What counts as cheating?

Wednesday: Why affairs that end in marriage rarely work

Thursday: Why do people have affairs?

Friday: Affair addiction

Category iconInfidelity-Affairs,  Marriage Coaching

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Do You Want
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Hi, I'm Stephen Hedger. I'm determined to help couples discover what their marriage is capable of with the right information. My only question is, will it be yours?

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About Stephen Hedger

Stephen Hedger is known as the most sought after marriage in crisis specialist in the UK. He is famous for consistently and naturally saving many marriages from divorce. He is a favourite of business leaders, business owners, Judges and celebrities.

Stephen runs his meetings from his office in Harley Street London and supports his global clients over Zoom.

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A 30 minute call with Stephen

In a short phone conversation, Stephen was able to quickly get to the heart of what the real issue was in our marriage – and why in almost a year of working on our marriage including 10 weeks of marriage counselling through a relationship therapy organisation, we weren’t really making any progress. I found Stephen to be extremely perceptive, as well as empathetic to our situation, while being able to quickly pinpoint the real sticking point in our marriage.
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Dear Stephen
Thank you for your time to listen to my experience in my marriage. You gave me encouragement to speak out to my partner in confidence. You made me realise that sometimes the way we make comments on each other can aggravate the situation and make it worse. Your advice made me feel revived.

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Please Save Our Marriage! This was the first email I recieved from Darren and Sue, they were at breaking point. When they first entered my clinic you could cut the atmosphere with a knife. This was a couple with young children on the edge, breaking up seemed like the only option open to them… Sue […]

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Today’s post is a little different. I wanted to share with you a clients words about his experience of the pain of his divorce and the process of rebuilding him and his future. Over to him… The words hit me like a hammer ~ “There’s nothing wrong with you. You’re not broken, you never were. […]

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What you are about to read is about is a gentleman in turmoil. He thought he had lost the girl he loved and his one-year-old son. She had left him and this connected him to his core fears, emotions that were powerful enough to sabotage him from getting the very thing he wanted. As his […]

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Stephen Hedger offers married couples in crisis across the globe a comprehensive strategic roadmap to overcome their marriage problems. Today Stephen works with Celebrities, CEO’s, Lawyers, Bankers, Royalty, Judges, and business owners helping them transform their family and personal relationships with massive breakthroughs, seemingly against all odds.

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Recent Posts

  • “I can’t love you and protect myself from you”!
  • 28 Behaviours that damage marriages
  • She nearly divorced him for the wrong reason
  • All Roads Lead to Rome – “It’s Always About Me”!
  • Unhealthy conflict couples suffer the most…

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Any testimonials stated on this page or on any pages on the Stephen Hedger Marriage Coach website/s are proof of our success, naturally, results may vary from person to person.

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