A significant fear in individuals seeking help for marital problems is when one person is worried they are the problem.
Or worse, they are worried their partner is right about their problems.
Some people are so worried they are the problem they can act as if there is no problem, this just makes the problems worse.
These worries can stop people from taking the necessary action to deal with their challenges.
How I see it is that both people are the problem because it’s complicated to see your challenges from your partner’s perspective.
If a person can only see their challenge from their own perspective, then yes, they are the problem.
A lot of men are coming to see me because they think their wives have behaved badly.
If she were a man, that would probably be true, but how she behaves will be in alignment with how she naturally works as a woman.
For a woman to feel connected and safe understanding her is critical.
I see many women who think their husbands are disconnected, have no empathy and don’t care about them.
Again if he were a woman, that would probably be true, but I see many men caring for his wife, but she is not connecting to it.
These are just two example experiences created by so many differences that cause so much confusion for couples.
Relationship rebuilding cannot happen until there is a bridge of understanding, connection, and alignment.
You can both talk as much as you like, but without understanding the couple’s differences, the translations will always be through each person’s bias and so not connect to each person’s truth.
This is a constant source of frustration and that can lead people to leave their marriage, many for the wrong reason.
So it’s important to get help to understand if the translations of each other are correct.